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In Loving Memory...
~ Gogo Fatale ~


6/2/01 - 10/11/11
~ Forever the Marest of Them All ~
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Monday, October 10, 2011

Tomorrow is the day.

We set the date today for Gogo's final farewell. Tomorrow afternoon will be her last on earth. It's too soon, but my vet is going out of town, and I want him to be the one to do it. He's been such good support throughout this entire ordeal. In a lot of ways, I am ready. In some, I will never be.

She's tired, and hurting. Her demeanor has really changed in the past week.... she is ready for it to all be over. Every time I've seen her in the past week, this has been her attitude:



That is the face of a mare ready to let go.

I had one little last hoorah on her today, a bareback jaunt with a few other people in the arena for a few minutes. We had 6 inches of rain yesterday (I KNOW, right??), so everything was mush, and she was covered in mud. But she was happy to go for a ride, and so was I.




I gave her a bath, and she seemed to enjoy herself. She won't stay clean overnight, but I did it mostly for me. I just wanted to spend some more time with her.

Tomorrow afternoon, she goes to the vet for the final time. She won't be coming home. There are a lot of little children running around at our farm, and there's no really private place for this to all happen without some poor child stumbling upon an awkward scene at some point during the whole thing, so we decided to do this at the vet clinic instead. There is a local pet cemetery that will be picking her up from the clinic and burying her. Cremation is too expensive, so it's nice to have this option available. It will also be nice to be able to visit an actual physical place, like I can do with my boys when I am home in Michigan. (They are buried side by side at the place where I grew up riding.)

It's awful. And sad. And miserable. And the right thing to do. Thanks to everyone who has sent me well wishes.... you don't know how much it means to me. I have my Mo here too, so I'll be all right.

Send her some good thoughts before she goes over the Bridge. I'll be with her until the very end.


95 comments:

Gal Wednesday said...

Sending you enormous and unending hugs.

I've been checking your blog every day, hoping that things would get better but knowing that you would do the best thing for gogo and not necessarily the easy thing. Sometimes all you can do is love them.

Natalie said...

I have an enormous amount of respect for you to make such a tough and selfless decision.

I hope the weather tomorrow is beautiful, and my prayers will be completly directed at you and Go go tonight. Your both a huge inspiration, so just remember that you and your one of a kind mare have touched the hearts of many horse lovers across the world <3

Amy said...

Well wishes to you and Gogo.

No words can express what you both are going though and the love this blogging community has for you both. I've loved your stories, your knowledge and most of all dear Gogo. Tell her how much we all will miss her and her antics. What a blessing that her life touched so many people all around the world. Thank you Gogo, you have taught and are loved by all.

Sydney said...

I am so incredibly sorry. I know how it feels its lonely and horrible and sad and angry and everything mixed into one package. It's very difficult but good to know that you can make a decision like that for her.

Jae said...

I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, and sending you healing thoughts.

Kimberly said...

I am so sorry. Like Natalie, I have an incredible amount of respect for you...you're doing the right thing, and I wish that it didn't hurt so badly. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, I know I've learned a ton from your blog. I'm sending tons of hugs your way.

Jana said...

Oy...

You remain an inspiration, even in this darkest of moments. Please tell Gogo thanks from Jove and me. We wouldn't be where we are without her stories.

I'll be keeping you and Gogo in my thoughts tomorrow.

Katherine Erickson said...

I still can't believe this is real =(

You are such an amazing horsewoman, and you've done everything and more you could. This is your last gift to her.

Sending you all the thoughts and love I can from California.

Sarah said...

I've thought of you and Gogo the last few times I've gone to the barn. I'm so, so, so sorry.

Breathe said...

You will both be in my heart. We will all share a small bit of memory of this wonderful mare and she'll live on in those thoughts.

Katie said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have been an incredible owner and friend to her and I know she loves and appreciates you. You have all of our support.

Alighieri said...

Hugs to you. Godspeed to Gogo.

Accendora said...

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."
William Goldman, "The Princess Bride"

That is what I think. Good for you, to know so well what compassion is.

Alanna said...

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

TBA said...

Tell Gogo that she'll be missed by many people. Hugs to both of you.

Emily said...

All I can say is (((HUGS)))

I've been reading, watching, waiting... hoping, for months. Silently cheering Gogo on. I'm so sorry it has come to this, but it's the right thing to do.

God Bless

Mary said...

Up until this very moment, I really thought she was going to be "OK". In my own mind anyway. Gogo has touched me and you have inspired me.

Peace Gogo.

Denali's Mom said...

Huge hugs lady. I wish there was more I could say, more I could do, anything, something to take away some of your pain.

"I have seen things so beautiful they have brought tears to my eyes. Yet none of them can match the gracefulness and beauty of a horse running free."
--author unknown

Run free sweet Gogo, run free!

dp said...

The best decision I made with Raven was to feed her an apple as she got the injection. Horses are very simple creatures in some ways, and it still makes me feel better to know that her final seconds were happy. I'll be thinking of you.

Brittany said...

I am so sorry! I will be thinking of both of you tomorrow. Know that you have many many people who are thinking of you during this difficult time.

Gogo, you will be greatly missed! We love you!

Albigears said...

Oh Andrea, I can't believe it's for real. I don't believe that animals are afraid to die, they're afraid of leaving us here without them. You are giving her the most unselfish gift anyone can give. She will be fine, lots of hugs to you who has to stay here without her physical presence.

Jenny said...

My utmost condolences to you Andrea. Through this blog you've shared (with the world!) your wonderful devotion to a vivacious horse who clearly loves you in return... and surely I am just one of many who is deeply saddened by your loss. My heart hurts for you & your dear Gogo. She will be missed.

Leeshy-Lou said...

I send you every sympathetic feeling in my body, and many telepathic condolences across the ocean. You're so strong to be able to do this.
You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow.

Peace, Gogo wondermare.

sally said...

God speed Gogo .....I'm also farewelling my Grandma and she loves horses so maybe she will meet up with Gogo in Heaven and take care of her ...xx

Mrs. Exeter said...

Best wishes and much love to you both. So sorry. xxx

Val said...

Much love and respect to you and your Go-mare. Thank you for sharing your world with us. May she have peace.

appydoesdressage said...

I am so sorry today had to come. I will keep you and Gogo in my thoughts today as you go through this amazingly difficult time. Goodbye Gogo, you are loved by more people then you know!

Tricia said...

Sending you so much love in this very difficult time. You are kind and brave to do this final compassionate thing for your noble mare. Godspeed Gogo; you will fly again soon. Hugs to you.

Kate said...

I am so sorry. I have been where you are and know how hard it is. But you're doing the right thing by not letting her be in pain or unhappy - it's a great gift we have to give our horses. Will be thinking of both of you.

Lisa said...

Bye Gogo, we will miss you!!

Andrea, I hope it is a nice, peaceful passing. God owes you that much.

Mrs Mom said...

Thoughts are with you and Gogo today. You have done a remarkable job bringing her to life in this blog, and she will be remembered the world over in your wonderful writing.

Rachel said...

Thinking about you Andrea and wishing you and Gogo the peace you both deserve. Thanks for always reminding me to hug mine a bit tighter for a bit longer.

smazourek said...

It's a terrible thing to lose a horse. Sometimes the pain is so much you feel like you can't stand it but you do, you live on and you love again, but you will never, never forget her.

I won't forget her either, I've been lurking on your blog for a long time getting to know this beautiful, feisty mare. Though I've never met her, I feel like I know her, and that I'll be losing a friend.

Minus Pride said...

:( thinking of you.

Eventing at Midnight said...

I'm sending hugs and good thoughts your way. I was in your position not too long ago with my Bull Terrier who I had raised from a puppy. I only had him four years before I had to say goodbye. It wasn't nearly enough time, as I know it is that way for you and Gogo.
I know from what I felt that there is nothing I can say, except you are not alone.

jenj said...

Peace to you both. Godspeed, Gogo.

Mellimaus said...

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

eventer79 said...

Peace and love to you both, Andrea.

Katie said...

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I have loved following you and Gogo through all of your adventures, and it breaks my heart that the story ends like this. Thank you for making the tough but right decision and giving Gogo a dignified end. I hope it helps, in some small way, to know that the thoughts of many are with you today.

Safe passing, Gogo. You are one in a million, and you will be greatly missed.

Paradise Regained said...

My heart breaks for you and Gogo. You and your mare have been an enormous inspiration to me and mine; you and Gogo are so dear to our hearts. I am so very sorry.

Heidi said...

I'm so sorry, Andrea. It has been such a pleasure following your adventures with Gogo year after year. Hugs to you both!

Abby said...

Andrea, I admire you so much for making this incredibly selfless decision that is clearly the right one for your beautiful mare. It truly shows how compassionate and giving you are. Your bond and relationship with Gogo is one-of-a-kind. Through this blog, I have learned so much and become a better horsewoman. I will always miss stories, pictures, and videos of gorgeous Gogo. Her story has touched so many people around the world. I hope that you will continue to write a blog, even after her passing. I am praying for the peace of mind of both you and Gogo, for beautiful weather, and a seamless procedure. Sending big hugs your way. Godspeed, Gogo.

SmartAlex said...

And GoGo will never know how many people are sad today....

slwtwist said...

Adding my thoughts and prayers to the many already there for you. Please give GoGo a pat from me. I feel as if I know her.

Niamh said...

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...You must do the thing you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Good Luck today Andrea with your sweet mare, GoGo. Know that we're all thinking of you, far and wide.

Abbie said...

Endless hugs and thoughts. You know I did this with Ernie a few months ago, and it never gets easier, it never gets better, and you never ever feel like you did enough. But you did, and you have, and Gogo is probably one of the luckiest horses that ever lived. My thoughts are with you.

Tarra said...

I am so so so sorry you had to make this decision. GoGo has been with you for a reason. Just think of all the people you two have touched together. Run free Gogo you will be missed by all.

Nicku said...

Sitting here in my office, tears filling my eyes...I am so sorry Andrea. Thank you for allowing us to join you on this journey to support you and Gogo. My heart is with you both today, it just seems impossible that this is happening. I really admire the respect and love you have for your horse, you always know what the right thing to do is.

Laura M said...

My thoughts go out to you and Gogo today...sending hugs from not too many miles away. Your blog is the first blog I found that made me want to start my own. It also really helped me on deciding to take my mare on the barefoot path. I am sure you realize how much you have inspired your fellow bloggers, but just wanted to remind you :)

Barbara said...

There is nothing to say except that I am so sorry. They do sometimes decide that it is time to go and I am glad that she is telling you so that you don't have to feel that you made the decision for her. When they tell me it is time to go, I do find some consolation in that later.
Safe journey, Gogo and say Hi to Scotty for me.

Laura Crum said...

I have been in your shoes--I agree--it is the expression in their eyes that tells you. Peace be with you and Gogo.

SprinklerBandit said...

My heart breaks for both of you. I'm sorry it came to this, but I know that you have given Gogo the absolute best life she could have ever had.

Sarah said...

Please know you're in all our thoughts and prayers, Andrea. Nothing will make this easy, but you're doing what's best for Gogo and she's enjoyed so much care and love from you. Such a special friend never really goes away. Big *hug* today<3

Ambivalent Academic said...

My heart goes out to you. Hugs, Andrea.

Janine said...

I am so sorry. HUGS to you both.

Kelly said...

I had to smile about the bath - Lex did the same for Henny the night before...

We were fortunate to be able to bury Hennessy on the farm where we board in the back pasture. Lex took our other TB for a walk last night near where Henny is buried. It was at that point that Cheers (our other TB) let out a hollar. Lex swore Cheers was calling to Hennessy.

It is hard, painful, gut wretching...but you know in your soul that it is the best last thing you can do for them.

Much love to you.

Snowhawk Przhevalsky said...

*just sends huge, huge hugs out to you*

goodtimetoreview said...

My thoughs are with you today.

Gingham said...

love. lots and lots of love.

Dom said...

I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow. I'm so sorry you had to make this decision and that it came so soon. Glad to see you got a last ride on her (and it looks like she enjoyed it as much as you did). *major hugs*

Grey Horse Matters said...

So sorry about your wonderful mare. But you can tell by her eyes that she is ready. I've been there and it's never easy to say goodbye to our friends. Best wishes for you.

Wolfie said...

So sorry. What you are doing is the ultimate act of love, in my opinion. GoGo won't be far from you...she will always be in your heart.

Marion Princic said...

oh Andrea, sending you and gogo all my love and prayers...

Rinsie and Reveille said...

I am so sorry -- just reading the title of this post makes me choke up. Sending lots of love to you and Gogo both.

Polo (nearly) girl said...

Andrea - I am so terribly sorry. I love my mare very much and can only imagine how much you love Gogo. She couldn't have hoped for a better owner.
Take care,
Sarah

Cut-N-Jump said...

Once in a while, there is a horseman or horsewoman in Heaven that is in need of a great mount. You will be answering their call and sending on the best one you have for them to care for and ride.

Peace, love and blessings for you both. I know this time is never an easy one, neither is the decision. You did what you could and Gogo had a great life. Her passing is her way of opening the door for another great horse to feel the love and care you have to offer.

Jenn said...

Today is that tomorrow...godspeed, Gogo. And prayers for you as you let her go.

eventer79 said...

Andrea, I posted a message for you here, I wish I could say it better: http://www.teamflyingsolo.com/2011/10/one-moment.html

But you are not alone and we all love you.

STB Eventer said...

Andrea, my heart aches for you today. Know we are all here to support you. Much love to you and Gogo.

Somewhere...somewhere in time's own space
There must be some sweet pastured place
Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some Paradise where horses go.
For by the love that guides my pen
I know great horses live again.

~Stanley Harrison

MeganS said...

I hope that everything goes as peacefully as possible for you.

My Hunt Club lost a member earlier this year, an 11-year old girl. I know that she will be there to take care of Gogo forever, and every other horse that has to go before their person can join them.

RiderWriter said...

A beautiful spirit will now be running free...

"If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the Last Battle -- can't be won.

Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears."

Godspeed, beautiful GoGo. Andrea, my thoughts are with you.

Melissa said...

Farewell, Gogo. Your mare-tude and perky ears will be missed.

Jessica said...

My thoughts are with you and Gogo today. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss.

Jennifer said...

Andrea I hope it helps you to know that we all are hurting for you and your Gogo mare. You have been kind enough to include us all on your journey, and we are still with you right to the end. You have done everything you could for Gogo. And now you are giving her the last gift you can. God speed Gogo.

sweetbay said...

I have been thinking about you and Gogo every day. (((hugs)))

Kristen Eleni Shellenbarger said...

I can't imagine the strength but I know you have it to send her off with so much love love love.
I'm downloading that song and will think of sweet Gogo every time I listen to it. I'm so sorry....

Wiola said...

So very sorry. Rest in peace Gogo and for your sake Andrea hope it was peaceful and quick.

banagade said...

Hey, long time reader first time poster...

Sorry for the difficult time you're going through. This is never easy. September 25 marked the second year anniversary of the death of my beloved mare. It took me 1.5 years to get the courage to go to her grave. It is by far the hardest thing a person ever has to do.

It came down to the same thing with ol' Banjo... better to let her go with her dignity left then to chance it and come out one day in the dead of winter and she can't get up.

Give her the best last hours you can and cherish every moment. It won't ever be easy. Just know you made the right decision and for that she will ALWAYS thank you.

Ironic... my word verification is Wing... Go Go will soon have hers and be watching over you with the best view in the world.

http://www.banagade.blogspot.com

Meghan said...

I am so sorry, Andrea. I hope you know that your careful management and love of Gogo was an inspiration to many of us who are far less skilled but well-meaning. I have enjoyed reading your blog, and I especially loved reading of your offbeat trail adventures. She was a wonderful mare, and I am glad you were there for her.

The lesson I have taken from this is that from now on, I will truly appreciate and love my mare, always. I will be better for her, and more understanding of her flaws, because I am fortunate enough to still have her in my life. I am so sorry you are going through this, but I thank you for that lesson.

Chris said...

I'm so sorry for you, will be thinking of you and Gogo all day tomorrow and sending as many good thoughts telephaticaly as possible. Both of have touched and inpsired so many people around the world.

twohorses said...

I am so sorry, but I have also been in that position and it is the last gift you can give your horse. Thinking of you and sending lots of love for the difficult time ahead.

Sandra

Checkmark115 said...

I will never forget Gogo and her cookieface.

Fly free, sweet girl.

Jenn said...

Andrea, I hope you don't mind that I've said a few things about you and your lovely mare here
http://oberonsopus.blogspot.com/2011/10/most-respectful-thing-we-can-do.html

Hang in there...

Sylvia said...

(((hugs)))

Joanne (Jo) L. Belasco, Esq. said...

**hugs**

Sarah E. Schulman said...

<3 Much love and sympathies <3 Bye, Gogo, and thank you for teaching me so much.
- Sarah, EventingInColor

sparksandspirit said...

Thinking of you, Andrea and Gogo. You love her so much...she is a lucky mare, to have that.

Muddy K said...

Just heartbreakingly sad, but your strength is with her until the end, and she's depended on you to take care of her all along, hasn't she. All we can do is carry you both in our thoughts.

jordanella said...

I'm so sorry Andrea. Just remember, even though you will be hurting, Gogo will be free. Sending many hugs from NZ.

Young Equestrian said...

Terribly sorry that today had to come- Just remember, everything happens for a reason. I have no doubt that you and Gogo will be together again in another lifetime.

Lisa said...

I am in awe of the love and support for you and Gogo that comes from around the country and even the world. The messages are true testaments to the impact you both have had. There will be others who stumble upon your blog and read about Gogo's hooves of steel and be inspired to take the leap into going barefoot or work harder on eventing or not giving up on a dream to work with horses.

I'm so sorry you have had to make the decision to let her go but your documentation of her life through your blog allows her live on. Peace be with you.

Veronica Lodge said...

Hugs, support, and lots of love from me, and my boys.

May strength be with you through that dark hour, and light shine in to bring happiness in the future.

You are both truly loved, that is all you can ask for in this crazy world.

curlykates said...

Godspeed GoGo and many hugs to you, Andrea. Thank you for all you have shared with us. I will always keep Gogo in my memories of great mares. When they day comes when I finally own my own horse, I will definitely try to keep him/her barefoot!

Cygnata said...

*HUG*

achieve1dream said...

I'm so, so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for your and Gogo.