There must be some sweet pastured place
Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some paradise where horses go
For by the love that guides my pen
I know great horses live again.
~ Stanley Harrison
Today was a beautiful day to die.
The morning dawned bright and lovely. I was treated to the most lovely sunrise this morning as I fed horses, and knew it was going to be a glorious day weather-wise. I got out of work early at noon, and arrived at the barn carrying armfuls of carrots and apples. Before Future Hubs came to join us, I spent some time with Gogo and her man Leroy in the field, just stuffing them to the brim with carrots. They had some adorable Lady and the Tramp carrot-sharing moments, and they made me laugh.
After Future Hubs arrived, we spent more time just hanging around with Mami in the field, admiring how sparkling clean she was - I couldn't believe she stayed clean after her bath and didn't roll! Of course, as we were watching her talking about how clean she was, she decided that then and there she would find a nasty, filthy spot to roll on both sides in. She waited all night and all day just so she could do it in front of us! Oh, Gogo.
She also mugged us for our Sonic, and surprised me by eating my mozzarella sticks! She also kept going for our straws in our drinks, and ripped Future Hubs' straw right out of his drink when we weren't looking! We played tug of war for awhile with it, silly girl.
I groomed her until she sparkled. We found the only place in the entire state of Texas that had real grass, and she spent some time munching in the sunlight.
We also went for a nice walk. She perked up for a bit, and was happy to get out and move around a bit. She's been staying only in one spot for the past week or so in her field, and has been dull and listless. She was ready to go. After our little walk, I was ready too.
Once at the vet's, it was quick and quiet. There is a designated area behind the barns where they perform euthanasia on horses that can get there under their own steam, and we sedated her heavily ahead of time - something I am grateful for, given how violently Metro reacted. I told her I loved her as many times as I could, and kissed her goodbye. She was gone before she hit the ground.
I gave her one last kiss after she was gone when I was getting ready to walk away. The moment I touched her, she took one last huge involuntary breath. I know it was just a reflex, but somehow it meant something to me... like some part of her body knew it was me.
I took her tail, her forelock, a clipping from her hoof, and her halter home with me. In return, I left a huge part of my heart there with her. But it was the best last day a horse could have ever wanted. And for that, I will ever be forever grateful.
I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of messages, texts, calls, e-mails, posts, and more that I've received in the past two days. Literally hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of people have sent their condolences, and hearing them and reading them have made me cry over and over. I cannot believe how many people's lives my sweet little crazy mare touched. Thanks to each and every one of you for all your heartfelt support and for being there for both us, during the good times and the bad. Life is a journey, and her presence in my life has molded me as a young adult. She's been such an integral part of my life, and she has left an enormous void behind her. I feel pretty awful tonight. I just can't believe it's all over.
You'll be hearing from me, I'm sure of that. This blog will remain up as homage to her, and at some point I will be starting a new blog for future adventures. Not yet, and I'm not really sure when, but it won't be long. Right now is a time for grieving, for remembering, and for celebrating a life come and gone far too soon.
Rest in peace, my sweet, beautiful, crazy, talented, wonderful mare. You're in my heart forever. I love you, now and always.