Eventing-A-Gogo!

Happy New Year... and another gift!

2011-12-31T16:58:00.000-08:00

Look, another gift! Gogo's Wall of Fame grows larger yet! :D

This portrait comes from Kat, fellow blogger and an old friend of mine. This one is already in the mail and I can't wait to see it in person!

Kat also did this portrait of Gogo a few years ago, back when she was still competing and sound... the original has been long since lost but the digital remains!

If anyone still has portraits of Gogo that haven't yet been sent, you should totally send them! Future Hubs and I are moving next month and I want to make fully sure that he is assaulted by memories of Gogo every time he opens his eyes and walks anywhere in the house. Oh wait, maybe that's me that wants that... details! ;)

Happy New Year to everyone.... 2011 has definite ups and downs, the lowest clearly being the loss of Gogo..... I am still hurting badly over the loss and not a day goes by that I don't miss her terribly. But with every passing moment, it gets a little easier to breathe. I still need time - a lot of time - but I am hopeful that 2012 will bring better things. I head up to see Sophie in ONE WEEK..... wish me luck!! And keep reading up on Bay Girl... she's coming along so magnificently!

Happy New Year!!!

Mare-y Christmas 2011!

2011-12-25T05:40:00.001-08:00

Gogo and I want to wish everyone Happy Holidays and a very Merry Christmas!

And Metro and Quincy deserve a special Christmas spot here too:

I know I post something similar every year, but my oh my how time flies, and how we change.

Happy and safe holidays to everyone. Thank you all for all your support this past year, and may all your 2012 hopes, goals and dreams come true.

Two months ago today.

2011-12-11T20:35:00.001-08:00

Can't hardly believe it... but Gogo has been gone for two months as of today.
Christmas is going to be very strange without her.
I finally cleaned out my horse trailer from top to bottom... I had been completely avoiding it simply because I didn't even want to look at her stuff. I feel better now that I did it though.

I know I've posted this before, but I wanted to share it one more time. This is Gogo's dressage at Groton House H.T. in 2009.... we won this event on our dressage score of 31.5. Definitely one of the most memorable and best weekends of that entire year.

I might upload some more old videos of her in the near future, things I've not posted before.... I'll have to sort through my footage and see what I can find!

The Collective Gift!

2011-12-03T10:50:00.000-08:00

The gift that Denali's Mom organized is finally here!!

Many of you remember way back in November of last year when Denali was set to be euthanized, and I took collections for a present for Denali's Mom. A miracle happened - Denali got better - and she is still happy and healthy and around today. We took the donation money and had an awesome portrait of Denali commissioned, and needless to say she loved it. And now, when it is my turn to mourn and grieve, Denali's Mom led the charge (along with a few others!) and took collections from readers and fellow bloggers for a gift for me so I too could have something to remember my crazy mare by.

The gift arrived today in the mail...

Lynn Mazer crafted this absolutely stunning quilt, complete with my favorite pictures of Mami all over it (they had me pick them out before I even knew what the gift was!). My cats were all over it the second I put it on the bed for pictures... it even started a catfight between Mimi and Jasper because both wanted to sleep in the same spot!
The second half of the gift was an enormous check so that I could take tailhair that I saved from Gogo and make it into whatever I want from my favorite horsehair place, Pony Locks. I already have two of their necklaces, one from Quincy and one from Metro... and they are still holding up to MUCH use and abuse on my part years and years later! I'll have another necklace made for Gogo. I'm sure it will withstand many more years of excessive wear and tear on my part, and still look beautiful way down the road.

I cannot thank you all enough for this gift. The generosity everyone has shown is just mind-blowing, and I don't even know what to say except thank you. Thank you. Thank you. A million times, thank you. You don't have any idea how much this means to me. I love you all.

Sideblog

2011-12-01T14:59:00.000-08:00

Bay Girl has a blog! It might only be a temporary thing, as I'm not sure how long I'll be able to work with her, but it's something worth going to look at, even if it is a bit boring right now (all we're doing is gentle desensitization)..... go check it out!

Project Runaway: The Uncatchable Number 257

The Uncatchable Number 257

2011-11-26T14:46:00.000-08:00

Hmmm, that's an interesting title, says everyone who is currently reading this post. Who, the collective masses ask, is The Uncatchable Number 257?

She's a mare with a number instead of a name. She is a surrogate mare from an embryo transfer program, pregnant with a deceased mare's foal. She is half-wild, uncatchable, and unhandled. She kicks when you pick up her feet, she can't be haltered (and instead must live in one with a catch rope), and she flinches away from human touch. She is also absolutely drop dead gorgeous and a lovely mover... which you often get a good glimpse of while she is running away from you in the opposite direction.

And she's my current project. She is under my care and handling as of this past Wednesday.

Say WHAT?

Number 257 is not owned by me, obviously. She is property of an embryo transfer program somewhere in the area (more details coming when I get them). We know absolutely nothing about her except that she is pregnant with the foal of a mare who died a few months ago due to some sort of freak abdominal bleed out. She arrived at our facility shortly before I did, and is here until the foal is weaned. (Maybe by then they will want to find a new home for her... she would make an amazing eventer!). She only came with the name Number 257.... we've been calling her "Bay Girl." I've been granted permission to give her a new name... thank god! I don't know how old she is, what breed she is, or what her history is (although I am guessing some sort of Araby-TBy-something). One thing is clear however.... someone was very, very mean to her. When all you are to the world is a uterus, no one cares enough to handle you with any sort of care.

She lives outside in a halter with a catch rope. We took her halter off one time while she was in a stall... it took me quite a long time to get it back on again. Anything from her cheeks forward is off limits for human hands in her mind. I managed to somehow get my hand over her nose (which resulted in a lot of head tossing), and after she had backed up twice around the stall with me at her nose, she finally stopped and I somehow got the halter on. I think if I hadn't been the one feeding her for three months prior to this event, I would have never been able to even lay a hand on her, even in a stall.

And yet, there is so much promise and potential in there. She does crosstie, and she does tie (or well, she hasn't set back yet...). She stands (mostly) for grooming. She is jumpy when you move too fast, but there is never that rolling white of panic in her eye. In fact, I have yet to see her truthfully get panicky... I have yet to see white in her eye at all save for when I somewhat unceremoniously tossed the crownpiece of her rope halter over her neck when I was trying to halter her in the stall (she had stretched to the height of a small giraffe at this point). I can't really blame her for that... and even then, with a soothing word from me she stopped moving and didn't flail or panic even though she was squished into the corner of a stall with no escape. Behind the jumpiness is a sensible mind... even standing completely alone in the very scary pool barn (with filters running and everything), she never bothered to look at a thing, cry out for anyone, or squiggle unnecessarily. She deserves so much more than the life that she has been dealt.

She is very pregnant at this point in time (and we have no idea when she is due), so she isn't going to be doing anything strenuous anytime in the near future. But I intend on at least making her easy to catch and easy to handle... and get some basic groundwork in too. After the foal is here and after it is weaned.... well, we'll see! She has a VERY long way to go before she would EVER be ready for actual work, so I will have plenty to keep myself busy!

I don't know how long she will be under my care, but I think she at least deserves her own blog, don't you think? I think I'm going to call her Portia. She is such a feminine, pretty mare... she deserves a sexy name!

Just a few bad pictures of the sweetheart....

Such a pretty girl. The picture of her butt is of her brand (and her namesake)... simply the number 257. And the picture of her nosey is one I snapped when she actually walked up to me!!

More about what little I've done with her and what my plans are with her later.... as for right now, here is some Sophie eye-candy! (Or not... these are pictures of her taken this past week. She is very saggy and out of shape due to the fact that she has literally not even been handled for a few months!)

It is uncanny how much she looks like Metro. I mean look!

Although she is a definite improvement on his conformation. Not that she is anywhere near perfect, obviously, but she is far better put together than he was, bless his sweet heart.

Suggestions for the new Portia (or other name!) blog are welcome!

Giving Thanks, 2011 Style

2011-11-24T06:08:00.000-08:00

I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for my family, who still puts up with me even after all these years. The older I get, the more I appreciate them and I can't wait to see them at Christmas.
I am thankful all my friends and contacts worldwide, who have been there for me throughout all these tough times and continue to send their unwavering support.
I am thankful for my menagerie of pets... the make me smile and laugh every day (and sometimes pull my hair out!).
I am thankful that I am still excited for the future, because it's only just beginning.
I am thankful for Texas, even though it's one of the most ridiculous and random decisions I've ever made, it led me right to Future Hubs... and that's exactly where I want to be.

And most of all...
I'm thankful for five beautiful, crazy, intense, amazing, eventful, and memorable years with my Gogo. She made me a far better horsewoman and rider, she made me laugh and cry, she molded who I am now as a young adult, she got me started on my career path of choice.... and so much more. Thanks for everything, Mami.

From Ti, Tonka, Twiggy, Jasper, Snidgey, Mimi, Saba, and myself, Happy Thanksgiving, and I hope you all have plenty to be thankful for too.

Another Gift!

2011-11-22T04:20:00.001-08:00

I received yet ANOTHER Gogo portrait in the mail! This one was commissioned by Amy and done by her friend Danielle Larovere. It's a picture that was taken of Gogo standing with her back against the forsynthias at our old home in CT... I've always loved this picture because of her big cheesy SMILE! The artist said that was actually a bit of a challenge because it made it look almost cartoonish at first!

It will be framed shortly and be placed up on the Gogo Wall of Fame! I'll have to get pictures of the entire thing when it is complete, it's going to be LOADED full of pictures!

Happy Three-Year Anniversary, Eventing-A-Gogo!

2011-11-17T10:16:00.000-08:00

Today is the three-year anniversary of the Eventing-A-Gogo blog!

As always, I am completely amazing to find that another year has already come and gone. We all know the story of the origins of the blog by now: it all started three years ago as nothing more than a little something to keep track of my training successes (and failures) with my wild little mare, and it turned into so much more. I've made countless contacts and friends through my writing, and the unwavering support you all have shown me in my time of sorrow has been so helpful and so meaningful to me. Thanks to everyone who has followed this journey... this chapter in my life is closing, but there will be many different adventures in the future, and those of us who took part in Gogo's life will never be able to forget her. Without further ado, here is a review of the past year, from where we left off last November until now:

November 2010:

Gogo has finished her tendon rehab completely and is back in full work. She also gets to go on hacks to the beach regularly! I announce that I am leaving my current job, and find another to take its place, this time in Southern Pines, NC. I am looking violently forward to getting Gogo back into some real event-type training when a mystery misstep suddenly leaves Gogo very lame again. Ultrasound confirms a reinjury of the area, and we decide that it's time to stop what we're doing and give her a few years out in a field. The news is devastating, but not the end of the world. She might come back, but she might not... only time will tell.

December 2010:

My job offer in Southern Pines falls through, and instead I take a job outside of Fort Worth, Texas. (Still not sure what I was thinking at the time, but so glad I did it anyway!) Between November and December I manage the incredibly complicated feat of moving the menagerie all the way down to the deep south. We spend our last few weeks in Connecticut taking snowy walks and trimming feets. Gogo goes into 10-hour turnout as per our rehab schedule, and she managed to not freak out or kill herself... well, at least not too badly. I discuss breeding or buying my next horse, and start much heated debate. And of course, we move!

January 2011:

Daily life for Gogo is pretty boring for the first half of the month.... out all day, in all night, rinse lather repeat the next day. She gives a message to all of her followers on how to get your human to spend more time with you, spends far too much time on her hind legs trying to kill her neighbors, and then finally moves to the 15 acres behind my house for 24/7 turnout. She doesn't approve at first, and tries to kill herself on the fence, which doesn't surprise anyone. I talk more about Metro, and end up with a new Dobe/Rott pup and not one but TWO new cats!

February 2011:

Texas has a deathsnow deathstorm, and I am without water and heat for an entire week. I try to bring home a free lease project, and it goes pretty horribly wrong, so he goes back home within short order. We lose a good horse to a freak accident. Gogo finally stops trying to kill herself and settles into her new daily routine just fine. Aside from that, I don't write much.

March 2011:

The weather begins to break in March, and I lament not being able to keep a pasture horse clean... coming from show barns, this is a very different lifestyle for both of us! Gogo starts to gain weight as the grass comes in, and meets her ultimate nemesis, the grazing muzzle. We change some maintenance issues, and cut grain from her diet completely. I reminisce on the good old show days of 2009. The blog has 300 official followers... I can't hardly believe it.

April 2011:

In the beginning of the month, I announce that I am finally, FINALLY pursing a career in natural hoofcare! I roach Gogo's mane and am delighted with how it turns out. Denali's Mom's gift finally gets finished, Gogo's soundness and strength out in the field continues to improve, and I almost die in a tornado. As the grass comes in, Gogo's weight gain gets out of hand, and her feet go through some unpleasant changes. I start to realize just how much diet has to do with hoofcare (everything).

May 2011:

I write about missing Quincy as I always do in May. Gogo has a minor brainfart meltdown about her shed and refuses to use it in a hailstorm. She then of course sets out to prove me wrong when I make the generalized statement that she'll never use it under any circumstances. Her lameness improves! She is still not sound, but she is getting better and better as the weeks and months go by. Her feet improve. She permanently destroys her grazing muzzle. And I sit on her bareback once or twice! Temperatures reach 100 degrees, and don't cool off again for the next five months.

June 2011:

Gogo turns 10 years old on June 2nd! (And Tonka turns 1, and Snidgey turns 3!) We go in to see Dr. H for our six-month ultrasound, and it doesn't go particularly well. There are a lot of adhesions and lots of scar tissue within the tendon sheath... something turnout unfortunately did to her. Dr. H tells me to sit on her w/t/c and I do... she feels very good to start. But not long thereafter she blows a suspected adhesion and I despair. I talk about the unfortunate and harsh realities of turning a horse with a soft tissue injury out. I leave my job (with much relief, as it turned out to be quite a lot different than it was supposed to be). I'm not feeling particularly great at the halfway point of the year, and hope that it improves from here on out.

July 2010:

Gogo moves barns (and I move too), and finds herself in with a herd of her own to control and boss around. She has some sort of odd discharge from one of her teats that doesn't improve with anything we do, hardcore antibiotics included (she will have this strange discharge for the short rest of her life). She is ridiculously sound all things considered (not SOUND, but better than she has been since her last reinjury). We talk legs, and we talk feet. Gogo and I celebrate five very eventful and wonderful years together at the end of the month.

August 2011:

At the beginning of the month, I try to sit on Gogo again in order to hopefully eliminate some of her enormity (walk only). The first day of this, she turns up with fill in the leg and serious lameness. We talk about fatness, feet, and the problems of turning out a horse with a soft tissue injury again. I start talking about the prospect of eventually getting another horse, and about regretting my decision to turn her out. I also face the reality of what might happen if she doesn't get better. We get some bad news from the vet and have a brand new and very bad injury. I start to consider the possibility of not having my mare around for much longer.

September 2011:

In the beginning of September, I get my hopes up about giving everything one last ditch effort. The blog reaches 500 posts, and we pass the two year mark from the original injury at the AECs in 2009. I sit down and make a Go or No Go plan for potential rehab, and we have some gorgeous photos taken of us together. Gogo gets her tubba, homeopathy, and some AquaTread time and we think that this might possibly be our magic bullet for restoring her to some level of soundness. But her left leg ends up with compensatory damage, and she becomes bilaterally lame at the end of the month. I can be hopeful all I want in my head, but when I look at her, I know there is no real hope.

October 2011:

Gogo goes back to the vet for a final checkup with Dr. H, and the news is bad. Her entire suspensory apparatus is failing, and her distal sesamoidean ligaments are fraying with alarming rapidity. We discuss the final decision that we must make, and I decide to let her have a few final weeks of happy retirement before letting her go. Her legs have other ideas, and her right hind fetlock begins to sink shortly after our vet appointment. Her entire demeanor also deteriorates, and she tells me she is hurting and ready to go. I have one final bareback ride and one final wonderful afternoon with her, and then I let her go on October 11th. She went peacefully and with nobility, like a true lady should.

November 2011:

On November 11th, Gogo has been gone for an entire month. Gifts come flooding in from friends and readers, and are still coming in as we speak. There will not be another year of Eventing-A-Gogo after this, but it will remain as a tribute to her and to all the memories we shared together.

Happy Anniversary, Eventing-A-Gogo, even though it's a bittersweet one. The blog has 411 official followers as of today and I can't hardly believe it. I miss her so much, and sometimes still can't believe she's really gone. Thank you to everyone who has shared in this journey... you don't know what it means to me.

"Somewhere in time's own space
There must be some sweet pastured place
Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some paradise where horses go
For by the love that guides my pen
I know great horses live again."

Another Gift

2011-11-16T16:20:00.000-08:00

I received another awesome Gogo gift in the mail the other day! This is the second set of portraits that I have in my hands now, and there are more on the way. I'll keep posting them as they keep coming in! Gogo is going to have a legit wall of fame in my house! (Not that she doesn't already... practically every surface in the place has either ribbons she won or pictures of her on it!)

This is a set of tiny little watercolors commissioned by Snowhawk for me. The artist is a friend of hers, Cori Trout. The portrait is from when Josh Baker of AzulOx Photography came up to shoot some pictures of us recently (courtesy of JenJ!), and the jumping picture is of us at Groton House in 2009. I'll never forget that water complex as long as I live!

Crappy phone photo does not do them justice. They're so tiny and awesome! I'll have to figure out a good way to frame them. My other portrait from Niamh is getting framed as we speak.

And of course, how can we forget my own personal tribute to my mare? Very, very longterm readers will remember when I got my M on my chest for Metro, overtop my Q for Quincy. When Quincy died, I wanted to memorialize him with a tattoo over my heart, and I came up with the idea of using the first letter of his name and his color in the center of the letter as my tribute. (Yeah, I know my heart's not exactly anatomically right there, but it's symbolic, so there you are!) Of course, when Metro died he got the same memorial. And, true to form, Gogo gets one too.

The tattoo artist even touched up the colors in the M and the Q for me... you can tell how old the Q is by now. I had that one done at least six years ago... the M is two years old. I LOVE it. It's perfect. Simply perfect.
I'd also like to point out the very, very worn and loved horsehair necklace (with very tarnished silver band) that I am wearing. That is Quincy's tailhair. I have one of Metro's tailhair as well, and I wear either one or the other almost every day of my life. Keep this in mind... something else might be coming in the mail in the not too distant future as well! ;)

Tomorrow is a bit of a bittersweet day.... it's the three year anniversary of the Eventing-A-Gogo blog. I will of course do my year in review as I always have, but it makes me a little sad to think that this will be the final year of Eventing-A-Gogo. I guess I'll just have to continue the tradition on whenever it is that I end up with another horse and another blog. Eventing-A-Gogo will remain up as a permanent tribute to Gogo, of course, but it's still a little bit sad when you think about the fact that there will be no more future years to review.

One month ago today.

2011-11-11T16:11:00.000-08:00

I lost Gogo a month ago today.
I'm not sure if it feels like it has been an eternity since then, or a moment.
I am still hurting very badly.
I am in the process of making plans to get up and see Metro's daughter, but that won't happen until January. Until then, my horse shopping has basically come to a complete standstill. When Metro died, I dove headfirst into searching for a new horse, and found healing in that way. This time around, I'm just not ready. Gogo was everything I wanted in a four-legged soulmate, competition and companion qualities alike. Everything about her was perfect for me, all wrapped up with her own little spicy flair added to the mix for extra laughs, extra tears, and extra clear memories of her. I will not be able to replace her. This is part of the difficulty in moving on from her. She is, and always will be, completely irreplaceable. There will never be another one like her.
I've heard from more than one of you that you miss hearing about her. I can certainly understand it.... I sure miss writing about her.

The world is not the same without her in it. She has left her magnificence and grandeur behind her, however, and the endless stories and memories of her live on in her wake. She touched a lot of lives and changed a lot of people... if she knew, she might just flick her tail in haughty indifference, as if to say, "All in a day's work."

The horse world is currently collectively mourning the great Olympic stallion Hickstead, who died after experiencing aortic rupture in Verona this week immediately following one of his rounds at the World Cup. His rider Eric Lamaze, who was mounted when the horse collapsed, had this very moving sentiment to say on the ordeal:

"What these horses do for us is incredible. They become part of our family. They really change our lives. It is a sport we choose because we love it and it is sport we choose because we also love the animal. It is not like breaking a hockey stick or breaking a tennis racket. We become very close to these animals and we have great respect for what they do for us. We are in the limelight with them. A horse like Hickstead changed my career. For me, it meant everything."

My Gogo was not an Olympian. She was not anywhere near the realm of an athlete like Hickstead. But for me, the sentiment is exactly the same. She molded and changed me, and her death was that of losing an irreplaceable family member. She was, and always will be, everything.

I posted this video a few months ago, but I wanted to share it again because these are some of my favorite memories of my little seahorse...

I miss you, Mama mare. I miss you every day.

I'm doing all right, for the shape I'm in.

2011-11-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Three weeks have gone by since Gogo passed away. I've kept very busy at work, spending my days working horses out in the AquaTread and applying therapies as per my usual. It's all very healing to be able to help other hurt horses, even though it makes me horribly depressed that I couldn't help or save my own. I focused a lot on rehab work when I was in college, and actually designed a facility for a senior project during college that was quite a lot like the one I work at now. I really, really enjoy my job, and I love my growing group of clients that I trim for as well. I'm not advertising yet - I so don't feel ready for that! - but I imagine I will start to actively market myself sometime in the not-too-distant future. Should our claim for mortality come through from Gogo's insurance, I am going to take a different direction with it instead of what I had originally planned to do with it (put it back into another relatively expensive horse). Instead, I plan to take a chunk of the money and use it to solidly establish my business. The rest of it will go into savings, and also into another horse... but I will not be buying another mega expensive warmblood for the time being. Maybe someday I will be rich and famous and be able to throw money around like it is nothing (unlikely!), but for now my priorities are different than they were five years ago when I bought Gogo. I have her to thank for this entire journey, and I will be forever grateful for it.

I received a write up from the vet's office today for my second to last vet bill I'll ever have from Gogo, this one from 10/4 when I took her in for her final evaluation. The write up was incredibly depressing, but assuredly puts to rest any doubts I have had since the time of her euthanasia (with commentary in parenthesis by me):

"Today Gogo is borderline 4/5 lame on RH, has been progressively worse since last exam of RH distal sesamoidean ligaments injury. Lame at walk with 2+ increased settle of RH fetlock especially at right turns - still enlarged grossly and markedly painful to palpation. LH has 3+ effusion in digital sheath and moderate enlargement @ the DSL (distal sesamoidean ligaments)/P1 as RH. Trotting straight increased 2+ RH fetlock flexion response increased 3+, took ~4 strides to get her foot back down. (She hopped away after flexion.) Hock/stifle and suspensory ligament has no pain or flexion response.
Feet are well trimmed and short toes. (Go me! He doesn't know I'm her hoofcare provider so this was great to see that he made a point of mentioning it!)
DXR (digital xray) of RH to evaluate sesamoid position and potential joint subluxation.
Sesamoids are notably distal in position more so than normal and pastern joint is WNL (within normal limits) at this time. (Three days later, it was NOT within normal limits.)
Based on the progressive nature of the RH injury and body mass that accelerates the issue, there is a 0% chance of performance and a guarded prognosis for anything else based on the likelihood of a breakdown injury."

Which possibly was the most depressing write up I've ever seen. I had a great day at work today, but after reading that I just wanted to lay down and forget about everything for a little while. It of course assures me that I did the right thing, but man... it just hurts to read about it.

Her death has profoundly affected me in a lot of ways. I'm really doing well in a lot of aspects of my life - I'm living relatively comfortably, I'm gathering clients and building a nice base in my own business, I'm working a rehab job that I really enjoy, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous, I'm with the Future Hubs of my dreams, I get to see my family AND Nicole who I have not seen in three years come December - but I'm really hurting when it comes to the whole process of finding another horse. I've completely stopped looking at ads of nice youngsters for sale because everytime that I do, I just see a future of debilitating lameness and death. I know it's a bit irrational and extreme, but I am having a hard time not looking at it that way. I just couldn't keep either of my last two horses sound, and I lost both of them because of it. If I couldn't do it for Metro, and I couldn't do it for Gogo (who was my absolute best possible chance to redeem myself after Metro), then how could I do it for another horse? It feels like a lot of my hopes and dreams of competing have died out with her as well. I don't think they are dead and gone forever, but I think they will take some coaxing to come back out again. It isn't that competing isn't a priority anymore, it's just that I have zero desire to break a horse down again. I need to do something for awhile that is lower key in order to prove to myself that I can actually do right by a horse for once and not cripple and kill it. Then, and only then, will I be able to get back to the level that I wanted. Then I will be able to find my fighting spirit again. But it will take a long time.

Which is why I am so interested in Metro's daughter Sophie. Aside from wanting to own her for the past seven years, she might be exactly what I need in order to heal, do right by my karma, and come around again. According to her owner, she is still fine to jump around at 3', but at 4' she comes up a little short behind due to her old stifle injury. The best vets in Calgary worked her up when it happened six years ago, and the best they could come up with was that it was some sort of acute trama. Nothing showed up on any of the images they took with various instruments. I wasn't even banking on her being able to do anything beyond a little dressage and some trail (if even that!), so it's all gravy on top. If she can do some tiny lower level eventing, that's great! If not, that's fine too. As long as she is sound enough to carry my butt around and help me feel like I have a chance at finally righting my horrible horsey karma and turning my eternally awful bad luck around, that's about all I could ask for. This mare deserves all the love, attention, and affection I can shower her with. She's been bounced around and around, and she deserves a well-earned permanent home until the end of her days. I hope I am the one to be able to give that to her. I have absolutely no free time until January (unless something magically opens up), so I don't know what is going to happen in terms of being able to get up there and try her out. And who knows? Maybe I will hate her, or maybe she'll be a total cripple and I won't take her. We'll just have to see.

The Eventing-A-Gogo blog has 404 followers as of today. That is absolutely amazing, and thank you all for taking the time to read about my precious little mare. Through everyone who knew her or read about her, her memory will live on, and for that I am so grateful. Thanks to every last one of you.

Here's Sophie! I am not a fan of that name but I think that I have known her for seven years as Sophie, so it might be completely impossible to chance should she ever come home with me:

She's by no means picture perfect, but she is definitely an improvement on Metro's conformation, that's for sure!

A Gift.

2011-10-30T07:06:00.000-07:00

In the weeks following Gogo's death, I've received a flood of wonderful gifts from people all over the world. I've posted several pictures of portraits people have done of Gogo, and on Friday I got a package on my doorstep... the first of them to physically arrive in my hands.

Niamh over at Hoofbeats for Heartbeats is the mastermind behind this idea. She spilled the beans on the project when she wrote about it in a tutorial (seriously, I dunno how the girl has so much patience, even as a detail-oriented and artistically-inclined person I'm not sure I could EVER have so much patience!), so I knew what it looked like, but I was not prepared for how amazing it is in person! Also note the AMAZING handmade card!

Simply stunning. Stunning! I will be having it framed and put up on my wall alongside all her ribbons, right where it belongs. Can't wait to see all the rest of the portraits when they arrive too!

Thank you Niamh!!!

Pieces of Heart Horses.

2011-10-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

This story begins with a younger me, my beloved gelding Metro, and a laptop in a college dorm room. I was a freshman, completely enamored with my beast-gelding, and was spending a moment of my free time surfing the vast interwebz for old information about my horse instead of doing something important (homework? Why do that?). Quite by accident, I stumbled upon a sale ad for a bay mare named Chloe in Alberta, Canada. Her sire was listed as Blue Rodeo, Metro's Canadian-registered name. Immediately I perked up. He was her sire? I knew he had been kept a stallion until he was six, and that he had bred a few mares, but didn't know of any actual offspring around anywhere. Sure enough, the fantastic little mare was up for grabs at a fairly hefty price. Video clips of her showed some dressage and galloping cross country. Pictures told of a beautiful, well put together mare. Her description sounded like she was exactly like my Metro, even walking boldly up to a running chainsaw and attempting to put her nose on it (yikes!). I oogled over the ad for weeks, wishing I could somehow find a way to afford a second horse. One day, a big graphic proclaiming "SOLD!" appeared on the front of her ad. Disappointed but not discouraged, I e-mailed the owners and asked if I could be put in touch with her new owner so I could speak with her. After some complicated finagling, and some months down the road, I managed to reach her. We sent countless e-mailed to each other, chronicling our collective related journeys and our precious horses. I was enamored with the little mare.

A year or so down the road, I got back in touch with the mare's owner. We discussed setting up a custom breeding for me for a Windfall baby out of her, now redubbed from Chloe to Sophie. My Metro had died by this time, and I wanted to keep a piece of him alive with me always. This never ended up coming to fruition, as I ended up buying Gogo instead. I told the owner that if she ever needed to find a home for Sophie, she could always contact me and I'd take her in a heartbeat.

We kept in touch over the following few years, just little drop ins to ask how everything was going and how our little mares were doing. Sophie was bred and produced a precious little filly by a Swedish stud, born right in the middle of a horrible storm with no muss or fuss. Life went on as it always had.

A year and a half ago, I couldn't get ahold of the owner. Her e-mail had been changed, and I had to do some serious Googling to find her. It took some time, but I managed to get ahold of her again to see how Sophie was doing. Much to my surprise, she was for sale. The owner was pregnant and no longer had time for her. Would I like to buy her for $10,000? Well, I couldn't exactly afford that random expense, much less keep two horses at the level which I was accustomed (spoiling rotten and sparing no expense), so I unfortunately had to turn her down. I was heartbroken. I wanted that mare so badly it made me ache.

She offered her to me again some months down the road. Again, I couldn't afford to keep two horses, so I declined. I forgot about it in the haze of rehabbing Gogo. We lost touch again.

This morning, completely out of the blue, I received another e-mail from the owner. I hadn't spoken to her in nearly a year. Would I still be interested in Sophie, she asked? Price dropped to $2500.

Good lord. Could that timing be better? One door closes, another opens.

This isn't the perfect deal. She's 15. She had an old stifle injury years ago that I know nothing about. I have no idea what she's been up to, if anything. I have to hear back from the owner concerning all of these things. But honestly, with this horse I wouldn't even care if she was just another expensive hayburner looking pretty out in a field. Let's hope she's not, let's hope she's perfectly rideable and wonderful, but either way it wouldn't matter to me. I've been actively pursuing this horse for almost 7 years. She could have three legs in the grave for all I care.

It's interesting about how much resistance I've gotten about this. Everyone says not to even bother thinking about pursuing it. Everyone is absolutely sure that they know what I want. Even my own mother told me I wanted a different kind of horse than this. I think that is all very interesting, seeing as aside from owning a piece of my heart horse, I don't even know what I want. To be fair, externally I imagine it looks like I want another uber-talented youngster who can replace Gogo as a Prelim prospect. In reality, the more that I think about it, the more that I feel ill about the prospect of essentially breaking and killing another horse. Do I want a horse with huge expectations and then be horribly let down when I fail to take them anywhere except to Lameness Town, or do I want something sweet and fun that will pleasantly surprise me if they turn out to be a good riding horse? Do I actually want to look at all of the following: a big, fancy warmblood that will win everything but totally fall apart a few years down the road? A little project mutt that will be fun but might not amount of anything at all? An off the track broken down maniac that might either kill me or itself in the process of turning it around? When you put it all that way, it's hard not to get discouraged about this whole process, and I'm pretty soured off the whole sporthorse ordeal at the moment.

This is not a good picture of her - Blogger for whatever reason won't let me upload the good ones - but you can get a vague idea of what she sort of looks like:

She's a lovely lovely girl.

An Old 'Remember When'

2011-10-23T08:14:00.000-07:00

Just some old videos of Gogo and I schooling XC in the POURING rain two and a half years ago in CT. Man that was a long time ago.

One More Possibility (EDIT: Now with video!)

2011-10-22T14:31:00.000-07:00

.... then I'm getting off my computer for the day, I swear!

This Mustang mare has eventer written alllllllllllllllllll over her....

.... and she's an hour away! And cheap!

Done now, promise ;)

EDIT: Got a video of her! DANG that trot! Canter is lateral and one of my biggest things is a nice correct uphill canter... so we'll see. It does become more correct when she slows down so there is promise. This video is of her first time with an English saddle on, and she is only 4 months out of the wild!

A Case of the Fuglies

2011-10-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

In eyeballing a few of these miscellaneous Mustangs in my area for moderately workable conformation, I have also come across a few of the most incredibly fugly beasts I have ever seen. In my last post about the little blue eyed mare I received a few comments about how Mustangs can either be completely awesome little sporthorse powerhouses, or total conformational nightmares, and I completely agree. I have seen some AWFUL looking fuglies out there! Certainly not their fault - they didn't ask to be born ugly, just one ugly bred to another ugly and it worked enough to survive! - but it certainly makes for a good case of the oh-you-poor-thing giggles early in the morning.

Evaluating conformation of the blue-eyed mare in comparison to Gogo and Padre, the Mustang who was Grand Champion in-hand in his 4 and older stallions class at Dressage at Devon last year:

It's a bit hard to tell without enlarging, but she's not TOO terribly put together. She is quite a lot longer than what I normally go for - look at how compact Gogo was! - but she does have a great shoulder and a pastern angle that matches, which is more than I can say for Gogo (killer shoulder but pasterns that were totally upright and never matched either her shoulder or her feet!) The mare's neck is a bit short and possibly a bit inverted, but mostly I think that is a lack of proper muscling (see how Gogo has the same problem, and Padre as well). Both Padre and the little mare have shorter legs than ideal and both are a bit on the long side. Hind end on the mare has decent leg angles but not a whole lot in the actual haunch area - might also be a muscling issue. She might beef up a bit with proper training and become a little less awkward. Overall, honestly, she's not that bad. Not great, but not that bad.

At least, not in comparison to these poor beasts..... enjoy your morning dose of Fugly!

The Flip Side

2011-10-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

So.... there is one part of horse-shopping me that is looking at all these fancy expensive warmbloods that I am so used to having the privileged of working with and owning.....

And then..........

There is another part of me that really wants a Mustang.

Is that weird?

It's just that sometimes, sometimes.... I see a little gem like this who lives right around the corner for me for dirt cheap, and think hmmmm.... I bet that thing could jump. What a fun project that would be. And MAYBE it wouldn't break down in 2.5 seconds like a warmblood would, according to Murphy's Law (the more expensive the horse, the more likely it is to fall apart).

I might be completely nuts, but I still think that taking something like this mare and flipping it either for a profit or for myself might be a HELL of a lot of fun!

Tentatively Moving Forward

2011-10-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough week for me, understandably. I've been a bit of a mess and doing things like randomly breaking down and bawling in the barn/store/public/everywhere all week long. I got a beautiful certificate in from the pet cemetery stating that they said her to rest on the 12th and I also got a map of where her lot is. Bowie isn't close to here but we're considering going up there camping for a weekend (which we wanted to do anyway) so we can also stop by and visit her. You can see the pet cemetery here... looks beautiful. I'm glad she's buried instead of disposed of or cremated.... I mean when she's dead she's dead, it's just a body, but it's nice to have somewhere to be able to physically visit. Plus you KNOW if I had had her cremated I would spill that urn and make a big disturbing mess in my house. That would be off the charts awkward.

I had two new clients this past weekend, with three horses between them. On top of the other 5 I had to do, and working for the rest of the week, I kept pretty busy and am pretty tired at the end of it all. I know it isn't a ton considering how many a full-time trimmer or farrier does every day, but everyone has to start somewhere. As I was working on one of the new mares, I thought to myself, "you know... if it weren't for Gogo, I'd never be doing this." I felt a surge of gratitude towards her in that moment, and will carry that with me through my career. I have her to thank for all of this... for getting started with barefoot horses, for taking this up as a career, for bringing me here to Texas to Future Hubs and my first clients. Thank you, my sweet Mama. You don't know how much you changed me.

Wherever Gogo is now, I bet she's happy, fat, sound, and in charge. Future Hubs and I were joking that Gogo is now up in Horsey Heaven somwhere, barging in on Metro and Quincy peacefully sharing some pasture going, "There's a new Queen in town... that's Mama's food now, ya'll better move the F over!!" My poor boys must be cowering in a corner going, "what was Mom thinking with THIS one?" Oh Gogo. Forever the Marest of them all.

I've been enjoying living vicariously through all my friends and the blogging community over the past year, watching everyone heading off to shows and trail riding and enjoying hacks and adventures and everything inbetween, and sitting out without complaint because I had my Gogo to take care of and having her around was worth not riding. Now, however, it is slowly dawning on me that soon I might be able to partake in all those things again. I might be able to gallop in a big field, and ride a perfect dressage test, and go for a swim, and power through a tough XC course. It's been so long since I did any of those things.... last time I jumped an XC jump was over two years ago. Can you believe that? I hardly can!

With that in mind, I made a vague list of what I want to be looking for in my next horse. I've tentatively started the search just to give myself something to do - it was immensely therapeutic when Metro died, and it is definitely just as much fun now as it ever was - and I think I have a basic outline of what I am looking for:

What do I want in my next horse?
1) Between ages of 2-9... prospect or trained…. U/S or not, O/F or not, depending on age/price/experience... specifically for EVENTING
2) Excellent conformation, lightly built but with good bone
3) Breed not important – aptitude important! Something ideal: ½ WB ½ TB... but ANY breed will do if it meets all other criteria!
4) Mare... not gelding unless a special one comes along!
5) Something I can keep barefoot if at all possible!
6) Something that will also do dressage/trail/fun/driving/whatever… all-around fun!
7) Between 15.3-17.0... slight height differences OK if the right horse
8) NO lameness/serious blemish issues... NO maintenance... NO history of major medical problems
9) NO VICES
10) Bold, relatively forward, alpha-type attitude... not spooky or insecure
11) NOT lazy and NOT hot! Right in the middle!
12) 3 GOOD gaits – pure walk, a trot with reach, uphill canter... and a NICE jump

Unfortunately when I sit back and looked at it, basically the horse I want is Gogo. My criteria are essentially the same now as when I went out looking for her (versus when I went out looking for Metro). I want something nice, and I want something I can win on. Let's face it though, my butt ain't going to Rolex ever in my life, and that's fine by me! I want to go Prelim or potentially a little further IF I had the right horse someday. But at 26, eventing is a hobby I have as an adult ammy and that is the way it will stay. My professional life with horses has nothing to do with riding and training and that's how I like it! I never want to HAVE to get on when I don't feel like it. I want something talented that I can win on but I don't need to buy something that should be in the hands of a more talented rider than I. Even more than my desire to show and do well is my desire to own something that can do all the goofy things that I have always done with all my horses: swimming, trail riding, going through the drive-through window at the local fast food place, bareback jaunts, dabbling in other disciplines, you name it. All things to keep in mind.

It needs to move well and jump well and be sound. It needs to be built to last. It needs to have an awesome, comical, brash personality. It needs to NOT have any vices or annoying little tics that I hate so very much... from the blatantly irritating (cribbing, weaving, obsessive pawing, etc) to the get-under-my-own-personal-pet-peeved-out-skin annoying (chewing on crossties, raking teeth on the wall, pacing the fence, tongue chewing, etc). Most of the reason that I want a mare is because I find a lot of bolder-type geldings completely annoying... for god's sake horse, give me back the halter, stop letting yourself out of the pasture, and keep your mouth to YOURSELF! There are some habits I can fix, like nastiness at mealtime or poor ground manners, and then there are some that I cannot.
I also want to continue on this journey barefoot and/or using alternative footware (glue-ons, boots, etc). Not only is this in line with my beliefs and experiences, but it also promotes my business ;) And continues to get the word out!

Here's just a sneak preview of two of my interesting finds...

3 year old Trakehner gelding with about 25 rides on him, just backed in August. Rode to the trainers with a riding lawnmower in the back of the trailer - and they had to start it IN the trailer to unload it and he didn't care! Already has been to the beach, jumped over small fences in the arena AND logs/ditches/water, and can w/t/c... I don't think Gogo could even STEER at 25 rides! Video of him first time over fences here. The boy can MOVE... AND he can JUMP! Mostly I just love this face.... he has Metro's eye:

He's obviously a bit weedy looking in these pictures - he's just three and growing! - but I think he's going to fill out to be a GOOD looking horse.

2 year old Holsteiner/ISH mare. All I can say about that jump is DANG. See her moving and jumping here. Definitely not sure that I deserve or need that much talent! I had also hoped to find something under saddle, but I would never EVER be able to afford a horse like this if she was already started. She's described as "smart, athletic, and curious," with "great feet, conformation, and mind." That's what I like to hear!

There's more where that came from... stay tuned ;) Gogo has some HUGE hooves to fill.... I gotta find something that would make her proud after all!

Life Without Gogo

2011-10-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

(Kat drew this picture of Gogo in 2009 and forgot to show me until she tagged it just now on Facebook. Oh Mami, so gorgeous!)

It's been a very bizarre and uncomfortable week. Monday was all stress and anxiety going into Tuesday's euth appointment, Tuesday was obviously all-around miserable despite the enjoyment and final memories that we shared together, and Wednesday and Thursday have been empty and sad and confusing for me. You don't realize how often something is in your subconscious thought until you have to stop and correct yourself every time you think about it. For example: we weaned our two little babies yesterday on the farm, and I caught myself thinking about what Gogo's babies would be like. Or watching a horse on the AquaTread, I thought about wanted to put her on it again with regularity. Or getting off work early, I automatically head in the direction of the barn like I did every day to go see her after work. It's still very much a state of denial and shock for me. Writing is very therapeutic, so I'm glad I have somewhere to exercise it a little bit.

I know it was just as hard for me to deal with the last two deaths of my horses, but for whatever reason, it's just different this time for me. I'm a bit older and far more mature than I was when I lost the last two (I was 19 and 21 at the times, and am now 26), and am in a completely different place in my life. When Quincy died, I already had Metro to turn to for support and company. When Metro died, I immediately jumped in and began my search for a new horse right away - it helped me heal in a lot of ways, and gave me something to direct all my energies towards instead of fretting about losing my friend. Now, I'm in a place where I'm just not quite ready yet to seriously begin looking for a new horse. The grieving process is different. It's not about completely distracting myself from my grief this time, it's about fully embracing and accepting it. It's about immersing myself in the memories I have of her, and mourning for the fact that I won't be able to share any more of my future with her. We were a match set, she and I.... one came with the other as a package deal. Especially in 2009 when I was her primary caretaker in all ways from sunup to sundown (when I was a working student in Connecticut right out of college), she was my entire life and everything that it centered around. I've not made a major life decision in the past five years without majorly factoring her. She has influenced everything I have done. Life without her is like learning to walk all over again using different legs. Or possibly two legs instead of four... I'm not sure. Either way, it's awkward and uncomfortable and very, very sad. Time will work magic on all of this, as it always does, but it will take a long time.

I summed it up best when I described her as the cheese to my macaroni. With her, my horsey life had a very distinct flavor and personality, and without her I am just a bland bowl of vaguely soggy noodles without a sauce... incomplete. I know some other delicious flavor will come along - alfredo sauce, or spaghetti, or who knows what kind? - and will enrich and re-flavor everything. It will be a different flavor and a different dish entirely, but it will still be delicious and awesome. It will just take time.

Are you ready for the waterworks? Bre made this amazing video for us... don't watch this at work if you are emotionally inclined, because you will probably tear up. I know that I personally need to stop watching it, because even after like the 10th time I'm still BAWLING my eyes out every time.

And I cannot thank you guys all enough for the support you've given me. SO many e-mails, comments, calls, texts, and more have still been pouring in from all over the world, and I cannot tell you how amazing that has felt. Thank you all so much, seriously. Thank you.

Gogo Fatale 6/2/01 - 10/11/11

2011-10-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in time's own space
There must be some sweet pastured place
Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
Some paradise where horses go
For by the love that guides my pen
I know great horses live again.
~ Stanley Harrison

Today was a beautiful day to die.

The morning dawned bright and lovely. I was treated to the most lovely sunrise this morning as I fed horses, and knew it was going to be a glorious day weather-wise. I got out of work early at noon, and arrived at the barn carrying armfuls of carrots and apples. Before Future Hubs came to join us, I spent some time with Gogo and her man Leroy in the field, just stuffing them to the brim with carrots. They had some adorable Lady and the Tramp carrot-sharing moments, and they made me laugh.

After Future Hubs arrived, we spent more time just hanging around with Mami in the field, admiring how sparkling clean she was - I couldn't believe she stayed clean after her bath and didn't roll! Of course, as we were watching her talking about how clean she was, she decided that then and there she would find a nasty, filthy spot to roll on both sides in. She waited all night and all day just so she could do it in front of us! Oh, Gogo.
She also mugged us for our Sonic, and surprised me by eating my mozzarella sticks! She also kept going for our straws in our drinks, and ripped Future Hubs' straw right out of his drink when we weren't looking! We played tug of war for awhile with it, silly girl.

I groomed her until she sparkled. We found the only place in the entire state of Texas that had real grass, and she spent some time munching in the sunlight.

We also went for a nice walk. She perked up for a bit, and was happy to get out and move around a bit. She's been staying only in one spot for the past week or so in her field, and has been dull and listless. She was ready to go. After our little walk, I was ready too.

Once at the vet's, it was quick and quiet. There is a designated area behind the barns where they perform euthanasia on horses that can get there under their own steam, and we sedated her heavily ahead of time - something I am grateful for, given how violently Metro reacted. I told her I loved her as many times as I could, and kissed her goodbye. She was gone before she hit the ground.
I gave her one last kiss after she was gone when I was getting ready to walk away. The moment I touched her, she took one last huge involuntary breath. I know it was just a reflex, but somehow it meant something to me... like some part of her body knew it was me.

I took her tail, her forelock, a clipping from her hoof, and her halter home with me. In return, I left a huge part of my heart there with her. But it was the best last day a horse could have ever wanted. And for that, I will ever be forever grateful.

I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of messages, texts, calls, e-mails, posts, and more that I've received in the past two days. Literally hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of people have sent their condolences, and hearing them and reading them have made me cry over and over. I cannot believe how many people's lives my sweet little crazy mare touched. Thanks to each and every one of you for all your heartfelt support and for being there for both us, during the good times and the bad. Life is a journey, and her presence in my life has molded me as a young adult. She's been such an integral part of my life, and she has left an enormous void behind her. I feel pretty awful tonight. I just can't believe it's all over.

You'll be hearing from me, I'm sure of that. This blog will remain up as homage to her, and at some point I will be starting a new blog for future adventures. Not yet, and I'm not really sure when, but it won't be long. Right now is a time for grieving, for remembering, and for celebrating a life come and gone far too soon.

Rest in peace, my sweet, beautiful, crazy, talented, wonderful mare. You're in my heart forever. I love you, now and always.

Tomorrow is the day.

2011-10-10T18:12:00.000-07:00

We set the date today for Gogo's final farewell. Tomorrow afternoon will be her last on earth. It's too soon, but my vet is going out of town, and I want him to be the one to do it. He's been such good support throughout this entire ordeal. In a lot of ways, I am ready. In some, I will never be.

She's tired, and hurting. Her demeanor has really changed in the past week.... she is ready for it to all be over. Every time I've seen her in the past week, this has been her attitude:

That is the face of a mare ready to let go.

I had one little last hoorah on her today, a bareback jaunt with a few other people in the arena for a few minutes. We had 6 inches of rain yesterday (I KNOW, right??), so everything was mush, and she was covered in mud. But she was happy to go for a ride, and so was I.

I gave her a bath, and she seemed to enjoy herself. She won't stay clean overnight, but I did it mostly for me. I just wanted to spend some more time with her.

Tomorrow afternoon, she goes to the vet for the final time. She won't be coming home. There are a lot of little children running around at our farm, and there's no really private place for this to all happen without some poor child stumbling upon an awkward scene at some point during the whole thing, so we decided to do this at the vet clinic instead. There is a local pet cemetery that will be picking her up from the clinic and burying her. Cremation is too expensive, so it's nice to have this option available. It will also be nice to be able to visit an actual physical place, like I can do with my boys when I am home in Michigan. (They are buried side by side at the place where I grew up riding.)

It's awful. And sad. And miserable. And the right thing to do. Thanks to everyone who has sent me well wishes.... you don't know how much it means to me. I have my Mo here too, so I'll be all right.

Send her some good thoughts before she goes over the Bridge. I'll be with her until the very end.

Letter from a Reader

2011-10-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

I get a lot of reader e-mail, and I read and cherish every one. I try as hard as I can to reply to all of them (as some of you know, I totally fail at this), and want all of you to know that all of it touches and moves me. It makes me feel like I've touched you and moved you too.

This is a letter I got in before I got the bad news about Gogo. It so parallels the journey that Gogo and I were taking that I asked the sender if I could share it, and she said yes.

"Hi Andrea,

My name is Tylia (pronounced tee-lia), and I stumbled across your blog sometime in the Fall of last year when I was doing research about barefoot horses. I spent about a week reading the whole thing from the beginning and have been keeping up ever since.

I want you to know how powerful your gorgeous Gogo, and your blog about her, is; you both greatly inspired my decision to 'go barefoot' in November 2010.

A good friend of mine who is an Equine Body Worker has had her horse barefoot for years, and she was always going on at me about how great barefoot is. I always blew it off as a hippie-weirdo thing....because you know, show horses NEED shoes! But as I got more interested in the more 'natural' and homeopathic side of horse care, the barefoot thing began to pique my interest. It really made sense when I thought about the fact that horses have been on Earth for millions of years, running around just fine on their bare hooves.

So I ended up glued to my computer for weeks, doing hours and hours of research. I became obsessed with hooves and learning as much as I could about hoof mechanics and barefoot horses. For my old retired Dutch mare, Fanci, it was pretty much a no-brainer. She's now a pasture pet that goes on weekend trail rides, and had been suffering from soundness issues for a few years (LF DDFT and suspensory injuries), and after trying every shoeing trick and gadget under the sun I was ready to let her wear her feet the way that would be most comfortable to her. But for my little (7 at the time, now 8) Swedish/TB gelding, Aramé, it was a much tougher decision. I was really torn. We event in Area VI in southern California, and pretty much nobody has barefoot horses around here. I've never seen bare hooves at an event, even the littlest ponies are shod. Also, my coach is very old-school and I knew she would disapprove. I kept worrying about what other people would think, and if my horse would really be capable of eventing without shoes. I Googled 'barefoot + eventing + blog' one night hoping to find some first-hand experiences, and there it was: Eventing-A-Gogo! Right there was a horse who evented barefoot without any problem. My horse would be able to do it, too.

I just couldn't stop thinking about yanking those shoes off....so I did! My farrier was not too pleased with the idea, and frankly I wasn't too pleased with his work anyway, so I decided to begin working with a wonderful couple that do barefoot trimming in my area (www.wildheartshoofcare.com). I put Fanci in the turnout after her shoes came off, and I cried as I watched that mare trot away from me, sounder than she had been in three years. She'll never be in the show ring again, but she's happy as can be out on the trails---throwing in a naughty buck-and-bolt here and there and amazing people when I tell them she's 23.

Aramé's shoes came off and I was SO nervous! But I hopped on him and WOW! I had never felt such easy, floaty gaits from him before, and my 'clumsy' boy didn't trip once, he was suddenly so sure-footed. I knew there was no going back! I didn't even tell my coach...I do all the riding myself, I only take lessons from her, so I figured I'd just wait until she noticed to offer an explanation. Plus I'm a wimp and avoid confrontation at all costs. She didn't notice---or just didn't say anything---for about two months, and when she did it wasn't particularly pleasant. She basically told me I wouldn't be happy with it long-term and that the ground gets so hard and his feet will start hurting, blah blah blah. Well, we won our Novice division at the season opener at Galway a week later!! Take that naysayers!

We've totally been kicking ass this season. Both Aramé and I got our Gold Medals a few months ago, and we've also received a Blue Ribbon Award. I'm at the top of the Adult Novice Leaderboard for Area VI and near the top of the USEA Leaderboard. In July we traveled to Coconino in AZ for the COTH Western Adult Team Challenge, and our Novice team won, so we got featured in an article in the August 1st, 2011 issue of the Chronicle! And just last weekend we won the Area VI Novice Rider Championship (We scored a 21.5 in the dressage, it was SO amazing!).......and now fingers crossed for moving up to Training at Galway in November!!

I'm so lucky that both of my horses transitioned out of shoes so easily. Fanci is battling a little bit of white line separation, which is due to her having Cushings, but otherwise I just kick myself that I didn't take her barefoot sooner. I will always wonder if it would have kept her sound longer..... And Aramé's feet are just so easy, he's only had two real trims since the shoes came off because he self-maintains so well that I just touch up the roll myself to get rid of anything that is a bit snaggly. I love just sitting around and looking at and admiring their pretty little feets! And I've also become really into learning about feed and supplements since they are such a huge factor of hoof health, so now my horses are on a whole-food diet: no fortified feeds stuffed full of soy allowed! I've seen so much improvement in their hooves, hair, and attitudes that's its worth all the mixing and matching and fumbling around with six different grain tins, LOL.

Andrea, it is apparent from your blog that you are an awesome horsewoman, and therefore you must be simply an awesome person! I wish you all the best with your beautiful Gogo. I know all too well the heartbreak and emotional turmoil that comes along with these animals---not to mention LIFE in general---so I'm sending some seriously positive energy out there for you both! Hopefully our paths cross someday, because I would very much like to meet you in person!

Cheers,
Tylia"
(Photos by Captured Moments Photography)

Letters like this are one more reason I am so glad I started this blog. I feel like I've really influenced some lives just by giving a wholehearted account of my journey with Gogo. I started this blog as just as a way to keep track of what I was doing every day with my mare. It has become so much more than that. Thanks to all of you for sharing this journey with me, and for being there for us during this awful time. It really means a lot to me, and I don't have enough words to express it.

Snowballing

2011-10-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

"A good man once said, death smiles upon us all... all we can do is smile back."

News on the Gogo front isn't good. This entire ordeal is unfortunately mid-snowball, and I am completely helpless against whatever happens to her between now and the end of it all. I arrived at the barn on Friday afternoon after work, and was alarmed to find that the swelling around the medial branch of her suspensory on the right hind was disturbingly larger than it had been (and it had been disturbingly large before), and that there was a new and noticeable sink to her step whenever she weighted the leg. The entire suspensory apparatus is failing, but I didn't think it was all going to happen this fast. I thought we would have a quiet couple of weeks left to enjoy the weather and our last bit of time together, but we may not have the luxury of that little bit of time any longer. The fetlock certainly isn't on the ground or anything, this is just the beginnings of it... but the fact that it is already happening is alarming and upsetting. I'm not ready yet. I'll never be ready.

However, that being said, it makes me feel reassured in my decision. There is no other way that this can be. There is no second guessing when you can see changes happening right before your eyes. All the hesitation and uncertainly disappears when right in front of you is a horse in noticeable pain. I have a single-minded determination to make this last little bit of time as comfortable and happy as possible, and then to give her the much-deserved relief and peace that she needs. It's the only way it can be, and she needs me to have a clear head about it.

I put her back out with her little herd of friends after much deliberation, but I think it will make her happiest. In the alleyway drylot, she had a bad habit of randomly spinning and galloping, not to mention the fact that she was alone and away from her friends. She is very happy to have her herd back, but the barn owner says that she is no longer bullying and chasing them at mealtimes. To me that says that she is feeling very poorly... she never misses an opportunity to be the boss. I just pray that she doesn't do anything silly in this painful interim before we set a final date. If she breaks down out there we will never be able to get her back to the barn. I could stall her but I am dead set against that unless I feel like it is the only way to keep her from complete collapse until the vet arrives. We're not at that point yet where I feel like I will have to do it, and I hope we don't ever get to that point. I want her to be able to walk with dignity to her end after a beautiful and peaceful final day, whenever it may be.

Her coat is starting to get darker in preparation for growing a winter coat. She never starts to get fuzzy until around November... it's sad to think things like that she'll never grow a winter coat again, and that she won't be here for Christmas.

She looked tired today. I'm tired too. I'm thankful that my choice is clear, but it doesn't ease the pain.

The Final Decision.

2011-10-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."
- Lemony Snicket

The time to make the most difficult of choices has come.

Monday afternoon, I couldn't stand looking at Gogo's left hind any longer, and trailered her up to see Dr. H in the afternoon. We poked and prodded, we jogged her out, we flexed and palpated and shook our heads. We didn't even bother doing an ultrasound on the left... there is clearly some sort of compensatory issue going. She wasn't dead hopping lame on the right, but she was bilaterally lame.... equally as sore on both hinds, just pulling herself along with her front end. Honestly, with all that was going on behind, she didn't really look that great up front either for the first time in her life. She was absolutely crippled when we flexed her right hind. We did take a set of laterals on both hinds and an oblique on the right hind (radiographs), and while there was no obvious sign of pastern luxation (essentially the pastern dislocating and the bony column failing to align properly due to the breakdown of the entire suspensory apparatus), her sesamoids had rotated away from where they were supposed to be, essentially rolling downwards towards her pastern. Her suspensory and her sesamoidean ligaments are all fraying. (If you want further description of all the ligaments in that area and their workings, look at the second page.) Basically, her entire suspensory apparatus is failing.

My biggest fear at this point is that, given how rapidly everything has fallen apart over the past two months (and two weeks), she is headed for a catastrophic breakdown and I'll find her on three legs unable to move - or worse, down and unable to rise. One serious torque to this limb and everything will go. Considering the snowballing downward spiral she's in, and that I am unable to get her stabilized, it's probable that this scenario might become reality. There is no cure for this, and no fix. Nothing will ever take away her pain, and she'll always have some sort of moderate lameness no matter what we do. It is my personal belief that making an animal live in pain until they breakdown is wrong, and that it counts as poor quality of life.

It has finally all come down to this. I must make the choice no one ever wants to have to make. I have to let her go.

I'm having a very hard time processing this. On one hand, it makes sense, and I know it needs to be done. It gives me comfort to know that she's has a very happy ten months out in a field doing all kinds of happy horsey things, the way any horse would love to live: eating, playing with a herd, napping in the sunshine, lounging under a shady tree. She had a good retirement, and she deserved it.
But the other half of me can't process it. She's only 10 years old. Why couldn't I fix her? I did everything I could and more to help her. Why did nothing work? How could it come to this? She's so happy and beautiful... how could she really be moments away from disaster? Could I do more, could I save her, why did this happen, how could I have lost all three of my horses far too early and in such tragic ways? What did I do wrong, how could I have done this to them? They all deserved so much more than death at the end of it all. My poor sweet babies, where did I fail you? What did I do wrong to lose you all?

How could it have come to this?

I don't have a date yet, or a final plan. There is too much I have to think about that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I'm very good and unfortunately versed in handling this type of matter, but it's just different when it is your horse. I'm hopelessly attached to her and the looming possibility of life without her is incomprehensible.

This song came on the radio when I was driving home from the vet with Metro all those years ago on the day they told me I needed to euthanize him... and it still makes me bust up crying when I think about it today.

Forgive me, Gogo. I did everything I could for you. The only thing I have left to give you is my love... and peace.

Not so great.

2011-10-02T16:25:00.000-07:00

Gogo isn't really doing all that well right now. She's still getting around relatively well, and she is definitely losing weight, thank god... but she's been dead hopping lame for two months now with no improvement.

True, she did have one day where she was startlingly improved. The next day, however, she did not get Arnica or Banamine... and was absolutely dead lame the following day. I dosed her again with both Banamine and Arnica (although the two together is not really recommended for the homeopathy to actually work well.... I just couldn't not try to help her out, seeing how lame she was), and the following day she was very vaguely improved. Again though, who is to say what did it, the Arnica or the Banamine? She had it a full 12 hours beforehand (a 500lb dose) so I don't really know. The next step would be to give the Arnica without the Banamine... who knows though, at this point.

My biggest nagging concern at this point is the left hind. The ugly swelling on it will not. Go. Away. It has been there for almost two weeks now, and it is the same - ugly, lumpy, and with a distinct hot spot. The proximity it has to the old injury site is disturbingly close. It's nearly impossible to see if there is a lameness on this leg seeing as she is so crippled on the other leg, but if we blocked the right left we might see something show up on the left. I trotted her out on Friday and couldn't be sure, but thought that both hinds looked equally short going to the right. Going to the left, she looks the same as always.... dead hopping lame on the right.

I got my latest vet bill in finally (my vet's office takes forever to get the bills out!) and the write up was incredibly depressing, with words like "severe," "best to be a broodmare," "chronic and recurrent," and "painful."

It just feels like everything is slowly beginning to unravel. I predicted a systematic continual breakdown of the RH and then the LH... this might actually be happening. We won't know what is happening to the LH unless we run an ultrasound machine over it, but even then I can feel myself stalling. I don't want to face the music. I don't want this to be the end.

And maybe it isn't the end, who knows? But it just feels like I might finally be ready and prepared for it if this is what it comes down to.

Fall is beautiful in Texas now that it is finally here. The weather is gorgeous (low 80's with no clouds and a light breeze), and we've actually had one or two rainsqualls. Things are starting to turn green again, and flowers are popping up everywhere. The seasons are extremely hard for me to get used to, considering that I've always been a northern girl with a very set in stone idea of winter-spring-summer-fall, but I think I understand everything a little better now that I am here. Fall is a bit like spring here if you think about it - everyone stayed inside miserable and seasonally depressed all summer due to the extreme heat and drought, and fall is when they are starting to emerge and see green things and flowers and are able to enjoy the weather again. At least, that is my own direct experience... I imagine others feel much the same way about it.

Life, other than the horrible looming specter of uncertainty with Gogo, is good.

The Magic Bullet...... Maybe?

2011-09-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

This story comes with a prelude. Let me take you back to the days of Gogo's youth (not that she's old, but you know... when she was younger!), back to the first few trial rides I had on her when I was considering purchasing her. When I first found Gogo, she had just been started and was not great with things like steering and stopping. She was not exactly a pleasure to ride at the time. At the end of her second ride, her owner suggested I take her for a hack outside the arena to cool her down. I said sure, why not? What I didn't know was that she hadn't really been out of an arena before... and hadn't ever been by herself... and did I mention she had no idea who I was and couldn't really stop or steer? And that the area outside of the arena was a cornfield full of tall July corn and there was a stiff wind and four-wheelers screaming through paths in the cornfield? Maybe I shoulda thought that one through before I attempted it.... but Gogo was brilliant. Rattling corn, being alone, roaring four-wheelers, stranger on her back.... and she just sighed and walked along on the buckle, marching along in her confident way that I have always admired. That little hack sold her for me. I knew she was a real gem when we trailered her over to the vet's office for her prepurchase, and walked her underneath a giant rolling garage door and into a very vet-smelling lab area, complete with whirring machines and bizarre footing, and she never even batted an eye. She just looked around with a calm curiosity, as if this were a most interesting everyday occurrence. Despite her mare moments, she has ALWAYS had this amazing confidence and intelligence, and it has never ceased to impress or amaze me. She is absolutely one of a kind.

That prelude out of the way, I can now continue on with the real purpose of this entry! You'll see how it interconnects in a minute.

As per some reader suggestions, I switched up my homeopathy and decided to take a slightly different approach. On Monday, I started her on Arnica and Ruta together, and cut out the Rhus tox and the Calc fluor for now. I also had an Arnica topical rub (that has Ruta in it, interestingly enough) that I had picked up, and after her tubba I rubbed both hinds with it. She still has some residual fill on the inside of the left hind, but it has greatly diminished and is still just a superficial bonk as far as we can tell. (Thank sweet baby Jesus in Heaven for that.) On Tuesday, I woke up super early - much to Future Hubs' dismay, I think - and made it to the barn before work so I could load Gogo up and take her over to work. That's right, somebody got to go swimming yesterday!!

The AquaTread is the epitome of Really Sweet Rehab Equipment. I've blogged about our old treadmill before, and I will have to do a full post on the AquaTread as well. Our AquaTread is housed inside a barn built specifically for and around the treadmill, complete with four wall stalls facing the treadmill. Horses that are new to the AT usually come in the barn bug-eyed and snorting - the entire barn is full of LOUD gurgles, whirrings, and hummings from the jets and filters (of which there are many). Getting them into the chute and down the corridor into the water can sometimes be a bit hairy the first few times. We are always slow - if they have a bad experience, they will assuredly NOT get in next time - but we do use a butt rope or a waving whip if we have to. Horses get onto the ramp and snort, tremble, paw, poop, and generally fuss until they get into the water, either by sliding, leaping, or tip-toeing in (the last being the ONLY kind we want to encourage!). Once they figure out that they don't have to swim AND that they have to walk on the moving underwater treadmill at the bottom of the ramp, they figure things out. They are in water that is about chest-deep and they can either do a slow walk, a power walk, a slow jog, a normal trot, or a fast/extended trot depending on their size and gait. After a time or two, they figure it out, and all our horses that regularly swim all walk in, work out, and walk out off of the exit ramp without problem. It ALWAYS takes a bit of time to get a new horse in. ALWAYS. Let me repeat that one more time: ALWAYS.

When Gogo arrived on the farm, I put her up in a pen so she could hang out, and tossed her a bit of the hay I had brought for her. My boss came out shortly after I had fed everyone, and we took a peek at her. I told her about Gogo's extremely extreme lameness on the right hind, and then jogged Gogo out for her to see, first on a straight line and then on circles. When I was done, I brought her back over to my boss to see what she had to say about it.

"Well, I hate to say this," she said, shaking her head, "but... your mare's not really lame."

..................... wait. What?

I of course didn't believe her - no way, she's dead hopping lame, are you sure? She offered to jog her out for me so I could see for myself, and sure the heck enough, she was a WORLD better. I could still see it on the right hind just because I know this mare so well and know what she looks like fully sound, but I've not seen her looking that good in a very long time. She was a different horse.

I stared at her in disbelief. What had changed? And then it hit me - I had given her Arnica with her Ruta for the first time the day before. D'OH. Something actually worked. This is NOT to say it CURED something - but it took away quite a lot of her pain. The only other possibility (aside from some sort of majikal miracle) was that I had given her a 500lb dose of Banamine 15 hours before the jog out... but a low dose Banamine can hardly be attributed to a pain reduction of this significance when it was given that many hours before, especially when she was also getting doses of Banamine last week, and they did nothing to relieve her of her pain in the way that the Arnica seems to have. To say that I am shocked in the best kind of way is a gross underestimate. The other interesting thing about the Arnica topical rub? I have an AMAZINGLY HUGE disgusting black/blue/green/red multicolored bruise and a massive hematoma on my upper arm from where I got smooshed into a metal panel by a hungry horse at feed time last week, and the colors were just beginning to intensify. I was waiting until it got to the brightest array of colors before I took a picture of it to show everyone... it was one of those kinds of bruises that you want to remember forever. After applying the rub to Gogo's legs, I half-heatedly wiped the hand that I used to apply the rub with over my bruise. The next day, there was a dramatic reduction of the bruise, both in swelling and in color (and in pain). Aw man... I really wanted a picture of it and now it is almost gone!

When it came time for Gogo's AT experience, we loaded her up in the barn with two other experienced horses so that she could watch them get into the AT and work out. This works wonders for new horses - they see how other horses get in, how they work out, and how they get out, and they are able to see that the horses come out intact and in one piece and were not consumed by Nessie/alligators/piranhas/whatever else might be in a scary gurling body of water. Gogo walked into the pool barn without so much as even bothering to give the AT a glance, which I've never seen a new horse not do before. She watched the first horse go in with a look of semi-confusion and interest on her face, leaning forward on the crossties with a soft eye but an arched neck and pricked ears. The second horse to go in didn't even elicit a passing glance from her. When it was her time to go in, my boss came over to help in case we needed two people to get her in, but I wasn't worried.

Sure enough, Gogo walked up to the bubbling, gurgling water (which was dim enough so she couldn't see the bottom or what she was getting herself into), went "oh well that's interesting," and literally just walked herself right in. She carefully tip-toed down the ramp, playing with the water on the way in, and when she reached the treadmill, she walked on it like she had been doing it all her life. She didn't even take an uncertain step. "Wow," was all my boss could say for a moment. Apparently, in all her years of rehab work and owning a rehab facility where countless hundreds of horses have passed through, she has only seen 4 other horses walk in like that their first time. But I wasn't surprised. She is the same brilliant little mare that she was when she was 5. I knew she'd go in easy.

I will have to get more and better pictures next time, as well as video. Go mare!

We stuck to a regular walk workout for 15 minutes. From above, we could see how out of alignment her spine is - she could really stand for a chiropractic adjustment. I haven't had one done on her since I moved to Texas. When we were in Connecticut, Gogo was getting adjusted every three months, and I was getting adjusted every 3 days! I had stopped her chiro because the amazing Dr. A told me not to bother for the time being - just standing around crookedly would throw her right back out of alignment anyway, so I haven't bothered to pursue it until now. I think we are both suffering a bit from lack of chiropractor disease right now though. Or at least I know I am... my back and right hip are falling apart! I'm actually having another really bad flare-up of whatever was bothering me last year, but this time it is in my left hip (the one with the original kick injury 6 years ago), and it feels like there is some sort of ligament involvement - whenever I walk, there is a painful moment when the limb is being brought forward where it feels like there is a stabilizing ligament in the front of my hip socket that is on fire. I have no idea what it is, bur I've been limping around for three days now... dangit.

The best part? When Gogo got out of the pool, her legs were icy cold and TIGHT. Super tight! I've not seen them look that good since last year! Even her windpuffs were gone. ALL the swelling was completely gone. EVERYTHING. It did come back, of course, she certainly wasn't magically cured - but it was obviously incredibly helpful for the time that she was in there.

Maybe we found the magic bullet. Between weight loss, the homeopathy, and the AquaTread (within reason... I get an employee discount of course but it still gets expensive quick!), I might be able to bring her back to reasonable comfort. I am also considering some supplements. I've had her on SmartTendon before but had taken her off, so I might do that again or either look into an herbal supplement - anyone have suggestions?

Fingers crossed!

Leg Transplant

2011-09-24T07:11:00.001-07:00

That's what I've decided that I want for Christmas. I want bilateral leg transplants for Gogo's hind end.

Seriously though, I showed up at the barn yesterday after leaving Gogo's wraps off the night before, and what did I find? This:

The Ugly Stepsisters

Mare, COME ON. WHY. What's up with the mystery swelling on the left hind? Does that HAVE to be there? Can't we, you know, banish it to Siberia or something? Or somewhere else equally as unpleasant so it can't ever come back and haunt your hind legs ever again?

She still doesn't appear to be lame on it, but again, it's hard to say for sure what is going on. She is SO absolutely dead hobbling lame on the right hind that there is no way to tell what is going on with the left - if there is pain there, it is obviously less than what is on the right and she is using it as she must in order to stay mobile. She did take some terrible steps on it while turning on a tight circle, but only once. It was enough to be completely alarming. Hopefully it's just a whack on the leg or a bandage bow and not something serious and structural. At this point, who knows.

Apparently, however, she's been a complete nuisance and a hellion in her new little tiny turnout. There is enough length to the corridor for her to engage in her new favorite game: run to one end, spin and run back to the other end. The run and spin game is amusing to everyone but me. Those who witness her little gallop fits think that she must not be feeling too bad if she has the gall to be galloping around. As for me, I think that whether or not she thinks she can run around right now, her legs are going to explode if she continues to do so.
She has also decided that her double-new favorite game is to climb into the giant water trough with both front feet and splash all the water out. She absolutely LOVED to do this as a baby - I never got photographic evidence of it aside from the moment right before she climbed in once - but this one is a metal trough and her only source of water in this pen so it was unappreciated all around. They removed the tub and she now has 3 buckets instead of a trough. I take this to mean that she must be either a) really bored or b) feeling good and playful enough to have a little fun in there. She actually has honestly visibly lost a few pounds - the giant lumps of fat over her tailhead are melting back into her butt! Baby steps.... baby steps..... baby steps.

She looks a smidgeon less fat.... what do you think? She's still about 150-200lbs overweight.... we have a long way to go!

Now if only the LH would stop looking so ugly and just go away! She is the queen of mystery non-lameness-inducing swellings after all, as those of you who have followed for a long time might remember. She does it all the time - random hot lumps and bumps on her legs that just go away after a few days and never make her lame. Here's hoping that this is just another one of those. Either way, it was big enough to warrant me digging around in my trailer and breaking out the good ol TUBBA again!

MOM WHY YOU DO THIS!

Here's hoping it vanishes magically in the next few days. Next week, I'll try some revised homeopathy and continued coldhosing/icing. I wish she'd stop moving around so much though. I mean, it's great in one sense because she will actually lose weight (a critical key in this last-ditch attempt to get her comfortable), but on the other hand, she's going to hurt herself if she runs around like an idiot. Aside from stalling her, however, there's just not anything else I can do. There is no smaller turnout to put her in, unless we move. And I'll be hard pressed to find one smaller than this one either way.

In other news, if you're going to Greenwood drop me a line! I'll be there braiding and hopefully spectating inbetween if I have time! Also if you need braiding, I do a mean set of buttons, and I'll cut you a deal ;)

PS: I should never go horse window shopping because I find critters like this who call out to me:

I LOVE a tight and compact build like that! Holsteiner/TB and reasonably priced to boot (under $10k). 9 years old, sound and uphill with a big jump, living in the rocky wilds of Montana and is barefoot with nary a bad step out on the trail... dream come true. As if I have $10k sitting around anywhere..... yeah right!

In Which Gogo Dissaproves of her Jenny Craig

2011-09-22T18:08:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, Gogo was given a rather nasty shock. There she was, hanging around in her field and bullying her companions for their food, when suddenly her mom (AKA your truly) showed up at the gate. "Mooooom!" she yelled as she saw me. "Moooom I hope you brought some foooood!" Not only did I not bring her any food (much to her disgust and dismay), but after coldhosing both hinds and shoving some unpleasant homeopathic remedies into her mouth, she was horrified to find that she was being wrapped and dumped unceremoniously (in her eyes, anyway) into a small, narrow turnout inbetween fields. This turnout had NO food in it, and no friends to bully either. Gogo was distraught. "Moooom...... Mom you forgot the fooood again.... Mooooom?"
Two very measly flakes of hay later, Gogo was severely miffed. She decided the best course of action was to punish me for my misdeeds. The best way she could think of to do this was to gallop the length of her tiny new paddock repeatedly, doing rollbacks that would make a reiner proud at either end, and galloping off in the other direction again. (This is the report I was given later.... great. Apparently she did it for some time too.)

When I arrived yesterday afternoon, both her wraps were around her ankles. She looked at me with nonchalance, as if to say, "Well, you deserved it. You MADE me do it." I removed the wraps to find that the right hind actually looked vaguely better than it had the day before. The left hind, on the other hand, was quite puffy and blisteringly hot in the area of her old injury. You know, the one from 2009. Oh, that's just great.

If you look at the left hind, you'll notice the puffiness around her fetlock as well at the neon pink sock, which indicates inflammation:

I wrapped her again last night with tighter, thinner, better fitting wraps in the hope that this was merely a bandage bow and that it would go away in a few days - and that she wouldn't pull them down again. She does not appear to be lame at all on the LH but admittedly it is hard to compare when you are looking at the hobbling lameness on the RH - I am bollocks at seeing bilateral lameness, for all I can see hind end lamenesses. Today of course she had left the right hind bandage up but the left hind was down around her ankle again. Today, the swelling and localized heat were quite a lot more dramatic and worse. Coldhosing didn't help either hind leg... I've been doing it every day regardless.

Again though, she doesn't appear to be lame on the LH. My hope is that this is just a bandage bow from yanking that wrap down twice. If the swelling and heat doesn't go away within the next few days though, I will have to have it looked at. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that because you all remember what my Red Light Means No list says about a new injury.

I've been trying a few homepathic remedies this week, and either I'm doing something wrong or they're just not doing anything. (Not that I thought they would.... I just figured it was cheap and worth a shot.) Every single person I've talked to had given me a different recommendation for dosage, all the way from giving one dose of one thing once only to giving four doses an hour followed by a dose every hour for a few following hours... I have no idea what proper protocol is. As it stands, I winged it and am doing a dose a day for a week. I've seen zero change but I'm not sure what I expected to happen anyway. If anything, she is worse. I'm trying Rhus tox, Ruta, and Calc fluor.... anyone know of the actual proper dosage one is supposed to give? Homeopathy fail!

Oh Gogo. I know I am starving you and giving you weird crap and it must not be a lot of fun but will you please just stop being a silly mare so you can stop teetering on death's doorstep?

Photo Adventure Fridays.... Literally!

2011-09-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

Last Friday afternoon, I had a pre-planned surprise from JenJ take place at my barn. A friend of hers, Josh Baker of AzulOx Photography, came up from Austin to do a photo shoot of just the mare and I. I have a lot of competition photos and photos of just Gogo over the years, but I didn't have any good ones of just the two of us together looking nice. We decided that we would trailer over to a local park where there was actually *gasp* some grass and trees and that would provide a nice beautiful backdrop for us. The day dawned warm and sunny, just like every day has been for the past four and a half months. It hasn't rained in that long either, so I of course didn't give the weather a second thought as I walked out the door to work that morning. Obviously there would be good weather for the shoot, we're in the worst drought in Texas history, how could there be any other weather aside from hot and sunny?

Fast forward to 5pm later that day as I am finishing up at work: there are giant stormclouds brewing on the horizon. Great... The first day we've had rain in almost five months and it ends up happening on the ONE day that I needed to be outside looking nice? Fail! After clocking out, I sped off to the barn (which thankfully is 10 minutes away from work), and had just enough time to bring Gogo up from her back field before the sky absolutely opened. Josh showed up at about this time as well, and was spared a moment of dryness to get inside the barn before the deluge began. It POURED! Sideways rain, thunder, lightning, wind.... and there was no end in sight! Josh and I stood around after I had cleaned Gogo up and chatted for about an hour about whatever came to us. He's a funny guy and he thinks I belong in Austin.... I think he's right!

We had a momentary lapse in the rain and we decided to go for it. We had long since abandoned the idea of trailering out anywhere - why bother, when we knew we might not even get to shoot at all before sunset - and we rushed out to the back pasture where Gogo and her friends live and decided to make the best of the scenery. The rain was still drizzling (and sometimes pouring) on and off, so Josh took refuge in the horses' shed while I took outside and posed with the Mami.

And they came out GREAT!! I can't believe it given the weather and the dim light and the whole situation in general! I waited to post about it until all the photos were uploaded online so I can share... these are just a few of my absolute favorites. Enjoy!

Also, for those inquiring about the grass in my pasture.... this is proof that there is NO grass, just check out the muddy shoes! I think I will never get them clean again!

It was super fun and I can't thank Jen enough for this. So awesome!

I have more updates on life changes for Mami mare coming soon.... they include a diet, a move to a drylot, and a stab at homeopathy. Stay tuned ;)

The Master Plan

2011-09-18T09:33:00.000-07:00

Because my head won't stop spinning over the what-ifs of Gogo's situation, I decided last night that I needed to sit my butt down and write out a concrete set of guidelines for 'proceed or do not proceed' procedures. So, you know, proceed with the procedure-reading!

Green Light Means Go:
If she improves and continues to have improvements.
If she continues to get around well in her field and be able to do all the horsey things she deserves to be able to do: having a herd of friends, living out, stuffing her face, etc.

Yep... that is basically it. So long as she is ok and living what I perceive to be a comfortable and happy life, then we'll keep going.
The do-not-proceed list is longer and more detailed:

Red Light Means No:
If her condition worsens dramatically.
If her condition worsens and does not improve over a week (or longer, depending on severity - but not longer than a month).
If she stops getting around easily in the field.
If she loses interest in basic everyday things she enjoys - food, attention, etc.
If another new injury occurs.
If she is unable to be out doing the things she deserves to be able to do: having a herd of friends, living out, stuffing her face, etc.

Simple, I think. I feel better having it written down. I guess the basic gameplan is this: Try, but don't expect. The reality of it all is that the chances are VERY high that nothing is going to work. But she's still here and she's still pasture sound and able to beat her companions to a pulp, so I might as well stop sitting around in despair and do what I can to try.

A Few Things to Try:
Icing/cold hosing.... maybe pick up a cheap human-version of Game Ready on Ebay if I can find one
Some very basic homeopathy
Herbs/supplements... possibly
Castor oil packs w/Back on Track wraps
AquaTread/E-Stim/PEMF... possibly... it gets expensive fast and I'm not going to waste money on this!
Jenny Craig for Fatties.... drylotting and strict dieting
Acupuncture/chiropractic

Most of this now is all throwing poo at the wall to see what sticks. I'm certainly not going to do ALL of those things, and as for the more expensive things... they are only getting done if I come into a random chunk of money that I don't have anything better to spend it on. A lot of these things might just be dumb ol' hoodoo and nonsense, but nothing else has worked so far, so why not change it up a bit?

It's all just grasping at straws a bit, and I'm not going to keep trying unless she is comfortable and getting around well. If she stops being comfortable and mobile, we're done. But while she's doing decently, I want to at least give it a try. The only thing I have left to lose is her.

Everything has been on fire for 4 months...

... but on Friday the skies changed and we ACTUALLY HAD RAIN!

AND we had an adventure in the rain, all thanks to JenJ.... more on that later ;)

Photo Adventure Fridays

2011-09-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

This week's Photo Adventure....

Bryce Canyon, Utah, USA.
Easily one of the most fascinatingly beautiful places I've ever been. The crazy rock formations are called hoodoos and are created through the process of erosion - wind, water and time sculpting the land. We rode horses (and mules) through the canyon... I had the most delightful little red mare who had a super soft mouth, turned on a dime, and was seriously careful while walking along the edge of a cliff. Proof that sometimes trail riding guides don't give the "experienced" riders the crazy horses... sometimes they give them the nicest horses so that they don't get ruined!

Many Milestones.

2011-09-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

This is the 500th post for the Eventing-A-Gogo blog.
We have over 250,000 hits as of this week, and 365 official followers.
And exactly two years ago today, Gogo blew her legs out on XC at the 2009 AECs.

The first two things are super exciting and awesome! The last thing, not so much.
I am teetering on the edge of try or do not try. One minute I am hopeful, and the next I despair. I don't really know what to do.

The video of the original slide and injury in 2009:

Oh, Gogo.

9/11

2011-09-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

I am not a patriotic person. Most of the time if you catch me, I'll make a snide remark about the States and talk about how I'd move to New Zealand if I ever had the chance.

But not on this day. On this day, I am American down to my core. Much in the way that Rhett Butler was called to war in the eleventh hour by his own Southern blood, I can't help but feel the pull towards my country on this day and be glad and proud of what I have as well as mourn those we have lost. Memorial Day, Veterans Day... none of those holidays mean anything to me at all. But 9/11 is a day that is burned into my head for a lifetime, and I will never forget. I don't care about the conspiracy theories, the supposed 'truth' movement, or any of that crap. I care about the unified horror we felt as a nation on that day, and how the country came together as one.

It was at the end of second period at Cranbrook, my high school, during my Junior year. I was carelessly ambling with some of my friends towards the bus to transport me from the Cranbrook campus to the Kingswood campus for painting class (yes, my high school had campuses...). One of my friends came trotting up to the group of us and said, "A plane just hit one of the World Trade Center towers in New York!" We laughed - what kind of an idiot was so dumb that they miscalculated their flight path and hit a tower? - and I had an image in my head of a tiny biplane bumping into a building. Still laughing, we boarded the bus and headed off to class.
My easel stood in the far corner of the painting studio next to the old, metal-wrought windows. That day we were working on a still life - a chair and table with flowers set up on desks in the middle of the painting studio, our easels encircling the setup. The door to the classroom - right in the middle of the main wall, at the end of a long hallway - was open, and just as class was beginning, one of the other teachers came it. It was Mama J - Mrs. Jackson, whom we would lovingly sing the then very popular Outkast song to when we'd forget our homework (I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, oooo! I am for real!) - and she wore a grave, harried look on her face. She announced to us that there had been a terrorist attack on the United States, and two planes had struck both the World Trade Center towers in New York City. We stood and stared at her in shock.
The next few hours were a confusing blur. I passed by the library and saw through the glass doors a few images on the TV that was playing - namely the second tower collapsing. We heard reports of a plane hitting the Pentagon, of another plane going down in Pennsylvania. Planes all over the country were being grounded - we had no idea how big the attack was going to be, how many planes were involved, or what other structures would be targets. My father was on a plane that day, and my mother worked in one of the tallest buildings in Detroit. If they were targeting large, important buildings in major cities, hers was a sure target. And where was my father? Flying on a doomed plane somewhere, soon to die? I couldn't get ahold of either one of them for a long while, and I was terrified. Later I found out that both my parents were safe - my father had actually been the next plane on the runway scheduled to takeoff, but right before they did, the pilot informed everyone that there had been a terrorist attack and that all planes were now grounded. It was a terrifying few hours.
I didn't have my license or a car yet at that point in my life, so a friend of mine drove me home - the school let us our early as there was no way we could possibly go on with our studies. I remember lying on my side on the living room floor, staring up at the television replaying video of the planes striking the towers over and over... and videos of people freefalling to their deaths, over and over. Something in me broke that day, and I had an emotional meltdown. That event sent me spiraling into depression, and I spent the next few years in a self-mutilating, suicidal vortex. Planes were rerouted on their flight paths into and out of Detroit Metro airport in the following weeks and months after the attack, and they came right over our school. I cringed and looked up in horror every time one flew over for months. Seeing videos of the timeline of events that happened, or videos of the people falling out of the towers, still to this day makes me cry.

In the immediate aftermath following the attacks, one thing stuck out at me as the most memorable: there were American flags everywhere. Every car an American flag sticker on it, every house had a flag flying. Every street corner, every lamppost... everywhere one could be hung, there was a flag. The entire nation rallied together strong and powerful in mourning, and we refused to be broken. We stood up together, and helped our neighbors and strangers alike. We were strong, we were unified, we were proud and we were free. And nothing could take that away from us.

The way the country had changed in the past 10 years is sad and grim. The economy is struggling, war has been raging for a decade, and racism and hatred are as strong as they ever were. But I choose to look beyond that. I choose to remember and honor those who were killed, and those who survived and had to begin again. I choose to reflect upon this day and think of ways I can help my fellow Americans, and other citizens of the world as well. And because I live in this country, I have the freedom and the right to choose. And for that, I am forever grateful.

9/11/01. Never forget.

Lunatic Fringe

2011-09-10T13:16:00.000-07:00

Working at an equine rehab facility, I see lots of serious cases of lameness coming and going every day. Some of these are far worse off than Gogo, and some of them get better with the therapies that we do. There has been some talk about seeing what we can do for Gogo in terms of therapies and whatnot. Whenever we talk about it, I think, "yes! Wouldn't it be amazing if this or that helped her and we could make an amazing against-all-odds comeback!" I get thinking more and more about hope, and less and less about the fact that the vet deemed her to be permanently unrideable and that we are still considering euthanasia as a possibility. In other words, I may be living on the lunatic fringe, and I'm not sure if it should be considered healthy and positive, or dangerously emotional.

Truthfully, it is hard to justify trying to do more financially for this mare. I've dumped god knows how much money into this rehab, and not a cent of it has paid out. Why should anything be different now?

I have no plans to spend tons of money at this point on trying anything. It would just be silly to do so, especially when I have plenty of other expenses to worry about and I'm more broke now than I ever have been. I had been so ready and resigned to letting her go.... now I'm considering giving it one last try. Maybe I'm nuts.... but I have nothing more to lose except for her.

The AECs are currently underway in Chattahoochee Hills, GA, and I am just as unhappy about not being there this year as I was last year. I have a number of friends riding and am cheering them on from the sidelines, much like I did last year. I was all bummed out thinking about it last night when I made the mistake of going and looking at the coursewalks and photo/video coverage online, but thankfully I had Future Hubs there to snap me out of it. He's such a good down to earth kind of guy... I don't know where my head would be without him. I can't believe that in two days it will be two years since Gogo's original injury.... I can't even get my head around that. I've been a little all over the place as of late, but things in general are turning around for me. I'm back to working steadily for the first time in two months, I will be making relatively fair money between the rehab center and my growing little string of clients, and in general I'm getting along better than I have for quite some time now. It's just a matter of getting back on my feet again, as usual. As for the moment, I am still flat on my face, but at least I feel like I might be able to stand up soon.

Greenwood Horse Trials are at the end of this month. I haven't been to a horse trial as a spectator in over a year now. I think I'll go. Yes... that will be good for me, I think.

This face isn't ready to give up yet...

I don't think I am either.

There is still no easy answer.

2011-09-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

I've been a busy girl as of late. Between my trip to Austin, trimming horses, and starting a new job at an equine rehab facility (which is awesome.... pictured right is the Aqua Tread), I've not had a lot of time to get out and watch Gogo really move since her vet appointment. I've seen her walk around a bit (or maybe at this point the correct term would be waddle), but aside from that, I hadn't had a good chance to review her soundness and whether or not she had improved since her cortisone injection in the tendon sheath on the RH. Conveniently, her barn is only about 10 minutes away from the new job... how about that. I had no idea it was so close until I actually drove there after work yesterday.... one less thing to worry about.

Being away in Austin and refusing to think about the whole mess did me no favors in the end in terms of coping and coming to terms with possible and unthinkable things. I pushed the whole idea of finality out of my head during the trip and refused to think about it, even for a moment. In doing so, I allowed myself to create the delusion that life is continuing on as it always has, and that Gogo is really fine and that I must have been overreacting to her severe lameness. I can't imagine life without her, so that's exactly what I've been refusing to try to comprehend.

The original area of filling (the excess in the tendon sheath) has dramatically improved post-injection, just the same as it had last time. The area below it, however - the area of new damage - has not changed. It still looks as terrible as ever.

On the lunge, well... there is some improvement going right, but going left, she is as hip-hiking lame as ever.

Reality check. This did not magically improve while I was away blissfully ignoring matters as hand. This is still a serious problem.

Yet, she is still as cheerful as ever. I am struggling with the morality of the issue at hand - it isn't right to euth a horse who is still in great spirits and getting around okay, but it also isn't right to make a horse wait until they are on three legs and unable to get around before you make that decision for them. Given her current level of mobility and her happiness, it is absolutely NOT time to consider euthanasia yet. I am surrounded constantly by far lamer horses than her who are still alive and getting around okay as well. Still, just because we can keep them going doesn't necessarily mean we should keep them going.

Playing God is impossibly hard to do in these situations. You can eke a little life out of something that normally would have already died, or you can end a life by choice whenever you decide the time is right. They don't ask to die unless they are already dying. They, like all other living beings on the planet, are just trying to survive as best they can.

I've been told that it is to my detriment that I don't believe in organized religion or Men In The Sky or the healing power of prayer. I am every bit a right-brained thinker, but I also wholeheartedly believe in biology and science, and I know a tendon/ligament problem is just not going to magically heal itself to good-as-new. Right now, however, I wish I could buy into the idea of hoping for a small miracle. My hope always spikes and then deflates. I've never had lasting good luck in my life... I can't imagine it would bother to start now.

On a Brighter Note

2011-09-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

On a much lighter and brighter note than the few previous posts have been on... anyone remember the scraggly little hairball that I pulled out of a ditch in a rainstorm in January? She was on her last legs when I found her... I don't think she would have survived the night had I not found her. She had a festering wound on her tail and was skin and bones. There was no way I could have left her there in the freezing rain. I took her home, had her doctored up, and named her Mimi.

Fast forward to August....

Doesn't even remotely look like the same cat does it? She even changed colors! She is fat and sleek, and her hair feels like silk. She always climbs in bed with me when I sleep, and had the most adorable nearly-silent little mew when she wants food (which is always).

It feels so good to save a life!

Picture of the Day

2011-09-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

Today's Picture of the Day...

Mami when she was 5 years old, just a lil babelet... she was such an evil little thing. She was SO BAD!

I think I've reached the Total Denial stage ever since I went off to Austin. I was accepting and ok with everything right up until I left, but then made a very conscious effort to put it all out of my head while I was on my mini-vacation, and now I am having a hard time thinking about it again. She was so beautiful and lovely this morning... it doesn't seem possible that she might not be around for much longer. I guess I won't know anything until I know... you know?

Grateful

2011-09-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

I am overwhelmed by the response I got to my last post. E-mails, calls, texts, comments, and other blogposts came rolling in, all expressing grief and support for me and what I am unfortunately facing in the near future. I discussed my thoughts and views with my vet, and he is on board with me and my decision. Both of us believe that the life she is facing isn't going to be of any sort of fair quality, and that when she becomes more uncomfortable, it will be time to let her go - before she gets too bad. Our guess is that this will probably happen within the next month or two, considering how quickly she went downhill over the past month. She had cortisone injected into her tendon sheath again which helped to take away some of the fill in the sheath itself, but this won't affect the damage to the distal sesamoidean ligaments below it. There's nothing we can really do at this point except keep her comfortable and let her just be a horse. She loves and rules her herd of six with an iron fist but they adore her. That's where she wants and deserves to be.

We don't have a set date yet - we'll let her tell us - so for right now you guys are just going to get mega-spammed with as many pictures of her as I can possibly take. Right now I am just happy for any moment I have with her. I'm going to make sure she feels like the royalty that she is every second of every day.

In the future, I know I'll be looking for another horse. That's a given - I just can't live without them. But I think I'll make a brand new blog for that and leave this one intact and as-is as a tribute to her. Going back over old posts and remembering old stories is helping me through this, and being able to relive the memories like this is something I'll always be thankful for. I'm so glad I took the time to write this journey down, and so glad you all took part in it with me.

I've been away in Austin for a few days just trying to get my head on right and getting ready to face the future without her. I had an awesome lunch today with JenJ which was great. I've missed Gogo so much though while I've been gone and can't wait to get back to the barn. My poor sweet baby.

Vet Appointment and Some Bad News.

2011-08-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

As you guys know, Gogo's lameness has continued to dramatically escalate over the past week or so. After seeing just how bad it was on Sunday, I had to step in and do something. We trailered out for an 11:00AM appointment yesterday with Dr. H, who is our regular vet and also 'the leg man' in this area - the authority on sports injury in the distal limb. I knew he'd give me a good dose of reality, if I needed it.

And I did. Remember about two weeks ago when I wrote this?:

"Gogo is, once again, pretty unsound. Not consistently, not horribly, but it's there. Going to the right on the lunge, she looks completely normal and fine... you wouldn't even know there was a problem unless you were truly looking for something, and hard. Going to the left, she has a consistent hitch in her right hind. I am grateful that whatever is going on still appears to be with the SDFT, and that this presentation of lameness has been positively associated with SDFT damage in the past, because this is a classic suspensory presentation. If she had a new suspensory injury on top of everything, I think I'd die. Thankfully, as far as I can tell it's just the same old thing, forever."

I was in denial. Remember all the recent swelling around the branches of her suspensory and underneath her fetlock? I thought it was related to the SDFT/annular ligament/tendon sheath. Denial.

We pulled her out of the trailer and Dr. H looked curiously at the fill below her fetlock. Watching her walk, I thought I could detect the beginnings of discomfort at the walk - which she's never had before. We watched her jog out. She was dead lame. We flexed the fetlock (with some difficulty, as the limb was so filled with fluid and swelling that it is becoming hard to bend). She hopped off, hardly able to even put the leg down. The leg continued to bother her even after the jog out once it had been flexed - she hard trouble turning and walking, and spent a lot of time resting it.

I've never seen her that lame before. Not even during her first injuries in 2009. She was easily a 4/5 lame.

When we ultrasounded, the old scar tissue and general mess in the SDFT and then tendon sheath was still there. Disorganized and ugly, yes, but still the same as they were. There was no new damage to those structures. I cringed, worried about what we were going to find as the real culprit for the acute lameness and swelling. And sure enough, there is was - where the suspensory makes an insertion on the long pastern bone under the fetlock, there was significant damage and degeneration.

A brand new injury, two years into this never ending rehab, and it's a severe one at that. Game over. There is no solution, therapy, rehab protocol, medicine, or anything short for a magic wand that can fix this. There is no cure at this point. The leg is experiencing systematic breakdown. It doesn't matter what we do, how much money we spend, or how much time we give it - there is no turning around after this.

She is never going to be rideable again. No, not even as a trail horse. (I asked.) Best case scenario is that the limb manages to stabilize itself through more scar tissue and thickening, and she manages to get around until something else breaks down. The vet said to breed her, but that "it will shorten her serviceable life." The suspensory will degenerate and sink like this in the healing process either way, regardless of what we do. I am NOT going to breed her as this would be irresponsible of me.

The vet's advice was this: "If you had a huge pile of money and this lame horse, at the end of a year you would have no money and this exact same lame horse." Even if I had a million dollars to pour into this horse, it would do me no good.

Best case scenario is that she manages to build up enough scar tissue to get around in a field for awhile and somehow not end up with another injury. Having watched her fall apart over the past two years - and having seen injury after injury take place even when just doing things like walking around in her field - it is nearly certain that she will reinjure again somewhere, or injure something new again, like she has just done. With all this damage to the right hind, how long until the left hind gives out? It had an injury too when this first happened, and it has areas of scar tissue as well. If the right hind continues to systematically fail, eventually the left hind will too.

It is my personal belief that it is cruel to make a horse limp around in a field until her legs give out. I don't believe that it is right or fair to make this mare stumble painfully around in a field for the next however many years (if she even makes it that long before complete breakdown) until I decide to let her go. I don't believe that that is quality of life. It is better to let one go while they are still somewhat mobile and happy instead of waiting until they are suffering and crippled when you know that that is the direction they are heading in. If there was hope for her comfort and happiness, I'd let her be a pasture puff. Maybe without this new injury, there would have been. But now the hope is so slim that it's not fair to make her hang around in limbo to wait and see if there's a chance for her comfort. It isn't right and it isn't ethical. It's cruel and I won't do that to her.

I haven't made a final decision yet as to what I am going to do. Right now, I don't need to hear stories about what other people would do if Gogo were their horse, or what their experiences were in the past with their own horses, or to not give up hope. None of those things will help me right now. Ultimately, this is my decision. I am the one who has spent every possible waking moment with this mare for the past five years, and I am the one who has watched the ups and downs of her life in person. I am the one who had made all the choices in her life, for better or for worse. It is now my responsibility and duty to make the best choice for her. I owe her so much, and she deserves her dignity. She has given very last inch of her heart for me, and I have tried my best to give everything I can to her in return. And if I cannot give her health and happiness... if there is no hope for a comfortable and mobile life for her.... then I will give her peace.

Please respect whatever ultimate decision I choose and my thought process behind all of this. We all deal with death and mortality issues differently, and we all would do different things in the same situations. This is a very tough time for me; I am sure you all know how attached and utterly devoted I am to her. I love her more than anything and I can't imagine life without her.

No progress.

2011-08-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

Worsening as of today.

If you still can't see a lameness, then use this video to learn what it looks like in the hind end. You can also see at the end where she struggles to turn around.

I'm about 50-50 on the fence about this. 50% of me says I should make some radical changes and try new options and give it one last go, and the other 50% of me says it's not worth it to anyone or fair to try. Either way I'm going to have to make a decision soon as to what I want to do. I'm running out of time.

EDITED TO ADD: My plan is essentially this....
Immediate short term: Stall her, bute, handwalk, coldhose and wrap (all things I promised her I'd never force her to go through again) until I can stabilize this
Long term: Move her to a different facility with a flat dry lot and solo turnout where she can be strictly dieted and coldhosed/wrapped until this stabilizes. Then hopefully get her to lose some weight, try some herbs/homeopathy/e-stim/whatever.
Basically the same thing all over again, forever. Something needs to change RIGHT NOW or she will blow the limb completely. She gets worse every day out in that field and I need to intervene.

Basically... is it more ethical to let her be happy and limping on a worsening limb letting her be a horse, or be miserable and confined and alone for the sake of her leg... with a pretty grim prognosis either way?

Or, I could euthanize.

The Big Picture

2011-08-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Future Hubs has spent more than one evening consoling me lately when I get myself wound up about looking at the whole Big Picture of life instead of little bite-size day-by-day pieces, the likes of which are easier to swallow and deal with in general. He tells me I have a tendency (and he's right) to let myself get overwhelmed by huge, long-term things that seem too big to tackle, instead of just breaking things up into sizable and doable pieces. I had been very good up until now about just letting Gogo's rehab situation cruise along at a day-by-day speed, keeping my thoughts positive and forward-thinking. But last night, as I watched my horse and her ever-worsening lameness hobble around in the roundpen, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed.

She was terrible last night. Ever since the potential reinjury earlier in the month, her RH has just looked terrible. I've done what I can for it while she is in turnout, but it's not enough. The last few times I've seen her, her lameness has been worsening, and last night she was hip-hiking, toe-dragging lame on the RH. I would give it a 2.5-3/5 on the lameness scale. It was bad.

She's not resting it any more than usual, and she's still resting the other hind normally and also standing four-square when the mood strikes. She is also still sound at the walk, like she has always been. She seems happy. She still struggles with pivoting around on her hind end.... she plants both hind legs and shuffles awkwardly around, which is a relatively new thing (past several months or so). Last night was also the first time I saw her struggle when I asked her to move backwards - she hopped painfully back, avoiding putting too much weigh on the RH.

Little increasingly bad signs that just keep adding up.

Looking at the entire big picture, we are now 2 whole years out from the original injury, and she is NO better. (It will be 2 years on September 12th). If anything, she is now worse off than ever because there is such a mess of scar tissue, adhesions, and other structural involvement in the area where where was simply a tendon sheath issue after the first injury. A reinjury, a second reinjury, and now a THIRD reinjury... this past time while doing nothing at all. She reinjured just being out in her field.

It is not ethical to make a mare like this go back and stand miserably in a stall for another period of who-knows-how-long for for a chronic, perpetual injury like this one. It's not fair to sacrifice her quality of life at this point. Qualify of life is about all she has right now.
It is also not ethical to consider euthanasia for a horse who is still walking around fine and happy in her field. Again, quality of life is what we're basing everything around right now. When she stops being comfortable and happy is when she will make that decision for me, if it ever comes down to that.

I can't not look at the entire picture and go hmm, she is now just as lame as she was two years ago during the original injury, only now there is chronic and proably permanent damage in the leg... which leaves her worse off than ever before. And it's only getting worse. Right now, there are no steps forward.... only steps back.

I hate to say it, but I also have to think of it in an economical way as well. I have poured so much time, money, and emotion into this injury, and not a single thing we've done has had long lasting healing effects. I could keep pouring money into fancier and more extreme treatments, but to what purpose and with what guarantee?

Stall rest, controlled exercise, and daily sedation were all things I was willing to do for her legs at the temporary expensive of her mental stability when this injury was fresh and her chances for recovery were very good. It's a different story now.

WHAT is the right thing to do? I don't know anymore.

There are lots of small options and things I could potentially change - moving her to a new facility where she can be in a smaller drylot with a stricter diet, E-Stim, Aquatread, homeopathy, castor oil wraps, essential oils, etc. - but again, are any of these things going to help? I'm willing to give them a reasonable try, or at least some of them, but at this point I'm just grasping at straws.

She's happy, and she's still getting around well enough. So long as she shows me she's willing to keep moseying, I'll keep trying. But you better believe I will do the right thing if she ever tells me that she's done trying and she's had enough.

Whittling It Down

2011-08-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

Starting the process of looking for a second horse is a daunting task for me. This is quadrupled in difficulty by the fact that I am absolutely NOT ready to purchase/lease/be given/etc a horse at this point. I'm still having trouble paying for what I have in the first place. Obtaining a second horse is a prospect that is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the distance. Like, within the next year - hopefully. It all depends on how the business does, how my finances are, and most importantly, how Gogo is doing. If she makes a majikal turnaround, then great! Who needs another horse when I have her to ride! But she also may very well have completely tanked and been either permanently retired or put into a hole by this time next year, so I have to keep that in mind too. It's really depressing to think about, but I have to keep an open mind as to whatever is best for her. For now, it's day by day, and she's getting around just fine for the moment. We'll just have to see.

But I digress. I think that my first step is to analyze and consider the following question: What do I REALLY want in a second horse? What are my absolute requirements, things I MUST have? What can I live with, what can't I live without?

Basically, it boils down to this: I want a Prelim+ prospect who has three solidly nice gaits and a strong gallop, a fantastic jump, a brave and intelligent mind, and an absolutely immaculate vet check. Basically, this is exactly the same set of requirements I had for when I set out to find Gogo. I'm looking for something to fill the role that she had as my event horse, because she was (and is) perfect for me in every way.

This is why I have spent so much time debating on whether or not I want to breed her. I desperately wish I had her carbon copy as my next event horse. Breeding is a risk and you never know what you're going to get - that thing might come out crooked, ugly and lame - but I have obviously spent a lot of time painfully going back and forth about it. My mind is still not made up. Regardless of if I ever do make that decision, that baby won't be ready to ride for many years, and I have to be honest with myself: I don't want to wait that long before I am galloping on XC again!

So how to find a Prelim+ prospect who has three solidly nice gaits and a strong gallop, a fantastic jump, a brave and intelligent mind, and an absolutely immaculate vet check.... on a tight budget? Well, I'm going to have to make some compromises more than likely. It might be something with some mental baggage. It might be something with a training issue. It might be something not yet under saddle. It might be a weird breed, it might be a bit small. It might be marketed as something else completely, but it just has the raw potential to become what I want it to be. I don't know yet.

There is no reason I won't be able to find something nice out there for a decent price though. The market is terrible these days, and nothing is selling. Especially in Texas this year (too bad I'm not buying now!), breeders are liquidating their NICE stock because their horses have nothing to eat - all the grass and hay is just gone with this drought. Here is proof that there are nice horses for low prices that are close to me! (A bit on the small side, but she is nice looking, SUPER close, and a pretty mover. It can be found!)

Any breed and any gender may apply for the position... so long as they have potential!

Why I mentioned a mustang earlier: I figure in terms of finding a diamond in the rough, it's hard to go wrong here. You can pick up a damn nice horse with $125 if you have a good eye for one. I also figure that if two horses can survive out in Great Basin long enough to procreate, and if that baby can live long enough to make it to adulthood and not get killed and/or crippled in the meanwhile and during its roundup process, then I probably have a pretty good chance that nature (through breeding and through environment) probably gave it a decent and hardy set of legs and a good brain. The mutt factor also can't hurt - carefully bred warmbloods seem to have legs made of glass, but the most grade of backyard mutts never seem to break down do they? There is something to be said about it.... look at all the tough, hardy mixed breed dogs out there versus carefully bred dog breeds with endless medical problems. There very well could be something to it!

But you have to have a good eye for not only build and soundness when checking out a bunch of wild horses in a pen, but for temperament too. A lot of mustangs are said to be easy and quick to train despite their wildness - not all of them, but many. They survived out in the wild after all... they have to have a few brain cells to make it. I personally am pretty good at picking out a good strong soul in a group of horses.... hell, I've had Gogo for years, I know a confident personality when I see one! You also have to not find a shrimp if you can help it - some mustangs can get into the 16hh+ size but most are ponies. I think my legs are a BIT long for that!

Plus, what kind of a RIDICULOUSLY FUN project would that be?? Not to mention the bond you'd have with that horse. I really like the idea, if logistics ever worked out. You obviously won't have any idea if the horse is capable of doing until you get to working with it, but if you pick one with good conformation and a good brain, you stand a pretty darn good chance.

You can find some NICE horses amongst the herd if you look for them. Take this guy Reno for example - his first time ever free jumping. If I didn't know he was a mustang, I'd say he was a well-bred warmblood.

And who can forget about Padre, the mustang who won the 4 Year and Older In-Hand Stallion class at Dressage at Devon last year, beating out a bunch of NICELY bred warmblood stallions?

It's an idea I certainly want to keep in my head. Of course, there could very well be some diamonds in the rough around here too, so I can't close my eyes to anything!

And....... this isn't going to happen until next year anyway. But it can't hurt to start dreaming now.

Pup Portraits: Chaos for Cookies

2011-08-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

As some of you guys know, I have a complete menagerie of pets aside from Gogo. I am a sucker for a critter in need, which is how I ended up with a Greyhound (rescued from the track), a Doberman/Rottweiler (on a chain in somebody's backyard), and a Corgi (running loose on the highway with no owner to be found). They are ridiculously amusing and all wonderful companions. They also all have a set of tricks that I've taught them, as follows:

Ti (Greyhound): Lay down, sit, sit pretty, up, dance, turn around, shake (standing and sitting, with both paws), crawl, bow
Tonka (Dobe/Rott): Sit, shake (both paws), lay down, play dead, turn around
Twiggy (Corgi): Sit, shake, dance, speak, roll over

I should teach them more tricks, I like teaching dogs useless and funny tricks.

Anyway, here's a video of the three of them going completely nuts over cookie time and (sort of) doing some of their tricks. Mostly it's just them crashing into each other and trying to steal everybody else's cookies. Oh I love them so.

Comparison Videos

2011-08-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be interesting to post a comparison video from last month and this month in terms of lameness. Last month, I thought she looked pretty good, but could still see a very mild lameness and others could too. This month, I can see an obvious lameness but not everyone else sees it. Tell me what you think after watching these back to back:

Gogo 7/11/11:

And Gogo 8/21/11:

I see a worse lameness now, which corresponds to the ugly fat leg. (It was ugly and fat before, but quite a lot worse now.) What do you see?

Another Really Bad Lameness Eval Video

2011-08-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

It's pretty much impossible to get a distractable mare to pay attention on the lunge when you are completely ignoring her in favor of handling a iPod recording a video. Sorry about the totally AWFUL quality. Hard to see anything with her head in the area paying attention to absolutely everything except me. She is, and always has been, a giraffe on the lunge - which is why I never, EVER as a rule used to lunge her without equipment on. Talk about unproductive. Also, potentially harmful. Remember Crazy Trainer who lunged Gogo into the ground on a 12m circle for an HOUR a day in ONE direction (to the right) on uneven ground? Six days a week... for SIX MONTHS? Yep... that'll mess a young mare for life. And I wonder why the right continues to be a problem. We wonder sometimes why they break down... if they're just too weak to hold up and have some sort of genetic anomaly. In reality, WE are usually the cause for it - they'd be fine and sturdy and hardy if WE didn't mess them up so badly. The poorly conformed ones break down easily, and the tough ones still have issues if we trash them when they are young and growing. I still, to this day, blame myself for Gogo's accident. And I always will. I blame myself for her re-injuries too. I cantered her on a circle when she wasn't ready the first time. And I rode her out on the beach when she wasn't ready the second. Regardless of whether or not I thought she was ready, she wasn't. And I'm now facing a chronic injury that might result in a permanent lameness because of it.

Anyway, I digress. Here's today's footage:

It's about the same as it was the other day - noticeably lame to the left, and pretty darn good for the most part to the right.

Poor Gogo. I still don't think she injured herself because she's genetically weak, and I don't think she re-injured because of that either. I still think the blame resides with me. It would be irresponsible of me to do what so many horse owners do and blame the horse for not being able to hold up to their workload. In some cases, like with a badly conformed horse, why would a rider put them through something they won't be able to hold up to anyway? And in a well-conformed horse, that in theory SHOULD be able to hold up well under pressure, it's even sadder - how did you manage to break that thing? It's not like he chose to be lame on purpose.

Unless it's in an unrelated pasture/barn/trailer/whatever accident, the blame rests with the rider/trainer/barn manager when a horse goes lame. Disagree with me if you will, but 9 times out of 10, I fully believe that it is the human's fault in one way or another, be it through improper management, improper riding, pushing a horse too much or beyond his limit, or the like. I don't believe that "some horses just break down and that's how they are." All that does is ensure that whoever caused the problem in the first place feels better about themselves and moves the blame to the animal in question, as though it was the horse's own fault that he went lame. There is ALWAYS a reason, whether it an acute injury or repetitive damage.

Even those of us to struggle every day to do the best we can by our athletes don't always get it right.

Book Review: The Head and Not The Heart

2011-08-20T12:19:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, Natalie Keller Reinert over at Retired Racehorse asked if I could read her debut novella, The Head and Not The Heart, and give a review here on the blog. I always enjoy Natalie's blog and writing style, and so I naturally agreed.

The novella asks a question that most, if not all, equestrians have asked themselves at one point or another - could I ever live this life without horses? What hard-working horsewoman (or man) has not stumbled into the barn before the sunrise at least once and wondered, how does it feel to be still sleeping right now? How many horse people have slaved day in and day out for their animals and not sat down and asked themselves at some point, why do I put myself through so much exhaustion and heartbreak? In The Head and Not The Heart, our main character Alex goes through the same thought process we are all so familiar with when she and her lover-slash-boss Alexander experience not one but two terrible losses in their stable. Alex feels the sting of grief and despair, feeling empty and distant from her lover, her farm and the horses in her care. On a business trip to the Aqueduct track in New York City, Alex branches out, explores externally and internally, and asks herself, "Do I want a life without horses? And even if I did, could I live a life without horses?"

The novella is great. I personally felt that the first chapter felt different from the rest of the book - like the engine was being warmed and there wasn't as much flow - but once the second chapter began, everything flowed smoothly and I was pulled right in. The story is richly detailed, and it is clear the author is well-versed in all areas of the subject matter, from the leg movement of a potentially injured horse to the atmosphere of a Florida horse town to the interior of the Aqueduct barns. She knows these settings and she doesn't miss a detail. You can almost taste the grime of a side street in Brooklyn, and you can exactly picture what the old Claremont Riding Academy looked like even if you had no idea of what it once was. The author maintains her recurring theme of thinking with the head and not the heart - or vise versa - in the horse industry and in life throughout the duration of the book, a little ribbon of thought strongly sewing the entire story together. My favorite part of the story was the fact that the question of whether not the main character could live without horses or not was not predictable or clear throughout the story. Only in the last chapter do you find out whether or not she can. The story could have gone either way in the end, and I loved that. I have a feeling that if the entire last chapter was completely rewritten, it could still be just as good of an ending. As for what the answer to the question is, you'll have to wait and find out for yourself.

I look forward to the next book. If this is a debut novella, the stories can only get richer from here.

Read a bit more about the book here! The book is not yet available on paper, but you can get an ebook here as well!

The X(foliate) Factor

2011-08-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

Before anyone else gets Very Upset with me about my totally bigoted views of OTTBs, I would like to point out that I have now totally screwed myself through karma - you KNOW that now that I've said my views, some totally gorgeous hunk of OTTB horseflesh is going to come into my life, and I am going to be doomed to fall in love with this horse and be forced to eat my words. That is how karma works.... after all, when I had the beautiful and black Quincy I said to myself, "I hate bays! I will never own a bay!" and I am now on bay #2. I've been saying for years how much I completely hate men, and now I am dating one. So in all likelihood, everyone who is mad at me for ragging on OTTBs is probably going to be laughing at me sometime in the future... I'll be reaping the negative energy I sow! Jen, for pointing this out to me you are going to get served liquefied brussel sprouts. Warm ones. Plus an additional side of whatever else you find in your fridge.

In other unrelated news, I hadn't been out to the barn in a couple of days, and when I arrived this morning I found that Gogo was ready to completely exfoliate her sole on all four feet... AGAIN. They've been looking a bit like they wanted to do that in the past week or so, so it wasn't unexpected. When she moved to this new facility and had her major exfoliation, she was left with a flat, thin sole and hardly any collateral groove depth, especially in the front of her foot. She quickly laid down new sole in an effort to keep herself protected, and the resulting material was thick but still flat. (Not uncommon... every horse adapts to their situation and their terrain.) She regained her collateral groove depth, and when the time was right, she let the old stuff exfoliate. This of course meant she had more standing hoofwall, and that she needed a trim. The foot, through this exfoliation, has regained concavity while still maintaining thickness. Steps in the right direction... and it happened SO quickly. I don't know how shod people cope with these kinds of things... how can these changes occur properly with shoes on?

Before trim LF (clubby foot):

Mid trim:

That foot isn't finished - lateral heel was a smidge high, some flaky stuff at the toe needed to go, and the medial bar needed a bit more attention. I hadn't brought the foot foward to finish it either at that point... I guess I was a little trigger happy with my camera! And that frog. Ugh, that frog. It is SO much more robust than it was, but it's still thrushy and ugly. Gogo has never in five years had thrush at ALL, which to me says a lot about the health of these hooves. Healthy hooves in even less than ideal environments can thwart thrush without problem, but unhealthy hooves in even the best environment will still get thrush. The new growth is ALMOST on the ground.... I can't wait to see what we have then!

I didn't end up getting a nice picture of the finished product, which was silly of me. The giant chip in her toe is nearly gone already. That was just a few weeks ago!

Every day, hooves continue to amaze me.

So what is next?

2011-08-18T20:13:00.000-07:00

What do you do when it really hits you that your perfect dream event horse is not going to event again, jump again, or possibly even do any type of under saddle work at all again?

Well, if I want to ride and compete again - and I do - then it is time that I seriously consider a second horse.

This is NOT to say that this would be happening anytime in the relatively near future. I don't have the money for it at the moment and probably won't for a long while. Right now I am trying to establish a business and not starve to death in the process, so my energies - and my money - are going towards those two things pretty much exclusively. Depending on how my financial situation works out, I think a good and vague timeframe for this would be within a year.

This horse-buying situation is going to be different this time around compared to how I got my last three. Quincy was a freebie. Metro was purchased by my parents. Gogo was purchased with blood money from Metro's mortality insurance payout. (Well, ok, so maybe it's not that horrible but it still felt weird at the time. Metro died, we collected our mortality on him, and therefore had money to reinvest into another horse. Essentially, blood money.) This time, I am operating under my own financial steam only.

Which means there is no possible way on planet earth that I am going to be able to afford the kind of horse that I really want. It's just fact.

This in mind, I have to go about tailoring my search process carefully. I am not going to be able to spend an enormous chunk on a horse. I am not going to be able to buy a horse that is far enough away from me that I will need to fly to go see it, and will need to have it shipped from a distance. I will have to settle for something local, within reason, and not too expensive.

I also have not ruled out breeding Gogo at some point. And we are not getting into that discussion today! But it brought up a point that worried me - I more than likely will have no idea who my potential future horse's parents were, and if it's a cheap horse, it might be offspring from broken down old nags who somehow managed to produce something nice. If Gogo with her potential leg issue is not worthy of being a breeding animal despite all her other qualities, then how do I know I will be buying a horse with a history of family soundness or not if I don't know the dam or sire? The nicest horse I am ever going to be able to afford is one that will come directly out of her in the first place, but I can't guarantee baby's soundness. Neither can I guarantee anything's soundness at all, but I at least wish I knew where the horse had come from - i.e. did mommy or daddy have any sort of major soundness issues. This worries me.... a lot. Sound is as sound does, obviously - some of the most crooked-legged horses I've ever seen were the soundest, and some of the nicest horses on the planet earth just fell apart under their own steam for seemingly no obvious reason. I guess in life there are no guarantees.

When Metro had soundness issues, it was obvious why - he had glaringly bad comformational faults and weighed 1400lbs. With Gogo, it's a bit of a different story. Why did her crooked front legs hold up to everything I could throw at them, but her relatively correct hind legs didn't? Who knows. If I breed her, I don't know if baby will be sound. I don't know if this neverending injury isn't healing because of some sort of genetic component, or if it is just the crappiest luck ever.

Anyway, I digress. New horse, eventually.

In order to pick up something of a vaguely decent quality for a low price, I am going to have to a) first set a price, and then b) either buy the best I can in a very young horse, find a total diamond in the rough, or put up with some sort of issue in a nice horse that causes it to have a lower price. All of these things come with risk, but so does every horse buying adventure. I think I will know the right one when I find it.

I also have the option of rescuing something. I think this falls under the diamond in the rough category. If any of you so much as mentions the phrase OTTB I will be forced to make you drink liquefied brussel sprouts!

Secretly, very secretly, I kind of want to adopt a mustang. A cavalry remount one, you know... one that isn't a pony. But it's a bit of a silly pipe dream at the moment. Now THAT would be an awesome and fun project. Again though, that's a bit of a crap shoot.... how on earth would you ever know what you are going to end up with?

Technically, I guess it's ALL a bit of a silly pipe dream at the moment. A new horse won't be arriving in my life for a good long while, honestly. We'll just have to see what happens, and in the meantime, it's time to start brooding on what exactly I really and truly am hoping to find.

In other seriously unrelated news, have some awesome stop motion joy!

The Harsh Reality of Turnout

2011-08-14T17:41:00.000-07:00

Gogo is, once again, pretty unsound. Not consistently, not horribly, but it's there. Going to the right on the lunge, she looks completely normal and fine... you wouldn't even know there was a problem unless you were truly looking for something, and hard. Going to the left, she has a consistent hitch in her right hind. I am grateful that whatever is going on still appears to be with the SDFT, and that this presentation of lameness has been positively associated with SDFT damage in the past, because this is a classic suspensory presentation. If she had a new suspensory injury on top of everything, I think I'd die. Thankfully, as far as I can tell it's just the same old thing, forever.

To play the complete pessimist, deep down in my heart I think I always knew this would happen when I put her on turnout. I said a year and a half ago that I felt that turnout was "archaic" for a horse with a tendon injury, and received quite a lot of commentary in response. 9 months ago, I retracted my statement and decided that I would turn her out 24/7 and see what kinds of healing powers nature had to offer my mare. Stall rest and controlled exercise brought her back magnificently, but she reinjured twice in the process. Something wasn't working, and so I tried the alternative.

But I had my doubts early on. I wrote here about the fact that turning out a fresh tendon injury is potentially asking for trouble, and wrestled with myself over the ethics of it all. Was it right to trap her in a stall and bubblewrap her in the hopes that her body would heal even though her mind would struggle? Or was it right to turn her out, allow her mind to be happy, and potentially cripple her in the process? The important excerpt is here:

November 26th, 2010: "I am at war with myself over the best course of action for Gogo right now. Every fiber of my being screams against turning her out with a fresh soft-tissue injury. It's simply a fact: she WILL get hurt. It WILL hurt her. It MAY permanently damage and deform her. It MAY offer perfect, miracle healing. It might completely ruin her, and cosmetically and structurally destroy her permanently. The last horse I saw that was turned out with a SDFT injury ended up literally so deformed and lame that she knuckled over at the knee in an effort to not use her painful limb, and was severely lame at the walk even after the tendon was declared set for life. THAT could be Gogo. OR, she could take good care of her body, build up scar tissue, and come back as a mildly useable animal someday. The fact of the matter is that the body compensates for whatever it needs to in order to make itself functional. Likely, she'll build up an ugly bundle of disorganized scar tissue and heal herself. She'll hurt herself out there, oh yes! She will. Which is why I am at horrible, stomach-turning odds with myself. It's the right thing to do, retire her and let her loose to be a horse and give up hope of her ever being really rideable again. If she ever IS rideable, great! If not, it's fine too, so long as eventually she turns out pain free. Understandably, this is completely killing me."

In my heart, I felt as though I just couldn't trap her in a stall any longer - what was I achieving if she was just going to reinjure in the end? And so, I turned her out.

At first, I believed in it. I believed that nature would take my sweet mare and heal her. I still believe that nature has healing powers that modern humans simply cannot replicate through our controlled settings and our medications. (Which is why I chose the barefoot thing as a career... I believe in the restorative powers of a body's natural process. Humans just can't do it better than nature can.) For a short while, a spark ignited in my heart - returning my horse to her naturalness would help her so much! That's the answer! She seemed pretty happy once she adjusted, and I settled in to allow nature do its thing.

She got sounder. She got lamer. She got sounder. She got fatter. She got lamer. She got sounder. She got fatter. Her feet changed. She got fatter. She got sounder. She got lamer.

Six months into it, I had hope. She wasn't fully sound but she looked pretty darn good to me. She hadn't come sound like she had during stall rest and controlled exercise (2 months into the first injury and again into the first reinjury, she was sound), but hey, nature takes time. Once at the clinic, however, she displayed pretty constant lameness on the right hind. Ultrasound showed that there was still tendon degeneration as well as a tendon sheath full of stringy, messy adhesions. It looked like a pot of spaghetti spilled inside of her tendon sheath. (Tasty, I know). There was also annular ligament involvement, more than ever before.

Her body was doing exactly what I had predicted it would do: "Likely, she'll build up an ugly bundle of disorganized scar tissue and heal herself." Heal, at this point, is a very subjective term. That's just what tendon injuries out in a field usually do.

We injected the tendon sheath with Kenalog and went on our way. The vet advised that we continue with turnout (as if I was considering anything else), since this was now considered a chronic injury, and that I sit on her and see what happened.

The leg went down after the injection. She blew an adhesion and went lame. The leg blew up again. She got sounder. Life went on.

At the new farm, I tried to sit on her again, and again, she went quite lame. The leg blew up again, in a very grotesque kind of way, and this time it stayed. The leg as of today:

It's probable that she has reinjured, or done a new injury, or keeps blowing continual adhesions, or something. There is lameness and swelling and there is no end in sight to this whole vicious cycle. If she stays in turnout, she continues to walk around on an injured limb, possibly injuring it further or causing strain to other parts of her body. But at this point, if she gets stalled, it will kill her. It didn't do her any favors before, and it's not going to do her any favors now.

This all basically boils down to this: I don't think I did her any favors physically when I turned her out. In fact, I may have completely doomed her soundness forever. Maybe that's being a little dramatic, but honestly, she's lamer now than she was before I turned her out 24/7, and the leg is now ugly and fat and full of adhesions when before it didn't have any. Before turnout, she was trim and muscular. Now, she is morbidly obese, and it is going to be next to impossible to get the weight off of her while she is unridable. (And the weight adds to her lameness, so it's a vicious circle). Before turnout, she has gorgeous, picture-perfect hooves. Now, I'm doing constant damage control due to all the changes they have gone through.

It's too late for stall rest now, and it would mentally wreck her. There's nothing I can do anymore except just keep her turned out and hope that she remains happy and relatively comfortable. At this point, I don't really have any hope that she'll return to any level of functional soundness. Trail pony someday, if I'm lucky. Maybe. We also have the option of cutting her annular ligament, which has been discussed all along and which I violently opposed up until now. That could possibly be a helpful last resort. Or, it could be a total disaster. Who knows?

It feels like Metro all over again. When he first went lame, I said to myself, "Well, he'll just max out at Training level in eventing, and that's ok." When his lameness progressed, it became, "Well, he'll make a super dressage horse." When he worsened, it became, "Well, he'll be a great trail horse." It wasn't long before it became, "Well, he'll be really nice to look at in a field." At the end of it all, when it was clear he wouldn't even be comfortable enough to hobble around in the pasture, it became, "Well.... this is the end."

I hope it doesn't come down to that. As long as she is walking around in comfort and is happy, we'll keep trying. But I'll do the right thing by my horse, if she tells me so. It's cruel to make a horse hobble around in a field in constant pain just for an owner's selfish emotional needs. I'm not that person and I'll never do that to her.

It's obviously not NEARLY that bad at this point. But honestly, having previously lost one in a similar slow downward spiral, I can't help but worry about it.

Oh, Gogo.

Magical Mystery Mare

2011-08-07T18:17:00.000-07:00

Hmmmmm. Apparently Gogo has made it her mission to keep me completely and utterly confused at all times during this rehab. She's very nearly sound, despite the leg looking as ugly as ever. She's just as 'nearly' sound as she has been in the past few videos I've posted. We put her on the lunge this afternoon, and lo and behold she is no different than she has been - a few funny steps here and there if you look for them, but mostly pretty darn sound. Mare, you're KILLING me here! You are a perpetual mystery!

In other news, check out how much change there has been in her feet since pulling her off of the grass:

The photos are shot from different angles but you get the gist. First one was from about two or three weeks ago, second is from today. She was in need of a trim in the first photo (that was right after she fully exfoliated) and could probably stand for a touch-up in the second. Can't wait to see what we have when the new growth hits the ground... it's almost there!

I also, um.... may have shaved her four-inch mohawk off.

It was funny..... after I did it, I stepped back to look at her and went HOLY COW, she is NOT actually as morbidly obese as I thought she was! Instant Visual Weight Loss!
But, she is still pretty dang fat anyway..... check out the comparison photos of last August and this August:

Longtime readers will recall that this time last year, Gogo's rehab consisted of 30 minutes of loose rein walk, 20 minutes of walk work on the bit, 20 minutes of trotting, and 15 minutes of cantering, six days a week. She was stronger and fitter than ever.... hence that gorgeous top picture of her looking muscular and beautiful.

Annnnnnd the bottom picture.... she looks um...... fat. But I guess not as fat as I thought. But still pretty fat. Could that possibly be a topline from walking around so much on her own in the grazing postion for these past eight months? Could be.... but it's probably just a crest. (MAYBE there is some muscle under there. Impossible to tell.... she is just too fat.)

But I DO think she has lost a LITTLE bit of weight. How could she not? It's 95947282040959392 degrees out there every day! (Literally, this is almost 40 straight days of 100+ degree temps every day... and it hasn't rained here since May.)

Yikes.

Fat though she may be, you can't deny that she is still completely adorable:

One of our boarders is a long-time Trakehner breeder, and she raves about how gorgeous Gogo is and tells me every time she sees me that I should breed her. I WISH.

Sunday Success Stories

2011-08-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

(Sunday Success Stories have returned to Eventing-A-Gogo! Each week, we feature a reader's own personal journey through overcoming difficulty and adversity, sometimes against all odds, and pulling through no matter what. These stories are about those who never gave up, and who made a difference in the life of an animal who just needed a little love and care in order to turn around and really bloom again. Send your success stories, past or present, to EventingAGogo@gmail.com!)

This week's Sunday Success Story comes from Jess, who writes in to tell us: "I wanted to let you know a little about myself and my story with horses. I have a YouTube series called The Quest For Champion. I am currently training three rescue thoroughbreds, and I am documenting our progress. I've been told that they will never amount to anything but wasted time and money. They are all still very green, but we are training hard every day, and making excellent progress. You can really tell a huge difference in my boys. Just as you said, I plan on proving people wrong, and raising awareness about the wonderful horses that can be saved. I post up an new video each week, and mix fast paced eventing with awesome dubstep. I also do some dressage from time to time!" Without further ado, here is their story!

The Quest for Champion

My name is Jess, and I've been riding since I was seven years old. I've been showing for about five years now, and it's safe to say I'm hooked! I love all English riding, so I show in many disciplines with no particular favorite. Showing has become an addiction for me, I'm at every one I can get to. Throughout the years I've owned many wonderful horses, but I've never felt more fortunate to own a horse than I do now. Please allow me to explain.

I am the proud owner of not one, but three AMAZING rescue horses. I hate to think about it, but these guys were basically headed for slaughter when I found them. I saved my first horse back in 2007, His name is Lago, but I call him Gam. He was only two and a half years old, and had raced about ten times. He had some issues with fluid on his abdomen, and some other really scary stuff. We went through six months of treatment, and he recovered fully! We started our training shortly after, and had our first show in 2008. He's been going hard ever since. He's hands down the smartest horse I've ever had the pleasure of riding.

All three of my boys were in really bad shape when we met. Now they are healthy as can be, and are all currently showing with me. My goal with these guys is to take them from a bunch of "Racetrack rejects" to Champions of show. I want people to know that you don't need to have a thirty or forty thousand dollar horse to win shows. I'd like them to know that they can save a horse, and with enough love, time, and patience, anything is possible. I'd like to prove to all people that had negative things to say just how wrong they were. I was talking to a friend about all of this, and they brought up the idea of making a Youtube series. Something about the idea seemed like it was meant to be.

I made my first video in November 2010 and posted it to YouTube. This was actually Bay's first show with me! Since then, I have uploaded thirty four videos starring my boys. It's a way for me to look back, and see how far they progressed. I wish I had video when from when I first met them. It makes me sad to think of how skinny Bay was, or how Judge wouldn't stop trying to kiss me. Now they win ribbons, and do what many people said was impossible. The videos are not only is it a tool to gauge progression, but I've also been told that the videos are a great asset beginner riders.

I named my show The Quest For Champion. I wanted something that reflected the different personality's of the me and my boys. Something completely different from what anyone has seen before. It's shot in a really special way, to almost put you ON the horse and IN the show! You'll see what I mean! Your with me during every walk, trot, canter, and jump. Your with me through the refusals, and even the falls! It's really intense! I've even overcome my camera shyness and I intro every show, and share some crazy stories from behind the scenes. I upload a new video every Monday, and I'd would really love it if I could share the show with you and the readers. I was so ecstatic when I found your site. I think we may be kindred spirits. Much like Gogo, my boys event, and show barefoot :D

You can find my Youtube channel at: www.youtube.com/quest4champ
I'm also on Facebook: www.facebook.com/questforchampion/

(Send your submissions and stories to EventingAGogo@gmail.com! Gogo wants you to!)

Photo Adventure Fridays

2011-08-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

This week's Photo Adventure....

Bryce Canyon National Park, Utah, USA.
One of many stops on my cross-continental road trip in 2006. We rode mules through the park through all the crazy hoodoo rocks.... or rather, the bad riders rode mules, I rode a fantastic and well-trained little redheaded mare who was foot-perfect and had the lightest, sweetest mouth. Not all riding companies give the 'advanced' riders the crazy horses... some of them save the awesome horses that they don't want to be trashed for them instead!

Help with a name!

2011-08-04T15:34:00.000-07:00

JenJ and I were having a discussion today about my (eventual, future) trimming business and we decided that the name I had picked out did not remotely suit the business, nor did it match the logo that I'd like to use for it. She mentioned to me that the name of her blog/farm came from a reader, and suggested I post my logo and ask my readers for business name ideas.

If you steal my logo though, I will hunt you down and sic my whale-mare on you!
(Note: the logo is a doodle, a hand design that needs a lot of finishing. So it's just an idea for now... any further suggestions are appreciated!)

I was thinking that it should potentially have something nautical as a name to go along with the compass rose theme - I grew up boating and still love it so it fits well. Or something travel/exciting/direction/adventure related... let your imaginations run wild!

Fat Camp Fail

2011-08-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

Want to know how to induce lameness in your previously healing wubba-chubba mare? Say these four words to her: "You need Fat Camp."
She will then realize that she is about to go back to some sort of level of work, and she will understandably decide that she must take whatever precautionary measures that she must to ensure that this does not happen. Voila! Lameness.

I've had growing concerns over the past couple of months about the state of Gogo's enormity, as I've talked quite a lot about. The vet had told me in June after our checkup that I should get on and w/t/c her, but that plan failed pretty spectacularly. She seemed to bounce back well from that episode, but I wasn't really that convinced that she was going to be fine to do anything faster than a walk. I decided that I would start carefully, on August 1st, with a walk-only rehab program that would take me through two months, and at the end of it we would reevaluate and see if she was ready to trot.

Well. On Monday, I got to the barn early, and Gogo's RH looks kind of ugly. I opted to get on anyway, and do my scheduled 10 minutes of walk work. She felt fine at the walk, like she always does, but at the end of 10 minutes I just had to know how she felt at the trot.... whether or not the ugly leg meant anything.

Yep. Super lame. I should have known.

When I got off I cold-hosed her for 10 minutes, but it made no difference. Back in the barn, the leg looked worse than ever. Feeling defeated, I turned her back out again, only to watch her execute a beautiful prancing trot and decent looking canter on her way back out to her friends. It was hard to tell from my angle how lame she was, but she propped pretty hard with both hinds when she was slowing down, which is what she has historically done when lame behind.

At this point, I think riding is just a bad idea in general.

There's not really much I can do at this point. Being out in turnout might cripple her for life. But being in a stall at this point would kill her. I have more to write about this later. As for right now, well..... I dunno, really.

(Four inches of mohawk really does not help the Fatty Fat look on her.... I promise that she is not quite as morbidly obese as she appears in that picture. Even though she is terrifyingly gigantic.)

Happy 5-Year Anniversary to Gogo and I!

2011-07-30T09:56:00.000-07:00

Thursday, Gogo and I celebrated our five-year anniversary together, and I can hardly believe how much time has gone by. FIVE years has passed since I plunked down a check for my little monster... FIVE! It has been one hell of a journey, full of ups and down and everything inbetween. Despite it all, I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't be where I am today without her.

I have some hilarious picture tributes that I put up for her last year...

Gogo's Famous Picture Pose
Gogo Strikes a Pose!
Uhm.... 'Special' Moments

.... and of course, I must add another year's worth of Picture Poses, Striking a Pose, and 'Special' Moments:

Happy Anniversary my little Mami! Here's to another five - or ten, or fifteen, or twenty! - years of laughter, tears, ups, downs, happiness, and GOGO!

Heart and Sole

2011-07-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

A few interesting things have happened recently with Gogo's feet, as I've mentioned a couple of times. They are all directly or indirectly related to grass and the possibility (probability) that Gogo has some sort of metabolic issue, however mild. (I mean, look at her. The mare looks at food and gains weight.) Regardless of whether or not she does, I think it's pretty safe to say that putting this horse back out onto unlimited lush pasture at any point in her future would be dangerous and potentially very harmful. She did not suffer any sort of serious malady during her time out on pasture, but I am certain that if I was less versed in feet, metabolic issues, and nutrition, I wouldn't have ever made any sort of connection between any of these things. She's still as sound as ever in her feet. However, she has some small visual changes in her feet that signal the alarm for me. If she were under different care, this would most assuredly be the horse in a few years that horribly foundered on pasture, with the owner scratching their head going, "I dunno, she's never had a problem before..." The writing is almost always there on the wall for these types of horses. You just need to look for it and know exactly WHAT you are looking for. I'll say it again: in her 6 months on pasture, she has never ONCE been sore. It's not a matter of her soundness. She still crunches gravel, still lands solidly heel-first, still strides out fully. BUT there have been some very interesting changes in her feet that have happened very, very quickly.

1) The entire length of her foot increased... a lot. This mare went from having strong, tamped-short rock crunchers to weaker, lengthened rock-crunchers over a period of a few months. Yes they still crunch rock, but it's interesting that they do. In general, when a hoof capsule gets longer over time (and I'm not talking general overgrowth, I'm talking about when a hoof has just been completely and properly trimmed but still looks long - this also couples with a flat sole), it can point to the fact that the coffin bone is moving lower into the hoof capsule. When I say that, I don't mean the bone is moving, I mean the hoof capsule is slowly but surely distorting around the bone, away from where it should be. (Read a bit about distal decent here. It's not just the classic sinker in a foundering horse... it is WAY more common than you think.)
2) All four feet flattened out and lost their concavity. This coupled with the length of the hoofwall assuredly meant that P3 was settling lower in the hoof capsule. (Remember, she's still sound in all four feet.)
3) A false sole that hung on and couldn't exfoliate itself until literally less than two days after she was pulled completely off of grass. Once off the grass, the stubborn and cracked sole came off easily on all four feet, and all four frogs also exfoliated completely off immediately following. (They did NOT slough off, they exfoliated. Sloughing is a red alert, and exfoliating is a normal process. Believe me, you'd know the difference if you saw it!)
4) Hoofwall rings. This one seems to be more related to taking Gogo off of the Gro N' Win, as the final ring on her hoofwall corresponds exactly to the time when the Gro n' Win was stopped. The new growth is FAR tighter, which means her eternal slight white line separation might actually go away. This is a very, VERY positive thing. If the new growth has been poor, wavy, ripply, bumpy, or otherwise bad, I would be extremely worried.

So what now? Now that Gogo is off the grass for good, her entire sole has exfoliated - kudos to those of you who guessed right - and all four frogs went right along with it. The right hind frog hung on longest, and finally it was ready to go with a little help from me:

Buh-bye frog!
If you notice, there are a few things going on. First, the white line separation is pretty noticeable. At this point, I could do a serious Ramey trim and remove all of that weight-bearing wall, which is often recommended for helping grow out flare like this, but in this case I have to disagree. We all see the new hoof growing down - above that, there is no flare, and the white line will be tight at the ground-bearing surface once it gets there. This foot is SO flat but still sound, and I think if I took away that bit of support - no matter if it is flare or not - I would quickly make her quite a lot less comfortable on hard surfaces. If she lived on a soft surface, sure, I might try it. But she lives out on rocky, rough terrain. She is telling me it works for her for this moment, so it stays. One size trim does not fit all.
Secondly, that foot is VERY flat. It just sort of looks less like the thick, robust foot we're all accustomed to seeing. The dimensions of it haven't changed, save for toe length and sole depth. Interestingly, with a trim post-exfoliation the foot is a fair bit shorter than it was already. It is still WAY too flat, and her sole is quite thin. I have a good feeling that when the new growth above the Gro N' Win growth ring hits the ground bearing surface on these feet, that flare and white line separation is going to be gone, and the sole with concave itself pretty quickly. It may concave itself before then, but it might not. We'll have to see.

Left front (clubbier foot) pre and post-exfoliation:

You can't tell from the picture, but the biggest difference here is that the foot is now almost 1/2-3/4 of an inch shorter than it was... THAT much sole came off by itself!
The area of weak medial wall on the right side picture is from where she chipped off a big piece of wall before I could rush my tools out to see her post-exfoliation. GIANT chip out of the toe is a mystery... just one of those things. Certainly aided by the weaker bit of hoofwall where the toe crack is. It was just gone when I showed up the other day, so it could have been anything. Hell, she could have struck at another horse and slammed it into something.... this is Gogo, after all! It isn't a problem and it will go away with new growth.

Foot doesn't look great but it will improve. Again, it is SUPER flat and that fresh new frog needs time to callous over and thicken up. This foot needs time to toughen up a bit and re-concave itself. It will, it just takes some time. In the meantime, she is still walking over rocks like she doesn't care.... which is shocking considering how thin her sole is.

In other news, the fat front leg magically dissapeared by itself - yay! It was, unfortunately, replaced by a fat hind leg - the right one, of course! Great. I was concerned that this could mean another blown adhesion or a reinjured limb, so I dropped her in the roundpen to check her soundness. And this is what came of that:

CRAZY WOMAN. There is still a bit of hitchy lameness, but it is no different than it has been. Blown adhesions are SUPER painful and can cause super lameness, even if just temporarily! Thankfully, she historically has still shown lameness when trotting around even when her veins are coursing with adrenaline, so at this point I'll take it for what it is - a mystery non lameness-inducing fat leg. There is a scrape on the leg, so maybe...? Who knows with Gogo though. At least the Mystery Texas Death Fungus has also cleared itself up and gone away, even if it did leave her with a number of small bald patches on all four legs.

Gogo says, WHEEEEEEEEEE I defy you, thin-soled feet and fat legs!

She is an eternal lesson and a perpetual mystery, that is for sure.
In two days it will be our five-year anniversary together... I can't believe it!!!

Beauty and the Beach

2011-07-23T16:17:00.000-07:00

It's way, way too hot to even consider venturing outside at the given moment. 107 degrees and climbing? I don't think so.

Instead, I dorked around with my Movie Maker and actually made a movie! I had no idea what I was doing (I am, at best, completely techo-challenged on a good day), but I did it! It's awesome, you should watch it. It might be the best video ever made on the planet earth.

I'd sure like to be doing any one of those things today instead of hiding in my air conditioning! I miss the beach!

Guess what happens next!

2011-07-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

If you saw this on the bottom of all four of your horse's feet, would you know what was happening, and what do you think would happen next?

The answer will follow shortly, as soon as I take a picture of it :) (Picture was taken about two weeks ago.) Don't worry, it is both interesting and good at the same time!

Stay tuned for More Fascinating Hoof Things!

She's All Legs

2011-07-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

I've been doing my best to come up with a Master Plan for Gogo's current stage of rehab/desperate weight loss need. I have a basic idea of what I want to do, but of course, Gogo's incredibly awkward legs have other ideas, and have decided they are just going to do whatever they want to do, rehab be damned!

Gogo is the queen of Random Mystery Leg Swellings With No Lameness. For YEARS she has been getting mystery swellings, which were mostly due to cuts and scrapes; however, they have been known to arise from anything under the sun, all the way from generalized bangings (getting cast in her stall, getting tangled in a roundpen panel, etc) to wild reactions to new batches of shavings (balloon legs on her, but nobody else!). Generally, when it comes to Gogo, if there is a cut or scrape on one of her legs, I can bank on it swelling dramatically no matter what. Not a single one of these Mystery Leg Swellings was lameness-inducing. And this time, it's no different: Gogo's right front is lumpy and fat, and in the past two days has switched from the inside of the leg to the outside. All four legs have a little fill to them too. Why? Oh, I dunno. Might be....

MYSTERY TEXAS DEATH FUNGUS.
Or something like that.

Seriously, what the heck is going on? A mystery fungus that pops up on all four legs in the middle of the hottest, driest summer Gogo has ever experienced in her life? I might understand it if I was bathing her a million times a week in the middle of a soggy Connecticut spring, but here? It popped up as a bunch of scabs on the backside of all four legs, right where you'd expect scratches to be (save for the right front, which has scabs on the front of the pastern as well). When you pick them, they come off, and bleed - a lot. They only showed up in the last week or so - coinciding pretty well with the move to the new facility. Texas is desperately dry right now, so it's not like she's standing in mud. And is it even a fungus? Her field has some bull nettle in it, as well as several other types of completely terrifying pokey plants in it (they're not cacti, but I wouldn't want to run into them either way), so it's possible she's reacting to getting poked and stabbed by plants she's never been exposed to either. But I think if that were the case, it wouldn't be localized so much... hmm.

I always tend to associate scratches with having an autoimmune issue. But in this case, it does coincide pretty spot-on with her move to the new place. I wonder what is actually going on... fungus, or scabs due to many little cuts and scrapes from nettles?

Either way, washing with Micro-Tek and Desitin aren't going to hurt anything, so we'll give that a try. As for the fat right front, I dunno... the fill doesn't go away with movement (the case in her other 3 days), isn't sore, is warm but not hot, and is not lameness-inducing. It is also partly localized as a lump on the outside of her leg.

The other VERY INTERESTING thing that is happening? Gogo is growing a COMPLETELY different foot. I mean SERIOUSLY different. Rememeber four months ago when I pulled her off Gro N' Win? I mentioned then that Gogo has always, always has a small bit of white line separation, always - for years! It never caused her a problem but it never went away. I had always chalked it up to the horrible, soggy New England climate. Gro N' Win has a soy base, and when I removed it from her diet, I mused that while I didn't think she had a soy sensitivity, it would be interesting to see what would happen.

Gogo's feet at the start of April:

With the same danged-ol' toe cracks that she has had for five years. She has noticable indentations in her coronet bands on both fronts, which is where the problem originates. They've never been a problem, and so far nothing has ever made them change or go away. They've always looked pretty much like that - you might not notice they were there unless you looked for them.

Until April happened, and the grass grew in. Suddenly, Gogo's feet were dramatically changing right before my very eyes. Her beautiful feet deteriorated with such rapidity that I didn't hardly know what to do with myself. They were different EVERY day. Aside from the underside of her foot warping, the most alarming thing that happened was that both toe cracks split open pretty wide all the way to the top of the hoof. That had NEVER happened before. It didn't cause her any problems, thankfully, but it was still startling to see. All because of the beautiful pasture she was on.

Beautiful grass pastures are my sworn mortal enemy. At this point, after seeing what the grass did to her, I think I'd rather have her in a stall/minimal turnout situation than out on unlimited pasture ever again. She was never sore or lame, but she could have been. If you eat too many sugary candy bars, you are probably going to end up as a diabetic someday. Horses are NO exception.

Thankfully, we have fast-forwarded three months, and are onto a new chapter in Gogo's feet. Gogo has been off the Gro N' Win now since the beginning of April, and her vitamins and minerals are coming from a supplement instead. The new non-soy foot Gogo is growing in is beautiful and quite a LOT tighter than the one she had before. Look where the big crack stops - RIGHT at the event line. How about that. The grass caused the cracks, but taking her off the Gro N' Win seems to have prevented them from staying. Interesting... very interesting.

Not the greatest picture, but you get the idea. Excuse the recently-bathed coronet/periople wetness. Oh yeah, and there's the fat leg too!

If you notice, that foot in comparison to the hoof picture above it has a LOT of length to it. Gogo was trimmed barely two weeks ago, but after she was pulled off the grass for good, she completely exfoliated her sole on all four feet.... AGAIN. This is the fourth or fifth time in the past few months that she has done this. It just finished its full exfoliation, and of course this now has left about half an inch of hoofwall that is standing above the sole. It's trim time - immediately!

Oh Gogo. You are my greatest teacher.

PS: she has a fan club of little girls at the new barn already... and guess what their favorite pastime is with her?

She loves all her little minions.

More soon on the rehab process and what actual, concrete plans I have in store for her - and how her first time back under saddle went!

Tell me what you see!

2011-07-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

Tell me what you see in this video in terms of soundness.

What I see is a horse who has not been this sound since her reinjury back in November '10, 8 months ago. For the first time, I am almost willing to call her "sound." (At least, as of today.) Blowing the suspected adhesion seems to have done her a world of good. The tendon sheath injection was definitely the right way to go. Regular sheath injections will probably be necessary for her if we are to hope for a riding career (competitive or otherwise), but that's fine. Whatever needs to be done to keep her comfortable.

And speaking of all things veterinary, I consulted with Dr. H about the udder today, which was HUGE and lumpy when I arrived at the barn. Her temp was still normal today (100.5), and she still doesn't mind her udder being incessantly poked and prodded. The discharge is still a milky-watery liquid, and it doesn't have thickness/chunks/odor/other nasty things in it (hope you're not eating right now.... mmmm mental image), which is good. We agreed to treat it like a mastitis, and I ran up to the vet office to get 5 days of Uniprim. She definitely won't eat that in her (meager) amount of supplements she gets daily, so I have to shove it down her throat via syringe. I also am trying rubbing castor oil the udder as well, which was suggested to me... it seems like a stupid idea, but I guess if it works, then there you go. If it fails, whatever... I don't expect it to do much anyway. The antibiotics will hopefully knock out the infection, and if I keep emptying out the udder, hopefully we'll clear this up in the next week.

Joys of having a mare! I'd take this udder nonsense over regular sheath cleanings any day though, I will tell you that with NO hesitation!

Gogo's Goodies

2011-07-10T06:14:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm. Gogo, the weirdest mare I know, continues to get weirder by the day.

So a few weeks ago I went away on vacation right? Well, when I came back, Gogo had a weird little surprise waiting for me: one side of her udder was super swollen. The other side was normal as always. I poked, prodded and pulled for a few days, and nothing happened. It didn't change or go down. She didn't have a fever. It wasn't uncomfortable for her. When I consulted the vet, he suggested trying to express it and that it might be a weird hormonal thing. Since I had been trying to express it for days, I wasn't convinced anything was going to happen. That night, after quite a lot more tugging, pulling, and milk-attempting, I gave up and fed the Mami her dinner finally. When I sat back to watch her eat, my eye was drawn back up to her udder.... which was now leaking white fluid. Holy milky fail, Batman!

Yes, that is me milking my horse. Good thing I milked a cow at summercamp one time about 15 years ago and remember how to do it. Wasn't I a breeding major in college?

Gogo, weird woman that she is, stood perfectly still with no halter or anything (and a giant tempting grassy field all around her) while I expressed it. The following day, the udder and teat were quite a lot smaller. I expressed it again, and again, the following day it was even smaller. I couldn't really get anything out of it at all the day after that, so I figured the vet had been right and it was just some sort of funky hormonal issue.

And then yesterday, it came back. My concern at this point is that it is a mastitis. (Really, Gogo? A open maiden mare?) She is still eating, drinking and doing her thing, and at this point still doesn't have a fever, so I don't think we are dealing with an emergency, but I'll be giving the vet a call tomorrow so we can get her on some antibiotics. I read somewhere that rubbing castor oil on the udder and then rinsing it off a few hours later helps to clear it up.... never heard of that before but it might be worth a try.

Oh, Gogo. Seriously.

In other, much better news, I put Gogo in the roundpen yesterday to see how lame she was. I hadn't really seen her trot much since she blew the adhesion a few weeks ago, and I was under the impression that she was still quite lame. Apparently I was wrong, because she trotted out VERY well. She looked great! I'd give her about a 95%. She is as sound as she was post-vet when I sat on her a few times. Which is not to say she is SOUND... but she's close to it. Sounder than the dang Irish horses I've been riding for the past few months, that's for sure.

I think I will go ahead with what Dr. H recommended and sit on her a few times. If someone is around to watch, I'll trot her a bit and see what they think. At this point I am ridiculously honed to the feel of hind-end lameness, so I'll be able to feel what exactly is going on as well while I am in the saddle. Mostly I want to sit on her so I can peel off some of those ridiculous pounds she is carrying around with her.... she's easily 200lbs overweight. Not exactly good for a pair of questionable hind legs is it! Ever hear overweight people complaining about their ankles, getting surgery on their knees, riding around in carts because it hurts them too much to walk? Same basic idea.... excess weight is damaging to bodies. ALL bodies.

I mean look at her.... DANG!:

That is one big momma. I'll have to get some sort of a game plan in order in terms of sitting on her... I really just can't do the willy-nilly ride-when-I-feel-like-it thing, not with an injury. My slightly OCD brain can't deal with that.

Good lord though. If I can't get some of this weight off of her, she really might just explode.

All Moved!

2011-07-05T13:15:00.001-07:00

The entire Noah's Arc of pets and myself are all moved in to our respective new homes - dogs, cats and myself in Fort Worth, and Gogo in Aledo, which is southwest of the city. Gogo's new digs are at an eventing barn, complete with modified XC course and has all the main amenities you'd expect from a competition barn, with a perk: the retired folks pasture in the back of the property. Pasture board for the riding set of horses is separate from this area, and is smaller, so I lucked out! The retired folks pasture is about 10 acres and had a small herd comprised of three geldings and two mares living out on it already. It is the wildest country Gogo has ever lived on by far.

Truthfully, had you shown me the retired folks pasture a year ago, I wouldn't have ever considered putting my horse out somewhere so wild looking. Having now seen firsthand so many of the bad things can happen to a horse out on endless immaculate grass pasture like she has been on for the past seven months (serious obesity, total loss of solar concavity, event lines.... she's a blade of grass away from a metabolic disaster), I can't wait to get her out somewhere that vaguely resembles where a feral horse in the southwest might actually roam. (Minus like, the cacti.) Rocks, hills, trees, scrub, and a herd? Sounds good to me.

Project tail revival: complete! It looked horrible but apparently it just needed a serious scrubdown... it's been a few weeks since her last bath. I thought more of it had been ripped out... thankfully not!

Gogo spent her first night at the new place turned out in an adjoining paddock that shared a fenceline so she could meet her herdmates over the fence. Yesterday afternoon, I brought her out to meet the rest of the herd. Seeing as she has a bad reputation of being a completely heinous unsocialized alpha mare, I wasn't sure how it would go.

And.... that was about it. The paint gelding and Gogo double-barreled at each other once or twice, and then Gogo relented and took off. From that moment on, the paint was obsessed with her and would NOT leave her alone. He even chased the other horses across the fenceline away from her, so keen was he to win her affections. The rest of the horses went back to their own business, and she in turn ignored them completely as well, save for one crusty old chestnut gelding who thought he'd let her know from a distance that he had no intention of being her friend:

In the span of 5 minutes, Gogo met everyone, found the shelter, found the water, and found the haypile, which she settled at, the paint gelding at her side.

Completely passably social, and completely anticlimactic. Good mare.

Looks pretty wild and awesome to me!

Photo Adventure Fridays

2011-07-01T17:50:00.000-07:00

This week's Photo Adventure...

Georgia Aquarium, Atlanta, GA.
This was the second time I've visited the aquarium and it was just as magical as the first. If you're ever in Atlanta, GO. It's amazing.

I am in the process of moving quickly.... very, very quickly. Sometimes, you just have to get out of a toxic situation as fast as you possibly can. Gogo moves Sunday to her new home. You might not hear from me for a few days... I'm not sure. But wish us luck, and I will keep you updated as soon as I can.

Goodbye Ernie

2011-06-30T05:41:00.001-07:00

I am sad to report that I just got an e-mail from Abbie over at The Chronicles of Ernest, whose main character Ernie was featured in our Sunday Success Stories some time ago. Ernie was let go a few days ago after old age finally caught up with him, and Abbie is heartbroken. Life, even if it is long and fruitful, is still fragile at the end of it all.

Go hug your horses today. And go tell Abbie we're all thinking about her. Life is precious and don't forget that for one moment.

Ms. Brightside

2011-06-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Those of you who have been following me for a long period of time have seen me go through a couple of jobs along this very strange and wonderfully odd journey my life is taking me on. Most recently, I ended up far, far (far, far, far, far, far) from my last homebase in Connecticut when I took a job in Texas. It wasn't ideal, and it wasn't really what I wanted to do, but I needed something. It seemed like it would be fun to do for a little while.

It wasn't. But that's life.

In a very bizarre turn of events, seven months into this new Texas life I decided to take a few days off for a clinic and mini-vacation. During this time, I received a very unpleasant shock when I received one lone text stating that all of the horses on the property were leaving the Tuesday after I returned. Permanently. I'm not clear on why, but it doesn't matter. Very effectively, this has completely eradicated my job. I have the task now of finding a new job, a new house, and a new barn... quickly. Again.

But I'm not doing this again. I'm not throwing myself to the mercy of someone who offers housing, board, and a salary in one big trapped-like-a-rat burrito ever again. I'm not grooming, riding, managing, or catering to the elite any longer. I'm not going to ever be in a situation where I find myself panicked, jobless and homeless whenever a job falls through, for whatever reason. It's a miserable way to live.

Honestly though, despite everything, I'm glad this all worked out the way that it did. Because I took the job in Texas, I found Future Hubs, and that in and of itself is worth all of this drama and heartbreak. If I hadn't moved here, I wouldn't have ever met him. And because this job has been so sub-par, I had the incentive and drive to actually start school, and get going on my career of choice. I was happy with my last two jobs, so I didn't bother to do more than look into it. This time, I took the initiative and went for it, and I'm glad I did. I'm not ready at this point to take on clients, but I will be soon. If I can get through this interim, everything will come together. If I can make it through whatever kind of housing situation I end up with for the next six or so months, I'll be able to get a place with Future Hubs (that's when his commitment at his current house ends). If I can get some sort of something-or-other job to just pay the bills for however long, I can take it part time when I accumulate more clients, and I can eventually go full time with trimming when I am ready.

So yea, it sucks a bit at the present moment. There is going to be a period of time when I am probably going to be a bit hungry and a bit miserable. But really, how is that going to be ANY different from the past three years?
There is a better life coming, and I'm making it happen myself. It's the journey that counts just as much as the end result.

Go hug your grooms and barn managers today though. They bust their asses for you and they struggle very hard breaking their bodies down for minimum wage. Thank them and tell them they're doing a good job every chance you get. If they do a good job, they deserve to hear it.

Itchmeister Flex

2011-06-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to report on the Gogo front. The leg is much, much improved, and looks to be about where it was before the supposed adhesion rupture. I haven't even bothered to put her back on the lunge. I kind of don't want to know.

I'm currently out of town at a clinic, but I will leave you with some pictures of Itch-Woman getting some scratchy love from before I left:

Ohhhhhhh that's the SPOT!

More unfortunate life-altering changes coming soon..... I'll keep you updated, it's a blessing in disguise but it's bad news. I am a very happy and bright person but even I am starting to think I am life-jinxed. Can a girl and her horse catch a break?

Harsh Realities

2011-06-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

I think it's time I really sat down and took a serious look at the entirety of Gogo's eternally long and depressing rehab. Over a year and a half has gone into endless fruitless attempts to bring her back, and we are just a few months out from the two year mark (Sept. '09).

The original injury to both hinds occurred during a slip on XC at the 2009 AEC, with tenosynovitis in both hinds and a small distal core lesion on the LH SDFT. Rehab went smoothly and traditionally (stall rest, wraps, coldhosing/tubbing/icing, handwalking, treadmill, medical turnout pen, back under saddle at 2 months at the walk, trot under saddle month 3.5, canter month 5), and then she blew an adhesion between the sheath and the SDFT on the RH in early March '10, taking a good piece of tendon with it. This new injury went through an even stricter rehab (stall rest, wraps, coldhosing/tubbing/icing, NO turnout, treadmill only, back under saddle at 2 months at the walk, trot again at 4 months, canter again at 6 months and hacking outside of the arena, turnout again at 7.5 months, small crossrails at 7.5 months), and everything was going beautifully until one small misstep one day during a hack out in mid-November '10. She reinjured the RH in the exact same spot as before, only now there was annular ligament involvement. The vet advised turning her out for a year and seeing what we had at the end of it. Six months into 24/7 turnout, she was seen by the vet here in TX (June '10), and multiple adhesions were found in the RH tendon sheath, along with disorganization of the scar tissue in the SDFT (both hinds had some extend of this but she was sound on the LH, slightly lame on the RH). The tendon sheath on the RH was injected with Kenalog, and the vet advised sitting on her again at the w/t/c for 15 or so minutes a few times a week. About 5 or so rides into this, she came up pretty lame RH, with fairly significant swelling in the area of the tendon sheath. This improved slightly in the days following. Following the Kenalog injection, the leg had been looking really quite magnificent. Now it looks about like it did when she reinjured in November.

There is no way to know if she just blew an adhesion or if she has reinjured the tendon without another ultrasound. I haven't even called the vet yet to let him know though. I'll leave him a message I suppose, and see what he thinks, but at this point is there any point? I'm still going to just keep her turned out, and I don't know what the point of trying any more aggressive therapies might be. What am I trying to do here? What kind of horse am I trying to bring back if she just cannot stay sound? Adhesions have to go, it's true... and it might not be that bad. But it might be, and the fact that she now has a chronic injury with permanent remodeling to the SDFT and annular ligament leaves me with a horse that will have questionable soundness in the future. There is pretty much no way she'll ever jump again, much less event... and even if there was a chance, I couldn't bring myself to risk it. Will she ever do dressage again? I had thought so, until a few days ago. Now I'm not so sure. Will she even be able to be trail ridden? Will she do anything at all?

I'm not trying to be pessimistic or mopey in any way. I'm trying to be realistic. I have to be. I have to evaluate this with a level head or else I might not make the best decision for her... I might be making a decision for me. And I just can't do that. I know too many animals out there who are hobbling painfully around, medicated and kept alive for their owner's own selfish needs and ways when they really need to either be retired or let go. I owe it to her to put her needs first, always.

This is unfortunately the depressing and harsh reality of turning a horse with a soft tissue injury out. Without keeping an injury such as hers confined with controlled exercise, you risk the horse doing additional damage to the original injury, or laying down a tangled mess of scar tissue instead of a decently aligned pattern. There are of course exceptions... some horses heal in turnout perfectly, and some horses on stall rest totally fall apart. I guess you just never know. Do I regret turning her out? Well... no, I guess not. I didn't really have an option at that point though. Obviously the stall rest/controlled exercise thing just wasn't doing the trick. She was healing amazingly, then reinjuring... what was the point of it?

On turnout, she is not really doing a good job of healing. She's just sort of toodling around, doing her thing. She's not doing poorly, but she's not sound. The leg stays down until she stops moving, then it fills pretty dramatically. That's indicative of acute damage.

At this point, I don't really know what to think, or what to do. What is there to think or do? Maybe another year and a half of turnout is just what she needs. Maybe then we'll see what we have. Right now, we don't have much of anything.

But she's happy and she's comfortable walking around, so at least there is that.

Very Brief Update

2011-06-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

Well, we can't be sure of what's going on, but it appears as though Gogo has possibly blown an adhesion, or might have reinjured herself, probably at some point two days ago. I sat on her in the late afternoon, and she didn't really feel so great. It seemed to get progressively worse pretty quickly, and when I dismounted and checked the leg, there was pronounced swelling in the tendon sheath. That's probably indicative of an adhesion tearing, which in and of itself isn't bad, but if you remember the last time she tore an adhesion, this can also take pieces of good tendon with it.
Yesterday, there was still a fair bit of swelling in the leg; I snapped a few pictures which I will upload later. Today, the leg looks quite close to normal again. I was going to put her on the lunge to get a better look at her, but it was 106 degrees and I was feeling pretty depressed about the whole mess. (It's still 90 degrees at almost midnight right now.... yikes.) Maybe tomorrow if I get ambitious I'll see what I can see.
At this point, I really need to be realistic. Yes, blowing an adhesion isn't really all that bad, but if it's more than that I don't really know what I'm going to do. What are we really trying to do here?

I'll write more about it later. I need a nightcap.

We don't need no stinking saddles!

2011-06-10T16:59:00.000-07:00

Hay is being cut today in Gogo's pasture.... so what did we do for fun? Went for a little bareback jaunt in the roundpen, of course!

She feels really quite good. She's still a little wonky but it's not bad. The leg looks SO much better after the injection - and the left looks better too, probably from not needing to compensate so much.

Bliss.

Six Month Ultrasound

2011-06-03T17:30:00.001-07:00

Well.... that wasn't quite as great as I had hoped it would be.

Today Gogo went in for her 6 month ultrasound (6 months from when we first turned her out 24/7). I cleaned her all up this morning, bath included... she of course rolled right before loading on the trailer. Typical.

By the way, want to know how to make me dance? Give me a bucket full of angry wasps. I will practically do backflips to get away from them. (There was a nest being built in the bucket I keep overturned on top of my hitch... I picked it up and was suddenly faced with an army of angry wasps. This is not the first time they've built a nest in my trailer... and certainly not the first time they've created a veritable hell for me otherwise.) I only wish I had been able to video my crazed antics as I attempted to breakdance around my trailer avoiding divebombing wasps while hooking up.

((Gogo waiting to be unloaded.))

Dr. H palpated and flexed both hinds, watching her trot on a straight line in the driveway. He also observed her turning - and commented on how she seemed more reluctant to pivot on the right hind than the left. I personally have noticed that she is less comfortable standing for her left hind to be trimmed, like it's not comfortable to stand for any length of time on the right. She was a little lamer today than she has been, although the last few times I've seen her trot it was on soft ground. On hard ground, it's a bit of a different story. She's not THAT lame, but she's not sound.

In the roundpen she was about the same:

Lamer than on soft ground for sure.

I'm not sure how we did it without Crisco and a crowbar, but we somehow managed to wedge her gigantic fat fanny into the stocks:

((Fat mare in a little stocks...))

Ultrasound showed what Dr. H suspected about her gigantic windpuffs: multiple stringy adhesions freeloading (some attached) in the tendon sheath of her right SDFT. It sort of looked like a pot of spaghetti. There was also some disorganization of the actual tendon, moreso than the last time we ultrasounded. Before, there was a definite little black hole of a focal lesion in one spot. Now, it's just sort of an offcolored area of mess. The left hind showed some very small degeneration in the area of the original injury as well, and a possible adhesion in the sheath, but given the fact that she is sound on the left we are just taking it as old healed tissue. The right hind is the real problem.

That was the risk we took in putting her in turnout... that's just sometimes how these things heal when they're not controlled.

The other problem is her annular ligament at the back of her fetlock. It appears to be doubled in size compared to how it should be, and it is possibly putting pressure on the SDFT, not allowing it to fully heal. (If it ever fully heals). We're not going to do anything about it right at the moment, but if there isn't improvement at her next ultrasound, we may need to cut it. I really, really don't want to do that... but we might not have a choice. It might really help.

Again, she's really not THAT lame. She's just a little off. Amazing how just 'a little off' can have such dramatic things behind it. You just never know.

Dr. H injected the tendon sheath with Kenalog, and got out what fluid he could through the needle pre-injection. He said he expects the excess fluid in leg to decrease over the next few days, at which time he wants me to sit on her again. Walk, trot, canter for about 15 minutes at a time, a couple times a week.... I can sure do that. It's not going to be hurting her at this point... this is a chronic injury now, and there are permanent changes in her SDFT. Which I expected... but still didn't really want to hear.

Will she do dressage? Probably. Will she jump again? Maybe not. Will she event again? Probably not. It's pretty unlikely. But it was a long shot in the first place.

I guess that's just how it goes. I will certainly enjoy getting on her bareback and loping around the field a few times a week for the next couple of months. We'll see what we have in 60-90 days.

Poo.

A Plethora of Birthdays!

2011-06-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

Happy 10th birthday to Gogo!!
AND
Happy 3rd birthday to Snidgey!!
AND
Happy 1st birthday to Tonka!!

Today was one giant birthday party for half of my herd of animals. I can't believe Gogo was barely five when I bought her.... can't believe Snidgey could fit into the palm of my hand when I first brought her home.... can't believe Tonka has put on almost 40lbs in five months since this past January.

Who knew that this tiny little thing.....

Would turn into this GIANT HAIRBALL?

Tonka looks much the same now as when I first got her back in January:

Except she's put on nearly 40lbs. How she spends most of her days:

She is the best. I am so lucky to have her.

And of course, Momma Mare got plenty of snacks (and drooled them all over me):

Tomorrow Gogo goes back to the vet for her six month ultrasound.... nervous but excited for sure. Wish us luck!

Squashy!

2011-05-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

Look what we've been up to!

Other than the apparent fence repairs that need to be made (not sure why all the top strands are all on top of that fencepost.... weird what you don't notice until you look at a video!), it was total squashy comfy joy. I've been on her once or twice, just because, and she's been a perfect angel. Of course, now that I've said that I've probably just jinxed myself!

I did something a little unorthodox today, and let her trot for about 5 or 6 steps when I was sitting on her. She felt like a magnificent dream. I also watched her trot around in the field today of her own accord, and she looked just as good as she felt.

It's reallllllllllllly hot..... perfect for sunset rides, but not so perfect for anything else during the day. My car read this on the way home:

And the heat index today was 111 degrees. I almost passed out while out pruning trees on the farm. Clearly I need to learn to hydrate better.... dang ol' Texas.

In Which Gogo Permanently Defeats Her Muzzle

2011-05-26T19:23:00.000-07:00

Hmmmmmmm. Well, I knew this day was coming. After a long, exhausting battle to keep Gogo’s grazing muzzle on during the day, she has finally progressed from simply removing it to actually completely shredding it. It is currently in several pieces in the front seat of my car while I attempt to figure out a restoration. Seeing as I am about as handy as a cream cheese bagel, I don’t see any magical repairs happening anytime soon.

Gogo had been wearing her grazing muzzle for half days up until about a week ago. I then was cruel enough to switch her to full-day muzzle wearing, and she clearly wanted nothing to do with that idea. Day one went fine, except for the fact that Gogo spent most of her day listlessly toodling back and forth across her field, refusing to eat (although she did drink). Day two she rubbed her two brains cells together VERY hard, and figured out how to get the muzzle off. I put the muzzle on at 7:30am, and it was still on at noon. By 5pm, it was off and missing in the field. I located it, dusted it (and her flymask, removed and torn) off, and hung it up for the night, placing it back on in the next morning. By noon, it was off again. Still undeterred, I gave it another shot, wondering whether or not it would once again be off by midday, or if she would just give up and figure it out. When I came back at lunchtime, it was off, but this time the snap was attached to the diamond mesh, the breakaway was broken, the ground around the fence was torn up, and the entirety of the sewn on parts of the straps on the muzzle were torn off. Apparently, she got it stuck on the mesh, struggled, blasted through the entire thing, and escaped to freedom. At least she didn’t hurt herself, but she could have.

Well. Even if it had a breakaway, the muzzle obviously didn’t quite do what it was supposed to when it got caught on something. I don’t really have any interest in letting Gogo break her neck while getting hung on something in the name of diet and weight loss, so I think I need a new plan. The only problem is…. What else can I do?

There is nothing else I can take away from her diet outside of pasture – she isn’t eating grain or hay, just supplements and pasture. I can’t create a track system either. I would LOVE to give it a try, but again, the property Gogo is on is my landlord’s hayfield, all of which is hayed. Setting up a track system would take away from precious hay… although I supposed you could argue that it actually SAVES hay in the middle of the field…. No matter, the argument isn’t going to fly. I can’t muzzle her, seeing as she is potentially going to hurt herself in the struggle to remove it every day. I could potentially stall her for portions of the day, but whenever she ceases movement, she stocks up pretty dramatically, not to mention the fact that I think her future soundness is going to bank on perpetual movement. Honestly, if I can give it to her in any way, shape or form, I fully intend on keeping her out 24/7 for the remainder of her days. I could potentially continue her handwalks down the road, but again, I unfortunately don’t think this is a particularly safe option (freeroaming territorial dogpacks in all directions). I could, pending vet approval, start to sit on her again regularly….. but should I give it six more months in turnout, like I had originally planned? Is it going to be too risky to sit on her, or do I potentially risk further damage to that leg with all the extra heavy fat she is carrying around?

Dilemmas, dilemmas. I’m not really sure what I should do. I don’t really have anywhere safe to ride out here anyway – the pasture isn’t exactly a nice level surface, and the hay is up to her knees. That being said, she was cantering lithely back and forth up the fenceline today without an issue while looking for Bobo, so maybe terrain is less than an issue than I figure. But will she behave herself if I sit on her? If I have to drug her, there is no way I can ride on anything but level footing. It’s just not a chance I can take.

We’re still planning on having an ultrasound done in early June, but this will have to wait until the EHV scare settles down. We’ve had a case here in Weatherford, and all the local equine hospitals are completely closed down for the time being. I’m obviously not in a hurry, but I am looking forward to it. I’m not sure I’ll follow vet’s orders if he tells me to start riding right now, which he likely will. I’m not really sure what to do.

Suggestions?

Trojan Chic

2011-05-17T19:40:00.000-07:00

To everyone planning on shipping their horses nationwise (or even locally) in the near future – PLEASE get updated information about the Herpes virus outbreak. DON’T ship your horses, and DON’T let anything come on or off your property. This is a dangerous situation, and horses are dying. We’ve already had people on their way to shows get stopped at the state line and turned away. DON’T put your horses at risk!

Onto things that are more fun.

I had the bright idea today to decide to trim up Gogo’s amazing mohawk, which is now approaching two inches in length. (I roached her mane a month ago… I roached the old horse’s mane at work two months ago and he has only grown an inch of hair!) Her hawk was tall but spiky looking at the top, a bit catawampus to tell the truth. (Use that in Scrabble next time you play.) Future Hubs’ best friends have a little dog with grey and white hair that they have cut and dyed into an amazing pink hawk/mullet, and seeing Gogo’s mane in a similar fashion made me really, REALLY wish she had lighter colored hair… I would TOTALLY DO THAT. I decided today that I should try and trim down the topmost part of her hawk, and make it a more uniform Trojan look. I wasn’t really sure how that would turn out… either it would be fantastic or it would go horribly wrong.

I’m glad I did it. She looks awesome. I’m totally keeping this roach for possibly the rest of forever. It’s the perfect way to enhance a topline on a ewe-necked wundermare.

I hate to say it, seeing as she has reached morbidly obese, but… Fat kinda looks good on my horse. As so many dressage and hunter people know, fat is a GREAT way to completely skip out on training and actually putting real muscle on a horse. Just overfeed and hey! Instant topline. (This also produces neverending lameness… ever see a 400lb person run a marathon? Didn’t think so.)

I’m still brainstorming ways to keep Fattie from getting fattier. I had to abandon our walks down the paved road unfortunately, seeing as on one end of the street there is a massive Gogo-eating Great Pyrenees, and on the other end there is a pack of semi-feral dogs running loose and chasing/attacking anything that comes near their house. Add in cars flying by at 50mpg, and it’s really just not safe. She’s wearing her grazing muzzle from morning until late afternoon, but I still don’t think this is a good solution – she still refuses to eat anything while muzzled, and it’s not exactly good for a grazer to go for eight or more hours without SOMETHING in their tummies. She is finally drinking with the muzzle on, however, so maybe there’s hope for her yet. We’re about ready to cut hay out in the pastures as well, so that will help enormously. (Wish I could set up a track system, but again, this isn’t my property… it’s my landlord’s hayfield, so I have to respect his wishes!) Hopefully summer will come quickly and the grass will go dormant, which will also make a huge difference. I had a great suggestion today – why not take her swimming once or twice a week? Brilliant! We have a few options close by which I will for sure be looking into, although I probably will wait until after the Herpes virus scare is over.

Aside from being grossly disgustingly hugely obese, doesn’t she look sexy? Wish the pictures were better… they were taken with my iPod, seeing as I can’t find the memory card for my other camera!

BOOMBLATTIE FATTIE!

Oh what a difference two weeks makes!

2011-05-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

Remember two weeks ago when I posted about Gogo having Jabba Feet? A trim, some drier conditions (morning dew notwithstanding), and a little bit of Keratex later, and we are well on our way to a turnaround!

Honestly, it was mostly just the trim and getting rid of all the extra exfoliating material. It rained a LOT this week, but that doesn't seem to have affected anything much. She has put out almost 1/4 of an inch of growth in two weeks (!!), so she'll need another trim pretty soon if I want to keep the integrity we're regained. Unfortunately, being a fat pastured slob (sorry Gogo, no offense!) whose horn output is still nearly as high as it was when in full work, it's a matter of constant vigilance. When her pasture was dried up and abrasive, she went nearly 8 weeks without hardly needing a trim. Now that everything is soft and plush, I need to REALLY keep up with it. It's not possible for her to self-maintain when she's out of work, living where she lives.

As for the RF that is pictured, her frog isn't quite as robust as it was, but looking at comparison pictures from last winter it's really quite a small change. Her white line is still somewhat compromised, like always, but it is MUCH tigher than it was. I'm still waiting to see whether or not going soy-free is going to tighten it up further, or not. Her heels and bars are, as always on her clubby foot, growing quite robustly, but again when she is in work she normally maintains this herself... she just needs a little help right now to trick those feet into thinking she's doing more than toodling around and eating.

Feet really are amazing in the way they respond to their environment, aren't they?

Out to prove me wrong....

2011-05-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

Remember my recent post where I stated that Gogo would not go into her shed under any circumstances? Apparently Gogo's out to prove me wrong... look what I found:

But if you look a little closer, you'll see what changed....

Or maybe she checked up on the blog and figured she had better prove me wrong. Oh, Gogo...

We don't see no stinking lameness!

2011-05-05T16:43:00.000-07:00

As has been the first week of every month custom since January, I put Gogo on the lunge this afternoon for a minute or so to check her level of soundness. She trotted out REALLY sound for Dr. H last month when she got her first set of spring shots and had her Coggins pulled, but that was in a straight line on concrete. It's sometimes a different story on slightly uneven footing while on a circle.

But honestly, she's looking REALLY good!

Please ignore the neverending clucking. Apparently, that's what I do when I am not paying enough attention to her over my video-taking and can't get her to GO anywhere.

There might be some residual stiffness on the RH, or maybe I'm just looking for it. It's subtle, if it's there. That also could be the fact that she's been out of work for six months now.

Want to know the key to the shine? Apparently, it's don't bathe or groom your horse for two weeks.... swear it. She's been enjoying her level of filth, and apparently it doesn't actually mean she's filthy in any way. She's gleaming!

Her pasture is drying out as well and her feet are making a very quick turnaround... more on that later!

Our first ultrasound since the reinjury is coming up whenever I can manage to secure a day off.... THINK SOUND! (Also send day-off vibes.... I haven't had one in five weeks and I am pooped!)

Quincy my love.

2011-05-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the seven-year anniversary of Quincy's death, at 2:10PM.

I really can't believe it's been seven years since that horrible day in May. There's just no way to describe it.

If you like Gogo, and like reading this blog, go read honor his memory by reading my previous tribute posts to him. If it wasn't for his existence, his love and his sacrifice, Gogo wouldn't be here, and honestly neither would I.

Tribute Series to Quincy

I miss you, Fuzzman. Thanks for everything.