I'm not sure if it feels like it has been an eternity since then, or a moment.
I am still hurting very badly.
I am in the process of making plans to get up and see Metro's daughter, but that won't happen until January. Until then, my horse shopping has basically come to a complete standstill. When Metro died, I dove headfirst into searching for a new horse, and found healing in that way. This time around, I'm just not ready. Gogo was everything I wanted in a four-legged soulmate, competition and companion qualities alike. Everything about her was perfect for me, all wrapped up with her own little spicy flair added to the mix for extra laughs, extra tears, and extra clear memories of her. I will not be able to replace her. This is part of the difficulty in moving on from her. She is, and always will be, completely irreplaceable. There will never be another one like her.
I've heard from more than one of you that you miss hearing about her. I can certainly understand it.... I sure miss writing about her.
The world is not the same without her in it. She has left her magnificence and grandeur behind her, however, and the endless stories and memories of her live on in her wake. She touched a lot of lives and changed a lot of people... if she knew, she might just flick her tail in haughty indifference, as if to say, "All in a day's work."
The horse world is currently collectively mourning the great Olympic stallion Hickstead, who died after experiencing aortic rupture in Verona this week immediately following one of his rounds at the World Cup. His rider Eric Lamaze, who was mounted when the horse collapsed, had this very moving sentiment to say on the ordeal:
"What these horses do for us is incredible. They become part of our family. They really change our lives. It is a sport we choose because we love it and it is sport we choose because we also love the animal. It is not like breaking a hockey stick or breaking a tennis racket. We become very close to these animals and we have great respect for what they do for us. We are in the limelight with them. A horse like Hickstead changed my career. For me, it meant everything."
My Gogo was not an Olympian. She was not anywhere near the realm of an athlete like Hickstead. But for me, the sentiment is exactly the same. She molded and changed me, and her death was that of losing an irreplaceable family member. She was, and always will be, everything.
I posted this video a few months ago, but I wanted to share it again because these are some of my favorite memories of my little seahorse...
I miss you, Mama mare. I miss you every day.
I know how deep it hurts to lose your very best friend, the one who made your every day better. I know how long it hurts and how you wonder how anything can ever be the same. It can't, but I still maintain that their love lives on. Thinking of you -
ReplyDelete" It is a sport we choose because we love it and it is sport we choose because we also love the animal. "
ReplyDeleteVery well said. I'm still thinking of you and Gogo.
Andrea, I have only just caught up on your blog and learnt of your loss. Reading the leading events the reasons behind your decision are clear, but anyone whose ever made such a horrendous choice about their beloved family member knows how agonising that invarioubly is.
ReplyDeleteGogo was one in a million, and so was your relationship with her - you gave her everything, and she, you, in return. It's the start of a new chapter in your life now, but Gogo's chapter, now over, will remain part of you forever in all you've learnt and all you've grown.
Wish I could give you the biggest hug. <3
That was a tearjerker. :'( Gogo is missed by many, thinking of you :)
ReplyDeleteGorgeous video.
ReplyDeleteI hope that time will eventually bring you peace.
You'll know when it's right to think about finding another partner... keep following your heart ♡
I think the worst thing about thinking about buying a new horse after your horse's death is just the whole feeling that no other horse could have as vivid or as appealing a personality, style, vibe, or whatever you call it.
ReplyDeleteMy old horse had incredible star power, charisma, and a kind of weird horse sarcasm (no other way to describe it)coupled with a kind of restrained affection for me. He was no cuddler, but he had other cool, distinct ways of showing his pleasure at seeing me and working with me.
When I finally bought Eragon, the first day I worked with him I thought "oh my God. This horse is a stranger. I just bought a horse that is basically a stranger to me." As his personality unfolded in the training, I found it hard to admit to myself that he WAS in fact, special in his own right. The "flavor" that my first horse brought into my world was all I was seeking, and Eragon couldn't give me that. It took time, but eventually I'd learned to appreciate who Eragon is, and the unique energy he brings to my days.
But there are still times, after all these years, that I miss Fancy's take on the world. I'd give anything to go out to the pasture and have him give me that restrained, quiet look of acknowledgement. It's not just that I miss him. I miss what I somehow felt he saw or brought out in me.
Sigh. I wish I had words that were "perfect", but I don't. I can only say that my heart goes out to you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that video. What awesome memories. It made me smile and feel my heart twist all at once.
ReplyDeleteWhat a special girl she was, clearly.
As you said, she was your everything, and you were her everything. I'm quite sure where she is right now, she is missing you just as much as you are missing her. She couldn't have asked for a better partner in life, and all of us looking in from the outside could see your mutual love & respect for each other.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit....I come to your blog every few days as I always have since I first stumbled here, loving her quirky antics and the journey you took together, even though I know deep down that there most likely won't be any new posts. :( We miss her too - she was one of a kind.
I'm sorry you're still hurting so much.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't heard about Hickstead yet. That must have been terrifying for Eric to have him collapse like that. :(
ReplyDeleteI am sorry the pain is still so deep. Time will heal your wounds and we are here if you need us.