Ok horses. So here's what you should do. The next time your human does not groom you for an entire week and then finally gets around to cleaning you up, you need to repay them kindly for all their hard work. Say for example, your human totally neglects you and forgets about your existance for a whole week even though she is shoving cookies into your mouth every day like she really ISN'T neglecting and forgetting you (she IS, don't listen to her lies!). Then one day, she takes you out of your house and curries you REALLY well. Then she sees the dirt won't come off so she vacuums you. Then she sees how you have vacuum marks so she grooms you for a really long time. Then she sees how dirty your legs are so she washes all of them. Then she sees how dirty your tail is so she washes it. Then she sees how your tail is getting long so she clips and bangs it. Then she sees how your mane is getting long so she pulls it and braids it over. Then she sees how your whiskers and bridlepath are getting long too so she clips them too. Then she puts Keratex on your feets. Then she buffs you off with a big towel. Then she washes out your nostrils with a clean washcloth and cleans the bits of dinner off of your face. Then she steps back to admire how gleamingly clean and beautiful you are, after a whole hour and a half of cleaning work. Nice of her, yes?
The next day, go out into your turnout. Find the muddiest patch of mud you can find. Roll in it and grind it into both sides of your body. Twice. Then spook at the cows next door and gallop and buck and sling mud all up onto your belly and coat your legs so you can't even see your socks. Then come into heat and pee alllllllllllll over your legs and tail. Then when your mom sees you and shrieks in horror, blow snot into her face on purpose.
This my friends is the true meaning of love. Giving your human an excuse to spend even MORE time with you. And give you MORE cookies.
Ok humans. You can start reading again. My mommy says something about moving tomorrow to a big huge field somewhere.... I'm not sure how I feel about this but I hear there is a lot of GRASS, and I like GRASS. A LOT. She also wanted to share some good music with you. The only music I really like is the sound of food being poured into my bucket, but maybe that's just an opinion.
Proving her heart of gold and guts of steel at the 2009 American Eventing Championships
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15 comments:
Haha. Poor Ozzy doesn't go beyond hosing off, a quick brushing, and a banged tail. AND he wears a blanket. Foiled again!
Greta: UNLESS I don't liiikkkeeeee mud and mummy won't put me out anyway until the nasty mud is all gone. Because, I won't walk through mud. Mummy had to drag me through when I used to live out in a big pasture like a "real horse," as she called it. Silly human. PRINCESSES don't live in mud, and they certainly don't walk through it.
Bre: that is a killer song. I like. I go to iTunes now to add to my diabolical musical collection of killer tunes.
'cleans the bits of dinner off you face' ROTFLMAO
McKinna says yes, this is a good plan and one I do EVERY DAY. Mud is good for your fur you know, I just hate the part where it gets washed off...but then it makes it so much better when you roll AGAIN in the nice mud! And then you have to stand still for baths AGAIN if you are white like me and your strange humans want you clean. But then you get to roll again after that.....
Amber says:
Mud? Yuck! I'm too pretty to get muddy! I used to have to stay in a really, really muddy paddock and it was not fun! My mom moved me into a nice dry one and it's much better.
I couldn't ever get pee on my tail! That's why I hold it up for ten minutes when I finish my business. Nice, clean tail.
...but you say all this will get COOKIES? I love cookies more than anything. I might be able to tolerate being dirty if it means cookies. If you're sure...
My dear Gogo,
I think your Mistress should stop to give you cookies spiked with delusional pills.
One/ you are not a crowned Queen, Zenayetta is.
Two/ mud is horrid. I NEVER roll in mud, neither in sand, I only lay down on a clean wood shaving bed (Owner's note: It is true!!!)
I think you have become a peasant in the lost desert you live in.
Get a grip Mare, no more mud and no more spooks at the geldings, better bite their bums, silly smelly muddy males.
However I agree with you, your Mistress should groom you everyday, and you should have a clean paddock with no poo, mud or geldings in.
Demand it!
Madame Teena
Hope
Gogo says: Hmmph I am THE Queen of ALL horses and Zenyatta is my merely my handmaiden. Also, I am not allowed to bite any geldings bottoms because I go in turnout alone. I do, however, allow my neighbor gelding to sniff my bum when I am in heat over the fence. I am sad to say there is only one little spot of mud in my field, right by the water trough and only after it rains. This strange Texas place is otherwise bone dry and mostly I just have to be satisfied with getting covered in red dust instead.
Gogo: Oh, and I can't find any poop in my field to smash my face into because it gets picked out every day. However, I can (and do) totally destroy my stall EVERY day. A clean room is an un-fun room.
Jetta: I has the MOST fun getting mud on my back WITH a blanket ON. You should totally see my mom's face when she takes the blanket off. I also likes to wallow around in my stall, gringing all my poo into every bit of the bedding. The best part is getting my tail full of said bedding and poo. But, best of all, I is now RETIRED. Here's the deal all...limp around long enough and they won't ride you! haha!
The STYLISH BLOGGER AWARD is waiting for you to pick it up at my blog (Nina's Story).
Royal sez: I LOVE when my human brushed me off and gets me all clean, because I get to get muddy all over again. It's no fun to just get mud on mud, mud on hair is so satisfying. Sometimes she looks at the pretty picture on my barrel and just sighs.
Mud is fun.
hilarious!!!! Gogo you are the Queen!
Harley: Hi Gogo. There are no queenies around here, so I am in charge. All the mud is frozen but the cookies are not. I like being brushed but I like eating nonfrozen cookies better. Actually I like carrots the best.
LOL! GoGo is such a clever horse!
BTW, you have an award on my blog! Check it out.
-DS
Adventures In Colt Starting
It seems the blog awards are going around again! You have one waiting at my blog:
http://overanxioushorseowner.blogspot.com/2011/01/update-and-award.html
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